Confidence problem - any pointers?

11 Comments

I'm really not confident, people don't talk to me often and they think I'm a retard cause I have a physical disability when I know for a fact that I get higher grades than most people in my class. This has brought my self esteem to a new low ever since middle school because of said disability.

So here's the main problem...

I've never had a serious boyfriend, not really. But there's a guy I know who I really like who I used to be really good friends with but kind of drifted away from, I once had a great conversation with him when we were paired up to debate religious culture in the 19th century, a really intellectual one that I've never had with ANY guy my age and I loved it so much that I could really TALK about stuff I care about with someone mature who understands what I'm saying; in my head I was thinking "Maybe...?"
But after that talking didn't stretch to so much as "Do you have a mint?" and for some reason we just don't have talks like we did that one time. Having the low self esteem that I do, I just couldn't bring myself to say "Hi" without shutting down all brain function that applied to social conversation.
My confidence was completely trampled when one of my friends started asking around about him. At first I thought she just wanted to get to know him a bit but then it had to be ME she asked when the most dreaded question was pondered, "Do you know if he's single?" and it killed me, the only guy in the WORLD who was smart,good looking and funny, what's more? He wasn't like the hipster/nerd/obsessed with girls/gangster/gay that invades my school like a flood. And he never made fun of me because of my problem, never once mocked me or laughed at me. Now this girl won't keep away from him, and I KNOW he wouldn't be happy with her, she's so freaking ditsy, it hurts to hear her talk; she doesn't talk about any history or geography except the guys she's done it with and where she did it with them. She doesn't debate anything except how her hair should look or what clothes she should wear. My close friends always tell me "Hun, you've got the look already, you don't even wear make up and I've had guys asking about you, but it's the confidence: you just need the confidence."

I don't have it though, after all the years I've been stood on because of who I am, how can I tell a guy I like him so much? That it hurts when I see him with that slut? That every time he looks at me, new hope fills me, I feel completely and utterly happy just for the 3 seconds he glances in my direction?
The 'Staring Stalker' thing isn't gonna hold out for me for long, how do I get my confidence up so I can talk to him again?

Just go straight up to him and talk 15
Inch your way back in to his life in subtle ways 6
Start talking and hope he SEES you in the way you want to be seen 4
Don't do anything and just try and find a boyfriend for the slut 0
Are you crazy? You're never gonna get him! 7
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Comments ( 11 )
  • [email protected]
    11 years ago

    Just give up like I did,someday you'll get over it like I did.

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  • alacazam
    10 years ago

    Do you know that faking confidence is the same as having confidence?
    Nobody will be able to tell the difference; not even your brain. When you have faked it enough it will come naturally.

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  • 1000yrVampireKing
    11 years ago

    Try the direct approach.

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  • shade_ilmaendu
    11 years ago

    One of my biggest problems all through life has been a warped self image and low confidence. I was always the weird kid, and I got off to a horrible start at my school due to innappropriately perscribed ADHD medicine. (Imagine a 12 year old crackhead... it wasn't a fun time in my life XD)

    Got made fun of a lot and ended up with the nickname "the anti boner" after a period of time. The easiest way to get over it? Haven't figured that one out yet but I've made some progress.
    n
    1. Give no fucks. This is the most important rule. What other people have said to you in the past or will say to you in the future, as long as you are happy with yourself FUCK what they have to say. Most of them don't matter, and once you're older, you'll be surprised how much people don't get on your case for immature shit. :)

    2. Love yourself. Enjoy your body, look at yourself in the mirror. Make lists of things you like, about your personality and your appearance. Re read it whenever you're feeling down on yourself.

    3. Talk to lots of people. Some conversations might be a little weird or forced at first, but the more you force yourself into social situations, the easier it will become to talk to people. I went from being a mouse to a little bit of a partier (though not the typical college parties... lots of raves mostly ;P)

    4. Know yourself. Take time to explore your interests. Get a fun new haricut, change your style if it feels right. And always, always keep exploring the world around you and your own mind, for our inner worlds truly do paint the real one. For me personally, I got rid of a lot of my goth stuff, got an awesome mohawk and a beautiful chestpiece to better express myself. :D (love my tattoo artist)

    Sorry this was so long, but I know what you're going through and I wish in retrospect that I would have figured this out a lot sooner. Would have taken some of the sting out of high school. :P

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    This made me feel sad.

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    • anti-hero
      11 years ago

      You have feelings? Since when? haha

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      • [Old Memory]
        11 years ago

        Shhhh, you'll ruin it.

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        • anti-hero
          11 years ago

          *Zips lips*

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  • myownopinions
    11 years ago

    The number one problem with lack of confidence is actually going out there and start regaining your confidence. You gotta just get yourself to talk to the boy. Though you may be setting yourself up for disapointment, you'll at least be able to say that you had the guts to go for the guy you like. Unless, you're fine with just being friends or aquaintances with him, you have to strike while the iron is hot, 'cause your window of opportunity is closing fast.

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  • lovelylauren95
    11 years ago

    I've been giving my friends this advice for a while now, and I'll give it to you too. You need to confront this guy and tell him you like him. You are never going to know his reaction if you never say anything to him about it. If you don't tell him then you will always be thinking 'hey, what if I actually made a move'. Do you think you could be okay with living with that feeling? The worst that could arise from telling this guy you like him is that he will tell you he doesn't like you back. From your brief description of this guy, it seems like he is an understanding kid so he wouldn't mock you for doing so. If things don't turn out well then you can start moving on from him. There will always be other people. Life is too short to not take some chances.

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  • Corleone
    11 years ago

    Talk to him. I can't promise you it'll work out, but what have you got to lose?

    Also, your disability doesn't make you any less worthy to be someone's girlfriend. You come across as an intelligent person, and a lot of guys find that attractive.

    Good luck!

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