Confess your deepest secret.

58 Comments

The secrets that could ruin your social life, or that you're too scared to even admit to yourself. I want to know the thing you fear others will find out, and the reason why mind-reading is such a scary thought to you. This is a site about honesty as much as verification or acceptance, so express as much honesty as possible in your next comment, telling us that secret you'll never tell in person. Nobody will ever know what you write here, and you can get that burden off your mind, or weight off your chest. This site can be as helpful as any therapist by simply giving you a mask, so simply let it.

Ok (Comment)	20
I'm scared someone will find out who I am.	5
I fear judgement and ridicule.	10
My reasons not to share are my own.	10

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Comments ( 58 )

kingofcarrotflowers

9 years ago | pl

I've already talked about it but only partly under my username and partly as an anonymous op but fuck it.

I used to be verging on popular till anxiety, now because of it I have hardly any friends, the main person I hang out with I don't particularly like, he's sexist, unbelievably egotistical and makes up so many lies about his life it's hard to tell what's real but occasionally, very occasionally I see a glimmer of the person he might be but the rest of the time he treats everyone like shit, that's my best mate, I fell out with the only friend I was really close with last December.

I'm 21 later this year and I'm still a virgin, I removed myself from situations that were leading to sex because I'm so painfully ashamed of my body, I don't even feel comfortable without a hoodie on in public to try and hide my body.

Problem is now that I'm loosing weight and looking to get help for my anxiety and depression I've put myself into a position with no real opportunity to meet people.

So yeah, 20 year old guy who no longer has any close friends, the most experience I've ever had was making out with someone and I have anxiety and depression which makes it hard to do even the little things like get up in the morning, oh, I'm also trying and failing to find a job, quite the package huh?

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- dirtybirdy
  
  9 years ago
  
  You're the man, mmkay!!! You're sweet and helpful and at least you are working on fixing yourself which is a lot more than many people can say. Don't be so hard on yourself or I'll have to call nursediesel in to bring the disciple somethin fierce!
  
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  - kingofcarrotflowers
    
    9 years ago | pl
    
    Thanks birdy :)
    
    But I've got to admit I though the last bit actually sounded Quite good haha
    
    It's weird, I felt pretty down after writing this, I was thinking about my old best mate, I sent him a long message on Facebook going over what happened, why I acted the way I did and apologized that I threw away 7 years of friendship.
    
    Turns out I've blamed myself and he's blamed himself, he'd gone to message several times but didn't because he thought I wouldn't be interested ( my last words were harsh )
    
    We're meeting up to hang out later on :)
    
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- howaminotmyself
  
  9 years ago
  
  Awe, keep working at it. I've always though you were a kind person and a pretty stand up guy. I'm sure lots of other people do too. You just need to believe it for yourself.
  
  I know I use to have terrible self-esteem. But I never wanted anyone to know about it. So I faked it. Eventually I came to believe it. I also hated the way I looked but then I got really ill and that hate of appearance turned into hate over how I felt. I was so sick I didn't even care what I looked like anymore, I just wanted to feel better. I did get healthy again and I still like my appearance. It's kind of sad that I had to be sick to see what everyone else saw, but people do that. We are our own worst critics. Just remember that. All those negative things you feel about yourself, are not the things other people see in you.
  
  And confidence is very attractive.
  
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  - kingofcarrotflowers
    
    9 years ago
    
    Thanks :) and it's good to see you back I always thought you were a great user. Yeah I used to be quite a confidnant person so it's just about getting back to that
    
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dom180

9 years ago | pl

When I was about 7 years old, I was playing with my four cousins and my brother. We are all the same age (plus or minus 2 years). All of them were boys apart from one girl. We all went to a back room where there were no grown ups. The others boys surrounded me and the girl. They made the girl show me her vagina, and they made me show her my penis. I remember feeling extremely uncomfortable, but my female cousin did not seem uncomfortable in the slightest.

They tried to make us touch each other. That's when I started crying and tried to escape. I can't remember what happened next, but eventually I did escape - I ran into the adjacent bathroom and I locked the door and kept crying. I stayed there until it was time for my parents to take me and my brother home.

My cousins have never done anything like this before or since. As adults, they are not even remotely creepy or dangerous. They just let the play get away from them, as kids do. I have no-one to hate about what happened, even though I feel extremely violated. It was just play to them. I'm not even sure if they would remember it.

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Incomplet

9 years ago

I destroyed my suicide note a few months ago. I haven't looked back since.

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wistfulmaiden

9 years ago

I am still obsessed with someone I haven't seen in years whom I never dated. He kind of became the standard to which I compare other men. I still wish I'd made a move back then and I still think of him most days. It's not that I haven't moved on with my life but he is always in my mind.

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SweetPeachTea

9 years ago

When I was 8 that was the time I first watched porn. When I was little I wanted to become a firefighter. So I was skimming through the channels until I came across a title that said firefighter in it. I thought It was going to be firefighter saving a person or something. So I clicked on it and then I saw a fake firefighter naked fucking a woman I saw everything in like 5 seconds. I was scared and traumatized for a while and my dream job just went down the shitty drain. And till this day my parents doesn't know about this.

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Fall_leaves

9 years ago

I think what I fear most is that I won't be enough. So I guess my insecurities and vulnerabilities are my secret and what I'm afraid to let the world around me see. It's scary to look in the mirror and not like the person you see and to tell yourself you're not enough.

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- mountain-man82
  
  9 years ago
  
  Im kinda like you, but I put myself out there anyways. Doesnt end to well for me most of the time, but oh well. Just be yourself and all will be fine. You seem like a very good and interesting person. Just try to have a little more faith in yourself.
  
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  - Fall_leaves
    
    9 years ago
    
    Thank you that's very nice of you to say and I will :)
    
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iEatZombies_

9 years ago

I have an incredibly bad history of sexual abuse. When I was 4 years old, I was molested by a grown man. I had flashbacks (PTSD) when I was 15 of him on top of me. It clicked that was me, and I asked my mother if I was raped as a child, to which she said yes. I still get horrible flashbacks, like I'm there all over again. And my stomach knots when I remember the slightest details. The barbie dolls, the china cabinet, the cheap blue walls, etc.
When I was 12, my mother sent me on trips with this man who thought he was my father. He always talked about how he was my father. He made my cousin and I have sex while he watched. My cousin was also 12.
There have been several, several other occurances of sexual abuse and times of acting out on my part, and the story about my 'father' gets a lot more twisted, but if I continue thinking about this I may start freaking out, so I'll end the story telling. I'll add that the ages 4-6 was the longest period of time I went without sexual abuse until I was 13.

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- charli.m
  
  9 years ago
  
  *hugs*
  
  You have come so far and are so strong. You had hinted at things before, I had no idea how bad they got. I can't even begin to comprehend.
  
  I'm so glad you're here.
  
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  - iEatZombies_
    
    9 years ago
    
    I really do appreciate that you care. I don't consider myself strong, though. I have many mental anguishes, I exhibit signs of D.I.D., schizophrenia, and depression. I also am antisocial and I have GAD. The schizophrenia is mild, I've only thought something truly outrageous once. The only reason I have come so far is because I don't have a choice but deal with myself. Some people aren't meant to have good lives. I just have to believe that my life will fulfill it's purpose and it's purpose will teach the right people the right things. The truth is I'm broken. I want people to know there isn't a pill in this world that can fix me. The only thing that could fix me is that which broke me- human beings. To know that people will understand trauma and it's affects better because of my existence will bring my life meaning. I desperately want to teach people that what's broken isn't garbage.
    
    I really am happy to have found this community and met people like you.
    
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    - charli.m
      
      9 years ago
      
      You could never, ever be considered garbage by anyone who is a worthwhile human being. I hope you find many people who validate this, because it is the truth.
      
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      - iEatZombies_
        
        9 years ago
        
        Thank you. That was good to hear. I don't get a whole lot of feedback on my secrets-- obviously, or they wouldn't be secrets. Hah.
        You know, whoever knows you IRL is lucky to have your compassion as a constant presence.
        
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        charli.m
        
        9 years ago
        
        You're a sweetheart. Thank you :)
        
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    - Saycheese
      
      9 years ago
      
      I like your thoughts.
      
      I myself feel that people need to free themselves better and realize they don't have to have medication to help them. I believe that for everybody because I know there are so many people who don't believe they can free themselves and use pills to be what helps them. Though I would agree that depending on how much damage there is to the brain and mind that medication probably would be necessary, is would wish not.
      
      There are actually proven studies where people who had severe depression started meditation on a daily basis and no longer felt lost and in the dark years later. They broke free and figured themselves out. Even when they compared brain scans with people who meditated. They had scanned a couple weeks before they started and then a few months later; they noticed more mass had formed in their brain where their emotions and awareness processes. They had more clarity.
      
      Also helping others out can be one of the best ways to make yourself feel great and see a world of difference in others sufferings. :D
      
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- iEatZombies_
  
  9 years ago
  
  I'd always thought about posting about questions regarding my past on here, but I didn't think anyone would believe I'm not a troll. People seem to think stuff like this doesn't actually happen, but it did, and I shouldn't feel like I have to defend my life story, but I do. Unlike the other times where I delete this type of content, I'll keep it up and deal with the consequences. I do come on this site to show myself, after all.
  
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  - Saycheese
    
    9 years ago
    
    I wish you all the best through life and recovering from this. I'm so glad you are not lying to yourself about this too, there can be much worse consequences from that.
    
    I agree with Mel too! You seem very strong.
    
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    - iEatZombies_
      
      9 years ago
      
      Thank you, I appreciate this. Please see my response to Charli.
      
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Holzman_67

9 years ago

I wrote a girl in high school over 300 poems and at the end of year 11 I gave them all to her, she didn't come back the following year and I never saw or heard of her again.

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Anonnet

9 years ago

I probably would if I didn't regularly comment on this site. I know I'm still anonymous, but I also still want to keep some form of dignity.

Kudos to the other commenters, you're much braver than I am.

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Johnnytherat

9 years ago

im not actually a rat.... im a mouse

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anti-hero

9 years ago

I'm 3 dwarves in a trench coat.

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Pika-girl

9 years ago

Deepest? Well... I could tell you some if my secrets. I don't know my deepest.

I started to be a pervert at age 7. Did some stuff that I shouldn't have done...

I have NEVER raised my hand in class... EVER... (If you know me, you know this. Not really a secret, though.)

I... am suffering... from... FANGIRLISM. I get too obsessive over some stuff sometimes. (I bet a lot of you could tell)

I keep a neck massager in the very left bottom cabinet in a bathroom... (*wink wink*)

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Tommythecat.

9 years ago

Deepest? No way.

Deepish, I like to set fire to things.

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- donteatstuffoffthesidewalk
  
  9 years ago
  
  well sheeit. who dont?
  
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  - Tommythecat.
    
    9 years ago
    
    I know right like yeah whatever.
    
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    - donteatstuffoffthesidewalk
      
      9 years ago
      
      too bad yallre a feller cause a vapid chick pyromaniac would be my dream gal. if only she had a bitchin camaro too id be a buyin her a weddin zirconia
      
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      - Tommythecat.
        
        9 years ago
        
        Yeah I know right like totally forevers and she would
        
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dirtybirdy

9 years ago

Krubera Cave, Lake Baikal and the Mariana trench. Deeeep secrets. Shhhh.

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- Shackleford96
  
  9 years ago
  
  I don't get it :(
  
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  - dirtybirdy
    
    9 years ago
    
    Hehe the deepest cave, deepest lake and deepest trench :)
    
    I'm sorry :'(
    
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    - Shackleford96
      
      9 years ago
      
      Ah, ok.
      
      It's alright :)
      
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perfectxsilence

9 years ago

I am dying inside.

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CrimsonRain

9 years ago

Im afraid of the dark because of my personality that loves showing me my own death...or sometimes when im around certain things i see my own death...

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  “I’ll tell you now. That silence almost beat me. It’s the silence that scares me. It’s the blank page on which I can write my own fears. The spirits of the dead have nothing on it. The dead one tried to show me hell, but it was a pale imitation of the horror I can paint on the darkness in a quiet moment.”
  -Mark Lawrence
  
  You're comment reminded me of this quote I read a while ago by Mark Lawrence.
  
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AppleMind

9 years ago

When I was about nine my cousin and I--both of us male-- used to fool around. We gave each other head and we tried having sex but found no pleasure in that. It happened a few times.

The same happened with my brother at around the same time. But my older brother eventually tried raping me once. He didn't succeed. We have never spoken about it and now my brother is my best friend and housemate and there is absolutely no sexual tension between us.

I told my ex girlfriend of sevenish years and she didn't believe me.

I am currently 23, by the way.

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ThisIsImpossible

9 years ago

I have jizz on my hand right now, I was just jerkin off like, two minutes ago

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ReproductionIsAnti-Child-ADOPT

9 years ago

I can't tell you, it's confidential. Besides, I tried being open on here but it didn't turn out so well. Even today I'm afraid of being insulted and rediculed.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago | pl
  
  When people read it they'll know that ReproductionIsAnti-Child-ADOPT's secret. They have no face to attach to that, no name, nothing at all really. I'll also hide any negative comments that I see, if it's any comfort.
  
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- JonCrowley
  
  9 years ago
  
  What happened when you tried being open before?
  
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Veghe

7 years ago

I might be a Furry

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potato27

9 years ago

I have a secret desire its not that juicy but oh well I seek out for my first sexual encounter to be filled with cuts and bruises on me and my partner.

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TheArBuilder

9 years ago

I'm bisexual, I fantasize about friends and teacher and I watch gay porn.. EVERY DAY

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- potato27
  
  9 years ago
  
  Gotta have gay porn or else we will die
  
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  - TheArBuilder
    
    9 years ago
    
    So true ;D
    
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LAR23

9 years ago

I don't think I have any secrets.. :T I'm a boring person. Or maybe too open. But a lot of people tell me I'm untrusting or secretive so idk.

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[Old Memory]

9 years ago

guilty secret..when i was 7 i walked home from school everyday. i'd go up 2 hills then over a narrow foot bridge which was high above a rather deep river. anyhow teenage boys were down below swimming and mucking about i could hear their hollering and laughter, they had left their school bags in a line on top of the bridge. 6 in total i kicked them over the side i heard the splashes and then the angry shouts, i ran home...i had a lot of stress at the time too much for me to handle. but i got in big trouble from principal the next day

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missimperfecttt

9 years ago

I don't share my crushes with anyone.

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FlameDragoon

9 years ago

I really wish I had a male friend with benefits, it's to the point that in high school when a rumor spread that 1 of my friends had oral sex with another guy my first thought was "Damn I wish he had done that with me instead"

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Saycheese

9 years ago

I had to correct my answer.

I don't have deep secrets but I will not say certain things to certain people. I can be pretty open person.

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Cucco

9 years ago

I had a lot of really fucked up..."encounters" with someone when I was little. I know it shaped who I am a lot (huge masochist, lots of weird fetishes, can't have "normal" relationships) and although I don't hate myself for how I am or the person who did it, whenever someone inquires about my weirdness, asking things with the implication of "were you raped/molested", I just shake my head with a "nope".
No one knows. They just know I'm a freak.

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Negima93

9 years ago

I like reading really taboo erotica

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ThomasJames

9 years ago

When I was about 12 a new family moved in the neighborhood with a boy my age and a girl younger. I quickly became best friends with the boy and spent lots of time at his house. His Mother was friendly but strict and spanked her kids and if I was around that included me.when I got a bit older about 14 I would do things that I knew would get me spanked. For some reason I looked forward to having Mrs Jardon lower my pants and underpants in the living room even if her daughter was there which she mostly was and at times with a friend or two over. I would always be spanked with a paddle to tears and pleading which did little good Mrs Jardon never stopped unless convinced I was a sorry boy with a sore bottom.still I plotted my next encounter. This went on until my 11th grade year. is this normal?

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DEATHBRINGER1232

9 years ago

honestly my deepest fear isnt being rideculed or insulted.im not afraid of being an outcast. i know who i am and i tell everyone i know! but my biggest fear i guess is being exepted.... ive never had a girlfriend never really been popular constantly bullied as a kid. i guess ive been alone for so long that now that people accept me, i cant really accept them.

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Are You Normal?

Confess your deepest secret.