Children (and adult children) of narcisisstic parents

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This is directed towards the comments & questions about people who hate their mothers. It would not allow me to leave my comment there.

Hello,

Hope all is well with everyone. I am new here and after having read quite a few comments here, I suspect narcisissm being the root problem here. Of course I have no way of knowing with any degree of certainty, but it certainly sounds like it.

PART 1.
I'll speak on narcisisstic mothers since that is what I'm more familiar with. A lot of times children (who are now adults)raised by narc mothers often think she was/is "just a bitch". Well that doesn't even begin to decsribe this insidious and diabolical type of "mother". They are wicked and incapable of empathy. They are selfish and have an unrealistic grandiose sense of self importance and that DOES NOT mix with what motherhood is all about considering being a mother requires her to be selfLESS.

This personality type are chronic gas-lighters (rewriting history) and are the consummate victim. In almost every situation, they regard themselves as the victim. They crave attention from everyone and are thrilled when you're feeling your lowest. They love, love, love, to manipulate your emotions and feed off your pain. Yes, these types are "mothers" too.

They generally have children simply to be an extention of themselves. They dont want their children to think for themselves and develope their own personality and sense of humor, but rather want their children to be the spitting image of themselves. They are often jealous of their children and if they have more than one, the narc mom will generally pick a child to play certain roles. The child who seems to be the most sensitive is often the "scapegoat" child where as the the other sibling or siblings are often the "golden child" or "golden children". Sometimes there is more than one of each role, but generally there is only one scapegoat.

The scapegoat will get it the worst!

CONTINUED:

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Comments ( 8 )
  • Doktor_Hildred_Von_Steinmann
    9 years ago

    Do you feel better sir? Now that you've got it all out?

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  • Darkoil
    9 years ago

    What a load of garbage.

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  • TheLiberatedOne
    9 years ago

    PART 4:
    She never forgives you or anyone else (except the golden child) for anything and is a lifetime grudge holder. Yes, something you did or said when you were fourteen she has NOT forgotten! She is the master of triangulation who pins siblings against each other. She wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy overly dramatic in every situation and has to micromanage everything. Be in total control of everything and everyone.

    Your opinions are just that, opinions. They dont matter. Her opinions ARE FACTS and are all that matters. She will spend a lifetime invalidating you all the while justifying herself.

    This has been going on since you were a child.

    You're NOT crazy! The resentment you have towards her is VALID! She is abusive emotionally and psychologically and her cruelty is unmatched. This cripples people emotionally at a young age and they take this into their adulthood. Some people never find out they were raised by a narc, while others learn way late in life.

    If you suspect any one of your parents of being a narcisisstic parent, or, narcopath, I suggest educating yourself on the effects of "Children of Narcisisstic Parents". There are tons of websites, support groups and books on this. If you do decide to join to a support group, please be aware that there are often narcisissts in those groups themselves.

    Be well.

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  • TheLiberatedOne
    9 years ago

    PART 3:
    The narc mom shames their scapegoat child for everything. She will deflect ANY blame off of herself and shift it onto you, in ANY scenario. Any of your achievements are a snoozefest and she is totally uninterested in hearing about anything you're proud of. She will totally ignore anything positive about you yet will put ALL OF HER ENERGY into highlighting something she thinks you did wrong.

    Let the narc mom tell it, there is not one positive thing about you. You are a failure and you should be ashamed of yourself eternally. This conditioning started when you were young and even at that young age, you doubted yourself. This is what she wants. Even when you know you're NOT guilty of something, she has you wondering if you are, totally doubting your own innocence and sanity. Only at that young age, you didn't know what "sanity" meant.

    The idea is to shame you so bad about everything so that you eventually believe you are worthless. That you are nothing more than a f*ck up and will never amount to anything, especially anything like her, who she holds in the highest regard. This indoctrination is done to chisle away at your self worth, confidence and motivation. Even the tiniest of errors you make in life, she celebrates with a pity party for herself and spends plenty of time talking about the mistake. She turns every situation into the holocaust. A tradegy. It ruined her day. It ruined her life. SHAME ON YOU!

    Everything has a condition attached to it. EVERYTHING! She has rules and guidelines and a certain standard that YOU and everyone else has to subscribe to, yet she DOES NOT hold herself to that SAME standard. She is NEVER wrong and the two little mistakes that she has EVER made in her life can safely be explained away and even those two mistakes WEREN'T HER FAULT EITHER! It was someone elses!

    She is free of human error.

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  • donteatstuffoffthesidewalk
    9 years ago

    well for fucks sake someones a shranks dream

    just wanted to say that gaslightin aint rewritin history, its the process of convincing someone that theys crazy even if they aint. from the 1939 movie gas light where some feller tries to convince a lady that she really aint seein the lights flickerin and that shes batshit insane and that she should therefore give him power of attorney and her fortune

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  • [Old Memory]
    9 years ago

    your mother sounds annoying

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  • RoseIsabella
    9 years ago

    Checkout this link to the website of Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families, maybe the program can help you.
    http://www.adultchildren.org/

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  • TheLiberatedOne
    9 years ago

    PART 2:
    Developing your own unique sense of humor and personality is a normal transition. This is healthy. But to a narc mom, this is the ultimate insult as she takes it as a personal attack on her own sense of humor and personality. She looks at it like "If my child thought better of me, he or she would strive to be JUST LIKE ME"! And then of course, they want sympathy as you have victimized her. Of course they dont use THAT reason for why they want sympathy because they know other people would frown upon this, so they gas-light or they "create scenarios". This scenario creation generally consists of embellishing storys, or, blatantly lying about an event that is constructed to make YOU look bad to others and make HER look like the poor victim. Yes, YOU have victimized her! The narc mom will almost always put on the "caring and concerned" face while speaking to others about you as to not come off like they're "gossiping" about you. They are well seasoned adroit manipulators who's smear campaign of you started when you were a child.

    Here is an example of "scenario creation" as they talk to others about you in hopes of extracting sympathy from others all the while making you look bad yet not appearing like an uncaring gossip artist.

    "I think my daughter is in trouble! Last night, she came in the house at 2 a.m., was loud and woke the whole house up! I smelled alcohol on her breath and she was acting very odd. She yelled at cussed at me for no reason and then stormed into her room! I noticed some cash missing out of my purse, and I know it was there before and that I didnt spend it, but I dont have any idea where else it could possibly be. I love my daughter so much and I'm just so concerned. You dont think she would steal from me, do you?"

    In the above comment is a narc mom presenting a scenario that didnt actually happen like that. She is able to acheive several things in this comment.

    1. She is able to accuse you of doing things you did not do in an attempt to make you look bad to others.

    2. She presents it in such as way that she is "doubtful" you would actually steal from her, but leaves it open to question for the listener.

    3. She is convincing in appearing like a concerned mother.

    4. She hopes to gain sympathy from the listener, her all time favorite.

    What ACTUALLY happened was you came home shortly before 10 p.m., was tired, and went to bed. Nothing from her purse was missing whatsoever and no alcohol was smelled on your breath.

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