Childhood molestation and is it effecting me now?

why are there such sick people in this world that dont give a damn about the psychological trauma they cause when doing such sick acts, these people, along with many others make me ashamed to be human.

I'm 18 and also a virgin. I was sexualy abused by my mom's(ex)boyfriend when I was in second grade...I am extreemly in love with my boyfriend we have been friends forever and he knows everything about me. His mom and sisters were harrased by his step dad and he has a very short temper with men who has done this. He knows what happend with me and why I am this way. We have tried to have sex before but I ended up in the corner crying and yelling at him to get away from me.. I felt horrible. Like he didn't deserve me, but he told me he would never leave me. That was about a year ago. Last night I brought of the conversation and I said I would like to try again. He told me that there was no way he would not have sex with me until i could assure him I wouldn't run. I explained that I would need his help and we BOTH would have to be stong. I was trying not to get upset but he can always tell when I am and the conversation was ended. I have spent the entire day trying to com to terms of what was happened..I have been jumpy and on edge. I really love him and he has already given me so much in my life.. I want to return the love. I want to be able to show him....

I have talked to a few friends and they have all told me that I should talk to my mom (I have never told her) If I were to do that there would be a big deal made about it and probably brought to court... this event happend 10 years ago. Why do it now? I have not seen the man since the split between them. I'm not a person who feels better after closure..so it would be a big mes and there would be so many peple who would know about me.. That's the last thing I want. And as far a councleing.. I have a very close family and I would need to tell them why I was attending, and that would lead to the prevous statement.

I would love to talk to someone who could possibly help me. Someone who was able to speak up and let others know...

I'm sorry you had to live through that... no one deserves it.

Based upon what happened, it's normal and you do have "baggage" that you will have to deal with for the rest of your life. If problems are occurring, don't turn to booze or drugs, seek help.

I've told my story here before and it's something that has recently resurfaced, so I must deal with it. My mother seduced me on my 16th birthday. Since we lived alone at that time, our incestous relationship continued for nearly two years before I sought help. It has left scars and I went through highschool and most of college, not having had sex with anyone else. I wasn't even in a serious relationship until after I was out of college, and it took my girlfriend weeks to get me to have sex.

Now I'm divorced, and recently my mom brought up the taboo subject again. It just opened up scars in me and I'm talking with a counselor again.

Get some weed. Get high, spend a day (or a weekend) really examining what you feel about what was done to you.

When we face our fears, we destroy their power over us. The weed is just to relax your mind, and allow it to wander into places you have spent years trying to keep it from going. Alcohol works for some, but weed seems to be the most effective for the broadest range of people.

That is the most honest advice I can give you.

When it's over, you'll know whether or not this is causing your hangups.

You haven't had any replies - and maybe because its impossible to answer.

I think it is most likely that you are over-thinking this, looking too far when the answer is simply that you haven't met the right person at the right time.

On the other hand maybe you were traumatized - even though you speak of it so matter-of-factly; and, without any apparent discomfort or anxiety. But maybe it is real subtle....

... well somehow I think you would know if this long ago event had any bearing on your healthy sexual functioning now.

OK just let me warn you this is very long but I really hope it helps you, because I feel like I know what you are going through, because I'm going through it myself.

I was molested by the same person for 3 years from age 8-11 and yes I can vividly remember it and sometimes certain things I see or hear or even think of trigger a memory of something He did. I was also attacked by a 22 year old when I was 14 but I got away from him and thankfully was still a virgin when I was freed from his clutches. I believe these instances have scarred me for life.

I have had sex, but with only one guy. I'm old skool too, as in I would like to wait until marriage now before I have sex with another man but I know that is probably not going to happen because of the times we live in currently. It is also very complicated because people can be quite vulgar in even the friendliest of conversations. It is not fun being an outcast within the sexual world. It is not fun nor is it fair to see the reactions of people when you say you don't have sex or haven't yet and would prefer not to engage in sexual activities or really talk about your reasoning behind it.

Dating just feels the same everytime I try it. Usually some guy will walk up to me in a club, in a store, at work and say "You're Hott!" How the fuck am I suppossed to respond to that? I have a rule...I will never date a guy who says I'm "hott" because I think it's just well immature and uhhh I don't know...stupid.

So I've come to the conclusion that yes I think it's possible that child molestation and rape can cause people to have a fear of sexual activity. To be uncomfortable around someone who wants to enagage in sexual activity with you. Or to have a negative view of men or women and different perversions. I personally think what happened to me caused me to be intrigued by the BDSM lifestyle as I've read certain articles that link the two together, but I'm no psychologist so I really don't know.

I really don't think there is anything wrong with being a virgin or choosing to be celibate. Because in my opinion having sex just to have sex or losing your virginity just to lose it like I did only causes problems in the future.

Finding the right partner for some people is very difficult and takes a lot of work and patience while others are lucky and just find the right person to be with right off the bat. It is a hard decision to make because it could be for the rest of your life, but I can just only hope you will know when the time for you to have sex is the right time for YOU and not your partner/friends with benefits/ ect.

I wish you the best of luck! Take care!

V

It sounds like you already know the answer. Someone that you trusted assaulted you, so it's gonna take a lot of work to trust anyone that you allow into your life. You might want to think about talking to a therapist. Sexual trauma, even if you don't remember it, can create complicated emotions that are hard to understand on your own.

Dontlookatme. How about I gently rip your nuts off. If I do it gently it shouldn't be too traumatic. You've GOT to be kidding me. I seriously didn't realize people were so ignorant!!

gentle or not, molestation is still wrong. i think that you guys need to talk to a therapist of some sort. mine helped me cope with it and now its easier for me to have sex sometimes. it sucks and im sorry. but i think a professional would help you a lot better than a website with peoples opinions

molestation of kid is always a no go area for whoever but caterogise it as being a gay thing is the greatest gibberish I have ever come across Gay people are as beautiful human as you are normal in every way you are except their friends happen to be gay does not make them abnormal so please do not brand them as molester: every adult human being is capapable of molestation of the young

I'm a guy and iI was molested by 2 cousins from age 7-16. It had the opposite effect on me. I was having sex whenever I could or I would go out and make it happen so I could get in someone's pants and go down on me.

Not only did they molest me, they messed with my head and were verbally abusive.

I would say yes you are normal. I guess it effects men and women differently.

Have you considered to get counseling? If you don't get counseling, than you won't get better, dear.

LOL

You seriously make me laugh.

I'm 23 years old, and I had not 'seen' or 'touched' it until last year, when I entered my first relationship. Neither did I have an interest in pre-pubescent, whining high-schoolers when I was younger.

It's not your sexual past that makes you 'uncomfortable' with having sex; it's the fact that you're JUST now starting to get to an age where MAYBE men are not complete idiots (well, give it a few more years, actually).

I'm not sure if this has been said but. I think that you feel hard to get sexual comfortable with someone because of your childhood experience. But I think that your a patient and intelligent person, so you'll make the right choice with your future love and if you tell him about this and he respects that, he'll play the game at your pace.

you are normal and when you truly cvrave it you will let down your gaurd. a few beertrs would help if you like the guy. Don't worry about the guy who ,olested you--he has his own personal hell. sad really.

Cl

Sometimes we blame our inabilities on something bad that happened in our childhood.Regardless.. try to come to terms and move ahead.This jerk already made your life hell, so why allow him to continue to? And BTW, when a guy comes up to you in a club and tells you your'e hot,just smile and say thank you!

the guy that runs the punk site was never molested either. i think he has lots of problems.

No, I really doubt it. If you need to reach that far back to explain something you are overlooking the obvious. Take an inventory of your life, your choices, your life situation today and in that you will most likely find the solution to your problem. It's lazy to blame things like that on issues that are most likely more current. Don't make the mistake of labeling yourself as a victim. Than negative self image carries with it far more harm than any trauma you experienced as a child.

oh and btw. yes, a person that was molested can grow up into a normal person, but therapy is necesarry. or else they either become molesters themselves or they continue to play the role of a victim in every relationship.

People who molest kids are gay. I hate them.

I feel you have an excellent opportunity of finding that perfect soul mate, and even at that a wonderful person you may consider being a life long companion with.

Could it be you've been looking in the wrong places? And then there is the problem of maturity... Maybe you should raise your sites
for a little older guys...

Sometimes, it pays to advertise. If you don't think it to prudish why can't you place an add in a paper describing yourself, and what your ideal soul mate would be. Be quite frant in your requirements and expectations. Then work with the list of names provided. Take your time, check out the guys, and if they don't fit the bill, tell them so. But, never compromise your standards that you're looking for in your man.... I believe it pays to advertise.....

It might me

sex is probably just not in a good connotation, at least in the back of your head.