Cheating/cuckold fantasy
When I met her she had just turned 18 and was just weeks after getting out of a 'slutty summer' phase - going clubbing, getting drunk and taking guys back to their cars for blowjob sometimes three times in the same night. I didn't know about this when I met her and started dating. After 4 months, we started seeing each other exclusively and had actual sex (took each other's virginity.) I was 19 and she was 18. That's when she told me about her slutty history and how ashamed she was and also that she was bisexual and had experiences with girls. While at first I felt threatened the idea of her with other people started exciting me. For a few months I masturbated to the thought of her getting it on with others. However she always refused to cheat or even do a threesome because she loved me. That was early on. However this fantasy stopped some weeks later.
Four years had passed since then. Things had changed. She started doubting the relationship as we had met young and she felt she needed to be single + she was losing the passion for me. She went on a conference in Frankfurt and according to her was dancing with a Spanish guy and they almost kissed. She felt guilty about it but told me she wanted to experience guys being interested in her again. In secret, I again started to masturbate to thoughts of her getting touched/fucking other guys. Eventually I came out to her with this fantasy and even had her narrate stories about herself cheating on me while I looked on. She said it was normal and I even encouraged her to go clubbing and cheat as long as it was with a girl and I got to hear all about it. She didn't do this but a week before she broke up with me she asked me if this fantasy was 'mental preparation' as she had been telling me she would hurt me eventually even though I stayed with her. Anyway, when she finally broke up with me 7 weeks ago, I still continued with the fantasy of watching her have sex with other people...even though she's not mine anymore and is probably exactly what she's doing since it was only the relationship that kept her back...
Is this normal? Thinking about a girlfriend (now ex girlfriend) having sex with others while you watch from a hiding place and getting turned on?