Ask Your Question today
My wife cheated on me with my cousin I have been trying to work things out but sometimes it doesn't seem like she is trying. I feel like giving up but I am in love with her so much and she is the mother of my three beautiful children. I don't know what to do is this normal?
Go and kick the shit out of your cousin. If you don't then you will always feel like less of a man.
I don't only find that unfair, but also sexist. If anything, the woman has given him more reason to get the "shit kicked out of her" than the cousin has. Yes, he betrayed a family member, but she betrayed her romantic partner, father to her children, and the family as a whole. If the cousin is to be beaten up, then she deserves doible of what he gets.
Getting outside help seems like a mighty fine idea.
Its normal that you are feeling ...weird and drawn into different directions at a time like this.
I guess there's also a lot of elements that come into this which we don't know...did she regret it and come to you admitting she cheated after it happened once? Or did you catch her in flagranti after a year-long affair?
How you are able to deal with it, that is, if you are capable of rebuilding trust and accepting this happened, only you yourself can decide.
Trying to fix things is a start, but it seems she may be evading this topic? A natural thing, if you think about it...it's a source of shame, potential conflict, problems...for her, it may seem best to just forget about it all and pretend it never happened. Only thats not very reasonable from her because while focusing single-mindedly on this will be poisonous, ignoring it will make the wound fester.
An outside influence may be what you need to approach the topic with the proper focus.
It's pretty normal to be bewildered after being cheated on. Revenge would be my first reaction but I'm not usually very good at giving advice.
I just asked my wife and she says you two should go see a marriage councillor.
I think you should buy a gun.
Sucks. Sorry to hear that. She will likely not change. You can still be a good dad, heck, maybe you'll get the kids.
I know there's two sides to every story her side is that he told her that I left a bar with another woman so he comforted her and got closer to her until they slept together. When she felt like it was wrong and she wanted to stop he would say that's fine let's talk to me about it which she was scared to so she would keep doing it. When I tried to talk to him to straiten things out and try to forgive him he would just says nothing ever happened between them and she is lying. I tried a couple of times to talk to him he will not answer me anymore. Now I just avoid him so nothing does happen.
If a woman cheated on you once she will do it again, there is no such thing as recovering slut, when she tells you she won't do it anymore, doesn't mean she will do it any less either. She didn't confess to you because she was scared after she found out your cousin was sleeping with someone else, she wanted to get back at him, to ruin the relationship between you two, and perhaps to make you beat him up, by now she probably knows you and figured out you will stay with her even if she tells you. That's a very dangerous kind of woman, she manipulates you and live by convenience, meanwhile you come out as the cuckold spineless foot-rug. There are many good women out there, don't waste your life on a rotten one.
Agree with itduz' point on this one. Yes it was a cousin, but the woman chose to go outside of the relationship which makes her more to blame. My ex (father of my 3 kids) cheated on me with prostitutes. Everyone said they bet I hate the women he cheated with, but truth is he chose to cheat on me, he didn't have to! And my problem was mainly with him, not The people he cheated with. Even If he was unhappy he could've talked to me or bailed out, before sleeping with anyone else. As for marriage counselling and her not going, she shit all over you and now she doesn't want to sort it because she doesn't like counselling? Shows how keen she is to sort it! She should be jumping through hoops to sort it out, she was the one in the wrong! I would say leave, as I stayed and my ex ended up cheating again. If I had my time again I wouldn't have given him any more years of my life to destroy. Never forgive someone who didn't care enough to be faithful in the first place. Good luck...
Get out! Get out! Get out! This just happened to me after 13 yrs together with my boyfriend. He cheated; I found out and hung on for 4 years after. They were the 4 most horrible years of my life. It was hard to let go but I am better for it. I was miserable always questioning his every move, phone call, outing. It hurts to let go but it hurts more to think every time your partner leaves they are going to the other person, every time they get a call it is the other person. The trust was lost and could not be restored. It will hurt, it will be hard but it will get better.
I am actually irritated by a few of the comments here. You do realize that the "woman" betrayed in more ways than one? Yet the cousin is the only one to be beaten? I find this very sexist. She has done more, betrayed not only her partner's family, him, but she has also betrayed her children. Yes, the cousin definetly is an asshole, but she has betrayed more than him, so if anyone is to be physically beaten (I don't think any should) then it should be the woman. But I guess only the male in the situation deserves physical violence, regardless of the mother of three that cheated on her husband and betrayed not only her husband's family, but her own children.
Truelly is astounding.
Ack! This is horrible. It's dreadful to be cheated on, but by a family member? There's just something about such a fundamental lack of respect that horrifies me. I don't have any advice for you because I have no idea what I would do, but I do hope things work out for you. I really do.
she cheated on you with your cousin!? And yall have three kids!? Kill that bitch!
I was going to make one comment until I read that year and a half part. That changes things completely, as she did not make a "drunken accident" and she was actively planning this behind your back. You will never be able to work through this and trust her again (I have been there). And the kicker is that she didn't like marriage counseling, did you mention that you didn't like her raggedy ass banging your cousin?
That is a hard situation to give advice on, but personally I would leave her, take the kids, and find a woman that isn't a raggedy ass hoe. You don't need your kids learning this behavior from her!
And it will not help your situation one bit, but it would feel hella good to beat your cousin like a red headed step child!
I have not talked or seen him since this all came out if I do see him I will probably end up in jail afterwards.
Have you seen your partner since? If so, and you've done nothing like you would to your cousin, regardless of it being very unfortunate what happened to you, I would deem you as a sexist.
Your partner betrayed far more people than your cousin did, yet he is the one to get the worst of it? Your partner betrayed you "AND" your children/her children, yet it's the cousin you're more irritated with?
She cheated on me for a year and a half. When she found out he was sleeping with someone else she got scared and told me. We went to counciling but stopped because she didn't like going.
You probably should beat your cousin like a drum. It won't solve anything but it will make you feel better.
What? His partner has betrayed far more than his cousin is, yet he is to get beat like a drum? Why not her? She was the one that betrayed her partner, her partner's family, and her/his kids, yet the cousin is to be given worse treatment?
He still loves her and wants to be with her. I agree she is more at fault but beating your own wife is like scratching your own car.
Obviously she does not care for the health of your relationship. She cheated on you for a year and a half and refuses to work things out? You might want to consider the possibility that she has already left you, even though she is still here.
Leave her. Try get custody of your children, she obviously does not care about the stability of the household for the family, so she should not be the one to have custody of the children.
Disown your cousin as part of your family.
Find a female that will respect you, not some slut that will risk the stability of the family.