Chareles ingales james evans

I know this isn't normal but is it normal to wish my dad was Charles Ingales from "Little House" or James Evans from "Good Times"? My father was an abusive s.o.b. that constantly put my mother down constantly forced me to do drugs and beat the hell out of me until i moved out at 23. I'm 51 now and going through the same crap again. My father 8s very sick and had to move in with me (he refused nursing home). He maies me cry daily. He never approved of my life choices (im a teacher, lesbian white female married to a black female retired navy vet). He wants everything his way.

These two shows came out when I was a child. Ive never experience the love like I wanted from dad. Mom was awsome. But looking at Little house and Good times i saw those men did anything and everything for their family. I know its silly especially at my age and I should try to forgive my father but he is the same way from my entire life. But i always try to look past all the bull but he isn't trying with me. Our days are numhered and I don't want to worry about fictional characters being my actual father. Is it normal?