Cant deal with the idea of my sick father dying

im 14. 3 years ago, my grandfather died from cancer. I still remember the day when he was diagnosed, and they told him he had 6 months to live. those were the most agonizing 6 months I've ever had to live through. it was painful; horrible. dreadful, each morning i woke up and wondered if he's going to be here by the end of the day. waiting for that day to finally come and take him away from me..

and then 6 months had gone by; he was still alive but very sick. his tan skin gone pale and his once bright eyes gone yellow. the hardest thing was watching him sit in that hospital bed, and smiling just because we came to visit him :') the joy on his face told it all. but really, that should be the thing to make you smile. being home and well, with all your family and friends with you should be the thing to make you happy. not this. this was wrong. it was sad.

I remember the day my dad called from the hospital.. his words 'grandpa is.. he..' but we already knew what he was going to say. I broke down int tears. he was the closest person to me. I love him with all my heart. I remember him taking me out shopping whenever I came to visit. i remember walking into his house and going straight to the backyard to find him; with all his birds. I still remember all those great times we had together.

and at the end of the day; that's all that matters. I know what I went through ant compare to a father-son relationship, but I was my grandpas little girl. and I think it's pretty darn close. what usually makes me smile, is thinking: god wanted him in heaven with him. god took him from us, not a disease.

but of course if your not religious, then who am I to speak. to this day, I can't bring myself to say he's 'dead'. I can't talk about him in past tense. I talk about him as if he's still alive. I LOVE him. not LOVED. he'll always be apart of me, in my heart.

'he may be gone from your life, but he'll always remain in your heart. maybe not visible, but definitely not irreplaceable'

good luck.

I wasn't close to my father, so it's difficult to offer advice. It did hurt for 6 or so months, and I do sometimes think of him. It's tough to lose anyone you love, but you can cope with it. Be as sad as you need to be, then pick yourself up and carry on.

Same as above - please seek comfort and support from others who will care for you as you go through this, whatever the outcome.

My father-in-law passed away this year. He was only in his 50s. It was so friggin sad. My hubby is still really upset, and he's taken it so hard. I miss my father-in-law every day. We were pretty close. So I understand what you must be going through. I hope it works out. All the best to you... keep your head up (I know it's hard!!) and hope for the best. Try to be strong for yourself, and for him. Good luck. *HUGS*