Can you hold someone responsible for your failure if this happens?

Let's say that you're working in New York, and your Family and Home is in California. One day you receive a call from a loved one that a family member is dying. You immediately confront your boss and ask to take some time off but he declines your request.

A few days later, your family member passes away, and you miss their funeral as well. You then fall into a very deep depression and your productivity has sharply declined at both work and home. You arrive to work late on a daily basis, you constantly take time away to sit in your car and cry to yourself, you have a bad attitude with your peers and you're becoming very unorganized and unmotivated.Your boss then calls you in and makes the decision to let you go.

Can you hold someone responsible for your failure if they refuse to give you the chance to fix your problems? Or is it your fault because you had the power to leave but chose not to because you're afraid of jeopardizing your job?

It's justified to hold this person responsible for your failure. 20
It's your fault you chose your job. You could've prevented this. 11
I think you and your boss are both responsible. 21
It's really difficult to say. It can go either way. 8
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Comments ( 19 )
  • GabrielGruff

    The boss is at fault. A dying man can't wait. Everything else can.

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    • flipflapflop

      Thats true, but I would say that one is always responsable for their mistakes and, of course, their success in life. You always have a choice.

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  • howaminotmyself

    There is something seriously wrong with a company that forgets the employees are human. Oddly, I am in my current position because of a similar situation. My predecessor had a family emergency that did not end well. If the company refused to give him leave to process and manage life, the company would have suffered greatly, and he would have suffered more. A little bit of human consideration can go a long way.

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  • impressing upon the boss the need for you take the time off for a dying relative and them saying no. this is when you make yr mind up, it is at this point that you would realize that the boss doesnt care about employees. if it was me i would have written a letter (to be filed) stating yr sincere request and your intention to take the time upon refusal. everything after this is the slow death of yr job. possible but only possible is another letter outlining your stress over the refusal but i think it wont do any good. the letters only in case of legals

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  • slenderella

    I agree that the boss should have allowed you the time you needed, but (without wanting to sound heartless because I certainly am sad for your situation) your attitude afterwards is not the bosses' fault. How long did you have a bad attitude before the boss let you go?

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  • dappled

    Life is rarely black and white. Any situation arises based on multiple people's actions and a percentage responsibility is attached to each. It becomes difficult where you get a feedback loop as one person's actions impact on another and then the other's subsequent actions feed back in. This seems to be the case in your post.

    To take it away from a situation that may be personal to you, say an employee is forced to work under unreasonable stress, becomes either depressed, surly, abusive of substances, or takes sick days when not sick (or any combination of the above). Most people would advocate personal responsibility and say the employee shouldn't be acting like that. But, by that point, the feedback loop is already in effect. I agree the employee should take personal responsibility but it should have been in the first instance. In this case, they need to make their employer aware that their stress level is unreasonable. If the employer refuses to address the situation in any way, it's perfectly reasonable to take legal advice because the share of responsibility is very clear at that point.

    It's possible to address it later but much harder and it's much less liable to go well for the employee (or ex-employee) as their actions will be judged at face value, rather than as part of a sequence of events.

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  • Avant-Garde

    The fault lies with your boss not you.

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  • :)BABYDOLL:)

    Your boss is a shit bag and I hate people like that! Im also going through similar situation and im worried too. :(

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  • theytookthisone

    Your boss is heartless

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  • joybird

    Just believe that 'everything happens for the best'. I'm sure there is a better job with nicer people just around the corner for you! Don't look back, keep going forward! You will be fine!

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  • Green_Guy

    It was one thing when he didn't let you see the person before they died but to not let you go to the funeral knowing full well he was the reason you didn't get a chance to say goodbye to that person was just evil, selfish, and greedy.
    I would feel very guilty to be the person who did that to another person.
    Firing you would have been a very hard thing to do, i mean, you have your problems and I would have done a terrible thing to you.
    Although buisness and life moves on ahead and if you cant keep up you'll be left behind i guess.

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  • Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress

    Other: everyone is responsible for their own actions and people need to set up priorities.

    First of all, you should have gone to the labor board to see what you could do. FMLA could have forced the boss to let you go, and guaranteed a job when you got back.

    Second, if you think your job performance is going to turn into crap if you don't get to see your family... that's when it's time to consider what matters more... Keeping the job or seeing the family.

    Lastly, if you do pick the job then it's something you'll have to live with. Yes it will be normal to be upset, but ... blaming the boss for one's own lack of effort or motivation is incorrect. You are in control of your own actions. Others cannot force you to act one ay or another unless you let them.

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  • Take responsibility for your own behaviour. You're behaviour got your fired, no one else's. Of course you were in mourning, but at work, if you want to keep your job, suck it up and get the job done.

    If you read most employee manuals, bereavement leave is only given for the death of a spouse or immediate family member. Most people have enough common sense to know that if a family member is dying, then it is their number one obligation to attend any services that are being held, otherwise you'll regret it. If it was only an old friend or ex-girlfriend/boyfriend, then no, giving leave at a job is not generally required.

    A lot also depends on how long you'd been moping around at work. Was it a day, a week, a month, months? Most employers would give you a few days or even a week of bad behaviour before they fired you over something like this. Maybe your awareness of what is acceptable behaviour at work is not as sharp as it should be.

    Anyway, I'm sorry for your loss. Hopefully, you are able to get past this incident. Clinging to blame will only draw out your misery.

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  • koolkeepn

    Loosing a Loved person is somebody who can never be replaced. Sympathy should be first

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  • hi5ingamillionangels

    it's just a super unfortunate situation. some issues just aren't built into our society's system and when those issues come up, unfair things happen. I don't think it's either of your faults

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  • Smartasscookie

    Hard call, I think its a bit of both, but your boss should of cut you some slack and just gave you some leave since you obviously wouldn't be able to work to usual standards

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  • Rhuarc

    Tell me if you would have gone to the funeral would it have made you feel any better? No. Its your family members fault for dying and your fault for not being able to handle your emotions.

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  • Dozis

    Way tooo complicated.Didn't understand shit.Sorry.

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    • Green_Guy

      Naah you're just dumb, everyone else seems to have got it.

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