Can you forgive someone even without recieving an apology?

14 Comments

I recently had a bad falling out with my brother. He said a lot of things about me which offended and angered me. I was ready to disown him, the whole debacle was consuming my mind everyday with hate and distrust. I had to let it go, the grudge was no good for my health. He never apologized, but I told him I forgive him. What are your thoughts on this? Can you effectively forgive someone who doesn't seek forgiveness?

Yes 30
No 8
Other (comment) 2
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Comments ( 14 )
  • Parky_Parker
    9 years ago

    Forgiving is for your own good. Forgive so that it doesn't eat you alive. But you don't have to forget. If you do me wrong, I'll eventually forgive you, but the lesson and memory will stay for future reference.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      I will never forget. as much as I want to and wish I could, I will never.

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  • NeuroNeptunian
    9 years ago

    I think you can but it's probably more for you than for them. I used to have (and to a minor extent, still do) SERIOUS anger issues and I know from experience how much of a toll that feeling such strong anger can take on your psyche.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      thank you for your comment, it's really good to hear other's thoughts on this.

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  • Unimportant
    9 years ago

    You can, I think.

    It doesn't have to be stated expressively. You can forgive without him even knowing.

    I would call it "being the bigger person".

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  • Petrichor.
    9 years ago

    I've struggled with this in the past...but I forgave 'someone' for being the way they were and, still is - to this very day. But it's like what the others have said, that it's for your own good rather than the offender. I just couldn't let myself carry-on holding a grudge like that. It takes an unhealthy toll on you so it's better to just let it go. Forgive and forget, I say. That's not always easy, but holding on to the memory is like holding onto the anger, so! You have to get to the point where you can let it all go to truly be free.

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  • Kinetix
    9 years ago

    Usually.

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  • [Old Memory]
    9 years ago

    Personally, I'd call that a pushover.

    Why would you forgive someone who hasn't asked for it, unless you were in the wrong to begin with?

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      to let it go and not be consumed by resentment

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      • [Old Memory]
        9 years ago

        That sounds great, but from experience, all it does is eat at you until the offender relinquishes fault.

        Just my opinion. Based on experience. I used to think that way too.

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  • thegypsysailor
    9 years ago

    I don't see what one has to do with the other. One you choose to do to facilitate your life and ease your mind, the other is out of your control. Forgiveness should never be conditional; it should be given freely, without reservation.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      yeah my point is more that if you forgive someone who doesn't seek forgiveness then you are forgiving them for something they have no intention of redeeming themselves for so you're basically just accepting their viewpoint and saying that you're not going to let it bother you. That may be difficult for some to do.

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      • thegypsysailor
        9 years ago

        Again, I don't think the forgiving is about them. You would do it because it is something you want/need to do to move on. They might never even know you've forgiven them, especially if they don't feel the need to apologize.
        Isn't the whole point of forgiving about no longer letting it bother you?

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          9 years ago

          Yes, exactly.

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