Can't give it up

So I'm still a virgin.
And I don't really want to be.
It's not that no one wants me, I get sh*t all the time, but every time I'm in the situation, I pull away.
So, this one guy who I've wanted to sleep with invites me over, we start kissing, I basically tell him that I've wanted to have sex with him for a while, and so we atte,pt it, but I keep pulling back everytime his hands, tongue, whatever gets too close to my pussy.

We kept trying, but finally I gave up, then he did.

I feel so disappointed in myself.

I wanted him so bad, then I could've had him, yet I stupidly pulled back.

This doesn't seem normal to me.