Bullying: treating males and females differently

10 Comments

I am dealing with two different instances of bullying at my school. One involves a male and one involves a female. I want to know how you feel about the way I am handling the situations.

FEMALE: The guys in the class were making sexually explicit comments about a girl, throwing things at her, pulling her hair etc. I happened to see and took action - had her report it all in writing on the DL and told the guys it was me who reported it all. We then pulled her into my class to keep her from the guys. It has been reported to the school and parents. In addition, I did address the males directly.

MALE: I witnessed another male possibly lightly slap him and that male has been talking shit to him. I do not want to address the male directly (and by that I mean I tell the kid "quit talking crap" but I haven't put my foot down in the manner that I did with the males) as I know what will happen - "Oh now you are having the TA fight your battles for you" or some variant. I did, however, report it to the staff and the kid's father.

So here's my issue: should I handle bullying against males tactfully in the manner in which I did with the second case? Should I discard the "fighting battles" concern and be as direct as I was with the other kids? As in, pulling the bully to the side and imposing direct consequences? Bear in mind, male pride is very real: he won't directly tell me "yes, I want something done" and directly standing up for him *may* just add more shame to the equation.

Let me know what you think. I go back to work tomorrow and I will ask the staff what they think but I'd like some peer input. I have every intention of taking action and I feel no differently about the male being bullied than I do the female simply because he is male. I want the best outcome for him.

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Comments ( 10 )
  • VinnyB
    8 years ago

    I think that as a staff member if you witness violence in your school you have a moral, and possibly legal, obligation to report it.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      8 years ago

      And I did.
      But this is a school for criminals. They are all mainly here because they behave this way. It isn't as easy as "oh well he hit him, he's out".

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      • Riddler
        8 years ago

        Discipline both of them. Tell them that such behavior will not be tolerated and such lack of control shows that they are less of a person. So to act civilized or they will be treated in a civil manner unless they learn to behave.

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      • VinnyB
        8 years ago

        That just makes what I said all the more true. Such a school designed to handle such students and situations is bound to have very specific regulations and guidelines to deal with those situations. Those guidelines are for the safety of both factuality and students.

        I realize your heart is in the right place, but you shouldn't be making assumptions about what you think the students want you to do based on gender or anything else. You should be reporting and handling incidents in accordance with policy, and following the direction of superiors in regard to additional action, if any, that they want you to take. Nothing more, nothing less.

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          8 years ago

          As much of a sin as it is to say this on this site: gender does matter here. I can't go ham on a female student for fighting the way I can on a male student. Saying one thing will a different reaction in a male or female student the majority of the time.

          Does gender matter all of the time? No. There are males in the class that I can handle in a polite and gentle manner that would cause the more masculine males to go "WTF you're not my Mom" and being very firm with most females will cause them confusion and often emotional duress.

          The female students are usually much more willing to reach out for help. The male students don't want to be seen as weak. I don't just make these decisions without the students' input. That said, much like I already stated, said male student won't reach out for help like the female student was willing to yet I have noticed that the shit talking has caused the male student to progressively become more withdrawn and depressed - he NEEDS the help, but he will not consent to it.

          At a school like this, strict protocol would do more harm to the students than good. We can't redirect and help the students better themselves if we can't make judgement calls in regards to when and how to punish them. I have many students who should have been kicked out years ago but we weren't willing to quit on them and they have improved significantly.

          This is why I say... judgement calls are in order and part of my job is to make the calls. I'm just asking for possible social alternatives to this beyond what I hear from the other staff because I rarely deal with bullying in which both the bully and the bullied are students who are typically quiet and withdrawn. Beta on beta.

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  • Short4Words
    8 years ago

    You should address the male student privately to assess his needs. Other than that your intuition isn't wrong.

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  • Darkoil
    8 years ago

    I've been to one of these last resort schools, every single one of the students will never amount to anything. If I were you I would just let them attack each other, maybe even put forward the idea of involving them in some type of real life Battle Royale ;)

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  • thegypsysailor
    8 years ago

    As a TA I'm not sure it is your place to be directly involved in any of it. I believe you are not trained or licensed too do so.
    If you witness a physical altercation, then obviously you must act in the moment, but an untrained person dealing with these sorts of situations, puts the whole school into jeopardy. Your place is to inform your trained superiors and let them take the appropriate actions.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      8 years ago

      That's where you're wrong. I work at a school where I am among the only full time staff there so I AM authorized most of the same authorities that the higher up staff are and I do most of the work that a teacher would but I can't directly discipline the kids, paperwork wise. At the same time, due to the nature of the school, a lot of them can't either because it is a school for children who have disciplinary issues. I was hired mainly because I have the qualifications to intervene in situations involving fighting as I am trained to restrain individuals using minimal force if they are actively trying to harm each other. That's how I sprained my wrist last week...

      In addition to that, I have the qualifications to teach and counsel as well as handle the mentally ill and learning disabled population of students. This is part of how I earn my credential to be a fully certified teacher. I have an associate's and am working on a Bachelor's and AM fully trained for this. This isn't your ordinary school.

      You know how the public complains how children who need "extra help" or who need "extra guidance" are just pushed through the system? We are one of the last steps of the "system" that they are pushed through and we are expected to (and sincerely try to) make sure that they don't get any further down the public education ladder than us - juvenile hall, total expulsion from the system being the echelons that are lower than us.

      I'm just trying to figure out the most socially appropriate response.

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      • thegypsysailor
        8 years ago

        Obviously, you are like no TA I've ever encountered or heard of. I wish you luck in your chosen profession, but I just read last week that many teachers are retiring, with the sincere belief that their profession as educators is dead. Few if any wish to continue in a system that has teachers working as babysitters.

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