Brother/sister - it's not normal, but what is it??

9 Comments

This isn't normal.

I am a male, 30 now. I have repressed this for many years now, but seek closure on this.

Between the ages of 6-8, my sister (who is 5 years older) initiated sexual touching/rubbing between us. This definitely wasn't my idea, but I went along with it. I actually was curious, as all boys of 6-8 have some hardwired sex intinct and can get erections over girls even though not sexually mature. This happened perhaps 10-20 times, but can only remember 2 times clearly. Just so you know, this wasn't sex or oral or anything, mainly me just rubbing her. Thinking about it makes me want to puke.

I have felt a massive amount of shame over this my whole life, the fact that I went along with it and was aroused by it! Yuk! I was never bullied into it or threatened, just encouraged to. The 2nd time I remember was when I was 8 and I didn't need much encouragement....we were very poor and wasn't much else to do, I guess I thought at that age it was a bit of excitement and couldn't see what was wrong with it, although I knew deep down it wasn't normal.

In later life I have really struggled with sex, finding it a very stressful experience and lacking confidence. It's also fair to say my sister didn't do much for my self esteem either by humiliating me regularly. I have had drug problems since 16 and have cut myself and contemplated suicide sometimes. You would NEVER know this if you knew me as I am (without being big headed) pretty successfull, and well paid, but I do have alot of weekend addictions

My sis is now a different person and we get on OK, very rarely think about it now (allthough I hated her for 10 years - she had a vendetta against me as a teenager and screwed quite a few guys to get to me, like my friends and enemies, which caused me more embarrasment)

What I want to know is was I sexually abused? All of the articles online seem to be focussed on male - female abuse and I have never read a case like this?

If this is widely considered abuse I will get some help for it - if it is just kids doing silly stuff I will look elsewhere for some solutions to my problems!

Just to confirm:

- I have had 1 long term relationship and several sexual partners.
- I have never had any recurring desires for my sister since or after - not even at the time, it was more curiousity about female and my own anatomy.
- I do not find incest a turn on - in fact I find it repulsive!

is it normal (prob not!) 38
Is it just kids messing around 202
Is it relatively strange but not a huge deal 91
Is it something serious I should get help with 81
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Comments ( 9 )
  • Darkoil
    11 years ago

    It's called kids being kids, children are curious about everything, especially what the opposite sex has in their pants. Fucking deal with it and move on.

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    • Gelmurag
      11 years ago

      I actually agree with this. Siblings experiment...that is part of life and growing up.

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  • chuy
    8 years ago

    2 kids messing around no biggie

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  • bleach_baby
    11 years ago

    I think some sexual experimentation between siblings is normal and if you enjoyed it at the time and didn't feel coerced or forced you should just try to accept it. Most likely it is the attitude you learned about incest later which is causing you guilt and stress. But if you felt like you were pressured to do it or upset by it at the time then maybe it was abusive. Either way your feelings about it need addressing so you should seek some help with your problems.

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  • thoughtfulopt29
    11 years ago

    I have the EXACT SAME THING HAPPEN TO ME !!. I've had shame over this for years but got over it! but i researched about what happened its called sibling sex abuse. Read this it'll explain everything to you!! http://www.pandys.org/articles/siblingsexualabuse.html

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  • sophiehope123
    9 years ago

    hello there,, im kind of in the same situation only my mental health has left me unable to work,, i dont remember actually doing anything with my older brother but i do remember him asking what my genitles were for and i find it haunting,, my mind is creating things that i dont think were there in the first place,, i remember asking my brother if i could touch his penis too i dont quite remember if i did or not but knowing that i asked him freaks me out,, was it wrong for my brother to ask? was it wrong of me to ask my other brother if i could touch him? i just dont know its silly really,, its easy for people to say just get on with it but when it leaves you with mental damage we need aswers maybe i am going overboard, sorry for the long mesage guys,, i too hope that you feel better about yourself and got the answers you needed xxx

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  • Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress
    11 years ago

    sounds like you need to start talking to a therapist

    i almost wonder if she herself went through a lot of internal hell over what happened between the two of you

    perhaps you both need to confront each other and find a way to forgive yourselves and each other.

    but of course your therapist can help you the most on figuring out what path is the best for you

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  • Couman
    11 years ago

    I admit I say this without any first hand experience (thank goodness, I guess), but it seems to me incredibly tempting to blame any sort of life problem on experiences such as this, but many of these problems are nonspecific sorts of things that lots of people struggle with.

    IMHO anything such as addiction should be confronted directly, rather than worrying about what may or may not be the root cause. On the directly sex and relationship related issues, I guess it has to be considered at least, but I still think people leap to that explanation a bit too easily.

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  • eats,shoots_and_leaves
    11 years ago

    I smell troll

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