Boyfriend wants to break up after ms diagnosis

58% Normal
8 Comments

We’ve been dating for 4 years, and while he’s been through many trying circumstances during the tim, father’s death, morher’s me tal breakdown, close friend’s death, a workplace accident, he was recently diagnosed with MS. He suffers from vision problems, muscle pain, and digestive issues. Despite all this I’m truly happy with him and he seemed happy with our relationship. But after the diagnosis he told me he dosent want to be in a relationship any longer, he’s just not happy with life anymore and can’t be in a relationship. I’ve truly enjoyed our time together and would be there for him in his suffering, but I just think he needs space, I don’t think he truly wants to break up. Should I just give him space? Should I keep talking it out with him?

Voting Results
58% Normal
Based on 12 votes (7 yes)
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Comments ( 8 )
  • Boojum
    5 years ago

    An MS diagnosis is a truly shitty thing to happen, particularly since it usually hits out of the blue and it commonly happens to young people who believe they're in the prime of their life.

    It wouldn't be at all surprising if he's depressed. Nor would it be surprising if this has thrown you for a loop, and you've been flailing around trying to get a handle on how you should deal with it.

    He may be feeling that everything is pointless, he has no future worth considering, and therefore he's worthless, and so he's going to be a totally crap boyfriend. Or he could just be wallowing in self-pity, which would be a completely understandable reaction.

    If you two were happy and the diagnosis is very recent, perhaps you could suggest that you not do anything rash while you're both still processing the diagnosis, learning how to deal with the practical issues, and trying to come to terms with what his future might hold. Maybe you could agree that you'll try to continue as you have been for the time being, and that you'll make a decision about what you're going to do in six months? (Say the Fourth of July.)

    I'm not suggesting that you both sign a contract or promise not to break up in any circumstances, but if you both commit to giving it your best shot for a specific period, that might be enough to get you over the initial bumps in the road. Having a partner with a chronic, degenerative illness can be extremely challenging, so it is possible that you might be forced to conclude after that time that you just aren't equipped to deal with everything. But at the very least, you will have tried your best to help him get through this phase of his life, and that's something you could feel proud of.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      5 years ago

      I understand that he’s probably beyond depressed, especially after all the trauma before the diagnosis. If he wants space, fine. If it is permanent, I’m learning to accept it although I would keep contact.

      I was just very happy with him. He reminds me of my father and truly made me feel loved. It would be hard to lose him as a BF but I want to accept it.

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  • Tealights
    5 years ago

    Sounds like he's depressed and planning on committing suicide, which is why he's pushing you away suddenly. Stay by his side, and don't let him face it alone no matter what.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      5 years ago

      I don’t think he’s suicidal, he just feels ashamed of himself is the best way I can describe it.

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      • Tealights
        5 years ago

        Okay. Well, I'm not going to argue, because I hope I'm wrong. I just see some major red flags in the little amount you've post.

        This is just an observation + opinion: Another thing that bothers me is, "I'm truly happy with him." You repeated this multiple times. Twice in your main post and once in a reply. Who are you trying to convince? Speaking from a psychological standpoint, when people repeat themselves, it's more than likely that they are trying to believe it more than anyone else. It's very obvious that your boyfriend is depressed to an alarming degree, and giving you a chance to bail. You seem very willing to leave since you've repeated your decision many times, but you appear guilty for it and searching for validation from us.

        Have you been his caretaker for a while? If so, this will all make a lot more sense, because caring for another can be stressful to the point of wanting to leave even though you love them. Before abandoning him with this debilitating sickness (if you haven't already), look up ways to cope as a caretaker; however, if you really want to go, then do what you want, you don't need us to tell you if it's wrong or right.

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  • brutus
    5 years ago

    He is probably depressed. I myself suffer from vicious vision problems, severe balance issues, chronic pain etc etc.

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  • BlindSpot
    5 years ago

    I don't understand why he doesn't want your support...I mean during such a difficult time, you would want your loved ones around you... Maybe he doesn't want you to see him because he feels insecure about himself and is scared that you might break up with him if you see him in a poor state.

    Maybe he's just the type who likes to have space to deal with difficulties. Maybe he feels he can't deal with the amount of effort a relationship will take. I'm just playing around with a few ideas here and could very well be wrong. You had rather ask him for a better reason yourself. You could also let him know that you're there for him, if not as a partner, at least as a friend.

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  • Columbusbiguy
    5 years ago

    Walk away. Respect his wishes.

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