Boyfriend wants kids, i'm on the fence, iin?

It's very difficult (and quite uncomfortable) having babies while you're on a fence. It also takes astounding balance -- kind of like making love while standing up ... in a hammock. I recommend getting off that fence and having your baby in a more conventional setting.

@skyhuh24 I think you missed the part where she said "not for a very very long time". I don't know about you, but a very very long time seems like plenty of time to get married BEFORE having babies. Your negativity accomplishes nothing positive and makes you look bad. There's no need to insult someone asking for advice.

Love your story ms caffinated

Seriously, your question shows that you are WAAY too immature and selfish to have babies at this time.

It's perfectly normal. I myself have the same feelings. I don't want kids, they would tie me down. I had to basically raise my siblings and that put me off even the possibility of wanting kids. Good for you, for thinking ahead. Sounds like you have time to think about it, so do just that. Think it through and don't rush yourself in a decision.

@zamboni: The whole reason I dislike caring for and being around babies and very young children is because of my experience with family lol That and the sound of an infant crying drives me absolutely nuts.. Like listening to someone rubbing a balloon with a rubber glove on or something *shudder*

@ everyone else: Yes..yes, marriage first. Relax xD Definitely not in a rush there.

Don't have a child until your married please.

Do not doubt your ability to love your child. The mothering instinct is powerful.

I wouldn't worry too much about it, these feelings can easily change with time. Just enjoy being with your partner, if you love each other, I have no doubt that you can raise a happy child.

Straight up answer normal but doesn't mean you have to do it. And from what it sounds like don't do it! You need to take care of yourself 1st before you can especially a baby. And yeah is possible to travel with a kid but it'll be easier without one.

@devila: Well the whole point here is that my bf and I just had that that talk about whether or not we actually have a future together because of this very issue.. As in deciding if we want to continue the relationship. If this were anyone else it would be an absolute dealbreaker.

So I kinda freaked out trying to imagine myself having children because it scares me to death. It doesn't seem like me at all to even consider it, but I don't want to lose this great relationship over something so far down the road. By then we'd have been together 10+ years and that's a lot of time to spend with the wrong person if something like this is going to be an issue.

Does that make any sense? After we had that talk I just kind of had a mini panic attack imagining so much crap going wrong in the future (including possibly losing him..ugh)...so I came here.

@everyone else: Thanks again for the help, I don't feel so insane anymore for having such a hard time processing this.

Its something that you should think about for a while before making a decision.

If anything, I think you should get married first. And don't be worried whether you'll like your child or not. When they're your own, you'll probably love them regardless. And things will probably come naturally too.

Going to ignore the troll that couldn't read past the title and say: thank you all for the encouraging words. We just had the big talk about this considering marriage was always sort of a given between us (we've been friends for about 7 years and a couple for at least three of them..we're inseparable). He made it clear that he's not even remotely interested in kids until at least ten years from now...so I have a while to get comfortable with the idea.

My other biggest fears are the childbirth itself and PPD. I've already pretty much decided I'm going to need to be knocked out for a c- section to get through that..

I guess for the infant and toddler days I'll just have to grit my teeth and keep thinking of the ultimate goal to get me through it. We imagine our geeky little family will be having family DnD nights, getting cozy on the couch and sharing our favorite nostalgic movies, music, old games, and classic fantasy literature with them. Thoughts like that make it seem so much more palatable compared to the typical ideal family picture..it makes me kind of smiley actually, maybe there's hope for me yet.

Okay, i am speaking in my sisters expireance, I personally can't WAIT to have kids of my own but thats just me, Well my sister was a party girl, the kind all of the boys drooled after and wanted (The cool thing about her is she didn't sleep with any of them, thats were my beliefs stem from, She was my idol lol) Anyways, She always told me she would NEVER have kids! She just hated all of them lol. Eventually going places and doing stuff started to lose it's appeal to her, She got bored of dating guy after guy that she would just brake up with when she was bored with them. One of her closes friends (who was pretty much in love with her for a few years, he is.. not as attractive as her previous hot boy friends. Imagine bear in the big blue house if he was human lol But he's really smart and hilarious) They started talking again, till they eventually only hung out with each other. He really wanted kids, but her, not so much. They were together for a 2 years -thats longer than any guy she was with, before she moved in with him. They are perfectly ment for each other :D I guess after a while he finally talked her down to at least not, not trying to get pregnant. Eventually it happened, and I never seen a women love her stomach so much! lol She would take every vitamin, eat everything right, sing to her tummy, yell at it jokingly to hurry up and come out already lol. And when it finally did, She bawled like a baby, only being able to stare at his little body, kissing him and holding him tightly. Now he's 2 and the most smartest, talkative, funniest, cleverly bad little boy, And she is a dottingly obsessed mother lmao! You can't have a conversation with her without her bringing up Nathanael! What I'm saying is, You can hate everybody elses kids, but when it comes to your own, They could be the baddest most distructful little thing, and your motherly instincts would tell you it's adorable! lol I'm not trying to push the idea on you, I'm just saying never assume how your going to act to a baby, because it's a whole lot differant when you hold his little body and touch his little hand ~^_^~ Thanks for reading my rambles lol. I think my post was longer than yours >_O

I hear you there. I myself love the thought of having a child with my boyfriend years down the road but I myself also have iffy thoughts on it. But as long as you discipline the child fairly and stick to it and love them unconditionally (but don't spoil them) then everything should be fine.

Oh my goodness! I have been in your EXACT predicament; husband wanted a baby but I never really liked kids.

Now I have a son of my own and he is the most amazing person in my life, apart from his father. You would be amazed of how different it is when he/she is your own.

It is hard the first few months but it gets easier. Just remember to spend time with your child and show them you love them. Not spending enough time with your child is what makes them show out for attention.

Good luck! I hope you find the answers you are looking for!

Well of course ud feel that way because ure bro but when it's ur own kid it will be different I have that same fear too cus I'm stuck at house takin care of my two year old niece but I realize each kid is different and u never know u might have an easy goin little girl or boy But don't compare ure potential kid to ure bro because ure kid should have the baby likeness of u and boyfriend when u were babies over time u will feel differently I have days where oh I'd like a kid
Then another I'm like I never want any kids Idont low if this helps u any but good luck remember it will be different when it's ure kid Your holdin in ure arms in the hospital we always have a different kind of love for other peoples kids but when it's urea it will be more than that

It's a big decision, at least you're smart and don't have kids already. It's good to talk about your future with him, so you know where each other stands. You also need to talk about your fears with him though.