Boyfriend fell asleep during sex.

38% Normal
17 Comments

My boyfriend and I are living together, and I'm getting incredibly concerned for our sex life. We've usually been pretty consistent in our habits, both sex drives functioning at the same level, but I feel like his sex drive has almost come to a complete stop or something.

We haven't had sex in over a week, and the time before that was separated by a week as well. We had sex, if you can call it that, tonight, but it was pathetic and he fell asleep. He initiated it by waking me up, but after we were in it for 5 minutes, he just stops.

Now, I'm wide awake, upset, embarrassed, sexually frustrated, and I have no idea what to do. I don't want to embarrass him by getting upset about him falling asleep. I've talked to him before about the importance of sex in a relationship, because we had been lacking, and I know he started it tonight in order to please me. I'm terrified he's lost interest in me, though. I mean, he'll show physical interest in small ways (kiss roughly, grab ass, spank, etc...), but he never takes it farther than that, and I don't know why.

In all honesty, I do not have a crazy sex drive. I don't crave it all the time, but I do want physical intimacy with the man I love. It scares me when we have less and less sex.

Am I being a jerk about this, are others going through the same thing? Any advice would be helpful.

Voting Results
38% Normal
Based on 13 votes (5 yes)
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Comments ( 17 )
  • DannyKanes
    10 years ago

    I don't think you're a jerk, but I do find it awfully rude to wake you for sex and then all asleep like that. You definitely need to talk to him about that.

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    • shuggy-chan
      10 years ago | pl

      nahhh, just stick a finger in his butt, he'll wake up real quick

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    • CupKates
      10 years ago

      Yeah, he did apologize. He even brought up the subject to me. He knows how I'm feeling.

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  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    Maybe he's depressed. Guys often lose their sex drive if they're not happy with life.

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    • CupKates
      10 years ago

      No, he's definitely not depressed. I'm quite aware of symptoms of depression. He gets pretty good sleep, he's eating well, he's almost always happy or content. Not depression.

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  • Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress
    10 years ago

    Just a week?

    maybe it's nothing as dramatic as you seem to be suggesting. sometimes it happens. it could be stress, or just being tired, new routines etc.

    before focusing on how much you want to get laid, if this is a relationship you value, why not find out how he's feeling. i don't mean a deep discussion about "why aren't we having sex?!" but just finding out if he's tired or has a lot on his mind

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    • CupKates
      10 years ago

      Hey, why don't you learn how to read. Instead of skimming through, truly focus on what the writer is saying. Now, go back to the original post and try again. Also, for more assistance with your inability to read, feel free to skim over the comment I left TheGhostofReason.

      If you don't find this helpful, well, that makes two of us.

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      • Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress
        10 years ago

        The problem is... it doesn't sound like you're looking for a way to fix this.

        It sounds like you're trying to drum up support in blaming him.

        If that's what you want, fine. It's a great way to talk yourself into ejecting from a relationship .... instead of perhaps fixing it by having mature discussions with your partner where you both admit your faults and try to work things over.

        Hint - it's never just one person's fault. It's just easier to pretend it is vs admitting to one's own mistakes and shortcomings.

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        • CupKates
          10 years ago

          After looking at your profile and noticing it's attention seeking little "my advise is harsh, and I don't apologize for it" shpiel, I refuse to answer you. This may be a public forum, but you're not looking to help. You're looking to be snappy, a smart ass, and ultimately feel better about yourself since you obviously lack any social grace or any ability to give real advice.

          Peace.

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          • Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress
            10 years ago

            so you refuse to answer me by answering me?

            um... ok!

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  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    Could there be more to this story? Is he working long hours? Does he have a sleep disorder?

    I've awakened my wife...only to fall back asleep before moving on. It happens.

    Please be careful not to harp, nag, or play guilt-trips with sex. When a guy feels like he's letting his woman down, it crushes him...especially if he believes that it makes her feel like she's not sexy...then the pressure mounts...

    I know that seems hard to understand, but we're really pretty simple. Not feeling like we're man enough to please our woman really is top of the list.

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    • CupKates
      10 years ago

      First off TheGhostOfReason: Thank you. For being one of the sole ones that give me a straightforward realistic answer.

      I want to answer you as honestly as possible. Working long hours? He's in school, but only for 3 days a week, without a full time regular job. He does work with his father's company "everyday", but it's not taxing or what could be considered "long hours". School might be a bit stressful every now and then, but it doesn't stop us from relaxing every evening (gaming, watching tv shows, meeting up for a nice evening dinner).

      Sleep disorder? Nope, not that I know of. I'm usually the one to wake up randomly in the middle of the night; I actually have trouble sleeping more than he does.

      I completely appreciate the delicacy of not nagging, harping or playing guilt trips about sex. I know the ruination it can cause. I never even brought it up to him. He actually brought it up to me, and we kind of laughed about it. He apologized, but he knows that I'm getting frustrated with the situation.

      Here's something that I feel may be the cause: gaming. Trust me, as a fellow gamer, I'm not one of those girlfriends that "hates when he spends hours and hours" or whatever the cliche is. He will though, he'll think of gaming before he does having sex, any day. When we were first dating, (he was still a big gamer) he would ignore gaming and focus on me. I mean, we slept together maybe like 3+ times a week, sometimes even multiple times a day. So, I think he's just getting back into his old routine (since moving in with him was exciting/new/different) of playing and putting gaming ahead of other things that I feel he should be a little more aware of.

      We're also a little pressed financially, so I know gaming relaxes him and takes that pressure off.

      Listen... I don't want to pressure him to have sex. But, when you're young and in an adult relationship with an individual who shares your feelings, it's frustrating not to be as sexually active as you would like.

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  • Geminian
    10 years ago

    Have you considered the possibility that he was tired? If he's not doing it on a regular basis then chill, it's all good.

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    • CupKates
      10 years ago

      Yes... I realize in this specific instance... he was probably tired.

      My issue is the lack of sex. We don't have sex. Maybe once a week if we're lucky.

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  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    its hard work , better than her reading a magazine :D

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