Bf doesn’t want terms on the open relationship

15% Normal

me and my bf have had an open relationship for a couple weeks now after having an exclusive relationship for a year and a half. apparently he can’t be exclusive w me bc he doesn’t trust me. i used to go on his phone and i guess he didn’t like that and doesn’t trust me at all. sooo being open with him is what works

so he can fuck other ppl. i asked him one thing, “if you fuck someone else i don’t want you dating them or having a close and personal relationship with them” 1 fucking term. and he got sooo mad at me and called me selfish and dumb for thinking that is a term. and that he doesn’t want any terms with me. he even said he doesn’t want to raise kids with me bc he doesn’t trust me. i’m jusd so confused and i wanna make this relationship work bc we do love each other but i don’t know why he is being so mean. any advice or things i should do? rules i should have instead? am i being selfish? please help

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15% Normal

Based on 34 votes (5 yes)

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Comments ( 31 )

sillygirl77

5 years ago | pl

It sounds like you two don't belong together. Also checking someone's phone isn't right.

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Tettry

5 years ago

Looking on someone's phone because you don't trust them is probably why they don't trust you. Clearly, neither of you are ideal for eachother, and both of you need to straighten up

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hungDaddy

5 years ago

Get out of there sis. I'm putting my trust in you that you were having to look at his phone for a reason because it takes a lot of trust to be in an open relationship. Otherwise, he seems like garbage. Find yourself a man that won't fuck off with someone else.

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[Old Memory]

5 years ago

That part where you say you love each other... sounds like you love him, but it doesn't sound as if he loves you. I think it's time for you to move on.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  5 years ago
  
  why doesn’t it seem
  like he loves me?
  
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  - RoseIsabella
    
    5 years ago
    
    ... because he treats you like crap.
    
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samfoxrawr

5 years ago

Well, if there were more information, I can definitely see that being a verified hypothesis. At the moment it merely stands as verifi>able<.

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RoseIsabella

5 years ago

BINGO!

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[Old Memory]

5 years ago

Sounds like he wants the freedom to keep you as a sidepiece while he shops around.

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Fetiza000

5 years ago

Why are people so fucking obsessed with relationships?

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- RoseIsabella
  
  5 years ago
  
  I dunno, I think a lot of people are afraid of being alone, but honestly I am and have been coming to the conclusion that the happily single life is highly underrated. I think if a person isn't meeting quality partners then that person could very much benefit from time spent alone to work on himself or herself. I had an unhappy relationship with a handsome, charming man who turned out to be a screaming asshole so I just decided I was better off alone with family, friends and well bred feline. It's insane how much better it can be to be alone and work on one's own self!
  
  I think that not only are people afraid of being alone, but they are afraid of feeling lonely. The funny thing is that a person can be in relationship?, and still feel lonely which in my less than humble opinion is worse than being alone and lonely. Also being single and more solitary doesn't necessarily mean that one will feel lonesome.
  
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  - Fetiza000
    
    5 years ago
    
    Haven't seen your ass in forever lol.
    
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    - RoseIsabella
      
      5 years ago
      
      Hey, how you doin'?
      
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      - Fetiza000
        
        5 years ago
        
        Nothing lol I just stopped having interest in this shit website lol.
        
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        RoseIsabella
        
        5 years ago
        
        I feel you. I sometimes feel that way, but it depends on the questions.
        
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- [Old Memory]
  
  5 years ago
  
  We call it sanity, that's why.
  
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samfoxrawr

5 years ago

They clearly weren’t committed as you were when you first started going through your husband’s phone. It’s a totally different issue when you’re still new to relationships — the trust has to be earned, and in the modern day and age, going through someone’s phone is the equivalent of rifling through their diary, journals, legal documents, and personal correspondences without their permission or knowledge.
There’s no way around it. That is a social felony with everyone under 25, even if you’re married. And especially if you’re not.

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curious-bunny

5 years ago

What sillygirl77 Said

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kingofthebigToe

5 years ago

Just break up with him, and find someone who wants a open relationship.

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EnglishLad

5 years ago

He doesn't love you. You might love him but asking your partner for an open relationship is basically asking your partner for a free passport to cheat on them.

One thing is for certain, he hates your guts. He's probably one of these guys who plays women off against eachother and gets them into fights. Dangerous territory.

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anonY123

5 years ago

Just have a closed and committed relationship I would say

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- RoseIsabella
  
  5 years ago
  
  ... with someone else, someone better.
  
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Fair_Lucy

5 years ago

It sounds like he's trying to get more distant from you. If he isn't treating you well, or giving you the time of day, leave. Did you even want the open relationship? Or was it a last-ditch effort to hold on to him? He probably thinks of this as an opportunity to date other people, while still having you to fall back on.

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cinderfloof

5 years ago

Just leave, honey. This is a toxic situation that honestly cant work. You need to find someone who trusts you and learn how to trust.

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RoseIsabella

5 years ago

He's being so mean, because he doesn't really love you, or care about you. He's probably doing everything he can to get you to wise up, and dump his ass so he doesn't have to dump you, because he doesn't want to be the bad guy.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  5 years ago
  
  he broke up with me and then wanted to get back together
  
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  - RoseIsabella
    
    5 years ago
    
    Is he really worth all the trouble, chica? Somehow I get the feeling you will believe anything he tells you.
    
    Answer me this, when ya'll were broken up who was calling more often, and who wanted to spend time together first?
    
    This guy is such a jerk to you. What do you see in his sorry ass? I get the distinct impression that you would rather be in a monogamous relationship than in an open relationship. I also get the distinct impression that you will not be actively trying to pursue a polyamorous lifestyle in that you don't seem to be interested in meeting and dating other guys. The fact that you agreed to be in an open relationship, but want to forbid that walking rectum of a boyfriend you have from "dating" other girls or getting close to them tells me that you don't really understand what an open relationship is. I personally think that you are so desperate to keep that piece of shit as a boyfriend that you are willing to agree to anything.
    
    I personally would never be interested in being in an open relationship with anyone for any reason, cause I'm not into that sharing stuff. However, there are plenty of people on this site who think that's okay. Hopefully one or more of them will respond to your query, and bestow their wisdom upon you. I imagine that in order for such an arrangement to work, hypothetically speaking, that both people need to be in agreement as to the terms of the arrangement. I also would imagine that it would be necessary for for both parties to actually want an open relationship rather than to be in a situation where one person wants to be in an open relationship, and the other person merely accepts the open relationship as a form of settling.
    
    Anyway, seeing as how you seem willing to believe anything that the dirtbag tells you, perhaps I could interest you in the purchase of a bridge or two?
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      5 years ago
      
      a bridge or two? what
      also, what do you mean i don’t know what an open relationship is? it means one night stands are ok. who says he can DATE other ppl too?
      
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      - RoseIsabella
        
        5 years ago
        
        Please go to Google, and just look up what does it mean when someone says, "if you believe that I've got a bridge I can sell you". You really are very naïve.
        
        An open relationship is about dating other people. So then are you okay with him fucking other women? What about going with prostitutes, is that okay? Does he at least use condoms when he is with you? Do you realize he could very easily give you a sexually transmitted disease? Would you be okay with catching a deadly STD?
        
        Do you honestly believe everything this guy tells you? Why do you need to "earn back" this scumbag's trust? You shouldn't have taken his selfish ass back! Yes, it's true that people shouldn't go through the phone's of one another, but this is a bit of a contradiction, because if you have gone through his phone, as you have, and have found reason to not trust him who the fuck is he to be bitching about not being able to trust you? Just find you some elderly couple(s), and ask them if any of this bullshit makes even the least bit of sense? My parents have been married for over 50 years, and they can hardly tell the difference between their phones. My parents practically use each other's phones interchangeably.
        
        I'm sorry, sugar, but this guy is not marriage material. He even told you that he doesn't want to have kids with you. He's not serious about you. He's not worth your time or trouble. He complains about not being able to trust not because you are especially untrustworthy, but because he knows that he can't keep secrets from you, because you will be suspicious and find out his secrets. He is a fundamentally dishonest person. Yes, it's flaky as Hell that you go through his phone, but you have said yourself that you go through his phone, because he makes you suspicious.
        
        There is a saying that goes, "crazy makes you crazy". Do you know what that means? It means that if you go with or hang around with a crazy person that that crazy person will drive you crazy! This piece of shit, junkie, deadbeat, loser who mooches off his mommy and daddy is driving you insane, and just using you for sex, money and the other resources you bring to the relationship. Answer me this, do you ever cook or clean the house? I bet you do, honey! Whatever labor you put forth into the relationship is a skill and a resource that he is too cheap to pay someone else to fo for him, because Lord knows he's too cheap to pay someone else to do it for him, and he's probably too lazy to do it himself.
        
        Don't you see that you give and give, but all he does is take, take, take! Instead of believing all the bullshit he says believe his actions, and what his actions say about him. Remember when he bought you a used designer purse as a gift. Girl, is that what you want in this life? Do you want a bunch of hand me downs?
        
        This guy will never be able to give you what you need, or give any woman what she needs, because he is a pampered piece of shit, spoiled brat of a person! He wants you around because you are C.P., constant pussy. Do you realize that most women can pretty much get sex whenever they want it, and this is true even of older, less attractive, overweight women. Well, for the most part it's not true of men in general.
        
        This whole drama drama of yours kills me, because there's nothing you can do to change him, and make him a decent, respectful, hardworking real man, and yet I know you really want to do so, but he seems to be doing quite well at changing you. He wants you to be a complacent, submissive, stupid, naïve girl so that he can walk all over you.
        
        You might not realize it, but the best thing that happened to you was when his sorry ass broke up with you! Now he's just trying to manipulate you into whatever he wants, and he seems to be succeeding.
        
        Don't be afraid of being alone. You are better off without him!
        
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    - samfoxrawr
      
      5 years ago
      
      That’s a lot of judgements on a guy you know little to nothing about
      
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      - RoseIsabella
        
        5 years ago
        
        Believe me, I know plenty! This has been an ongoing saga.
        
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Bf doesn’t want terms on the open relationship