Being taught the "scare tactic" about sex has screwed me up

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13 Comments

So when a kid turns a certain age their parents are suppose to teach them about sex, right? The usual tactic to teach them is the "scare tactic," and we all know what that is: it's the adults' way of making sure that teens don't have sex at all instead of trying to teach them about safe sex.

This "scare tactic" is used in health classes in middle school and high school too, and instead of being taught "There are STDs out there, so you need to use protection and limit who you have sex with," it's "There are STDs out there, so don't have sex at all."

I'm not saying that abstinence isn't a bad thing, it's just that teaching teens and young adults ONLY that isn't helpful, and the "scare tactic" only gives them an unhealthy view of sex.

Case in point? Me. I'm 21, still a virgin, never had a boyfriend, and while I don't think I'm a failure for not having sex or not having a boyfriend, I'm worried that my view about sex has been so fucked up, that I'll ruin even the POSSIBILITY of having me ever having sex.

My dad is very religious, and doesn't agree with premarital sex or people living together before they're married. My mom taught me the "scare tactic," but isn't as harsh as my dad. She did tell me though, "If you don't want babies, then don't have sex." It's a completely logical statement, but it's also completely fucked me up. I don't want to have kids period, but if I'm dating someone and I like them enough to want to have sex with them, I probably will be too cowardly to go through with it because I'll be completely scared about getting pregnant or having an STD even if both of us use protection. Even if I was married and never had sex before, I'd still wouldn't want to go through with it because I don't want to get pregnant.

And for a long time, I would judge people who've had multiple sex partners and judge people for having sex before marriage. I just had this very negative view toward sex, and even now, I have this negative view toward teens who have sex -- seriously, the thought of teens having sex freaks me the fuck out. I mean, fuck, I don't even feel like I can talk to my mom about birth control or sex because I'm afraid she and my dad will judge me.

I feel like if I wasn't given this "scare tactic" about sex throughout my life, I wouldn't have such a fucked up view about it.

Does any of this make sense?? This has been bothering me for a really long time.

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74% Normal
Based on 27 votes (20 yes)
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Comments ( 13 )
  • wistfulmaiden
    9 years ago

    Birth control.
    It doesn't kill the fetus it prevents pregnancy from taking place.
    I sympathize I am a recovering Catholic. You're an adult now and there's no need to inform your parents of your sex life. Just go to a doctor and they can tell you about safe sex. It seems weird but you're probably better off than kids who had too much sex too early. My mom is still weird about sex but she had to get over it when I " grew up".

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    • RoseIsabella
      9 years ago

      I good point. I think OP ought to find another virgin like herself, and preferably in a loving committed relationship.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      Actually, if I had the choice, I would love to have my tubes tied - that's how serious I am about never wanting kids. I feel like if I was, sex wouldn't terrify me that much, but I'd still be worried about what my parents would think of me :/

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  • Gspyder
    9 years ago

    A lot of girls are nervous about the idea of sex before they have it. You will meet someone eventually who you care for enough and are attracted to enough to be willing to try it, and when you do and don't die of an STD or get pregnant (since you are aware of the risk and the need for some sort of protection) you will feel differently about it.

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  • green_boogers
    9 years ago

    Be action oriented. Step one is to read hot romance novels and get comfortable diddling your clit. Get used to having a wet vagina and having orgasms. It will take lots of practice. Ultimately, becoming a nudist will result in full recovery and body acceptance.

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  • green_boogers
    9 years ago

    Be action oriented. Step one is to read hot romance novels and get comfortable diddling your clit. Get used to having a wet vagina and having orgasms. It will take lots of practice.

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  • golden_showers
    9 years ago

    there are more "scare tactics" with drugs than sex, but I feel ya...

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  • Nokiot9
    9 years ago

    Don't let it get to ya. No doctor will tell u this because they feed into the scare tactic scenario as well, but STDs are nowhere near as common as most people think. Especially when you are so young. The way I figure it the younger ur partner, the less time they have to pick up some disease. It's something to take into account if u ever decide not to use protection. But since ur so up tight about it, I'd make ur poor bf use 2 or 3 condoms.

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  • zlofton
    9 years ago

    Whats your address? Ill come fuck you.

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    • sexysonofsam
      9 years ago

      I concur, her story is lame, have a dick!

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  • RoseIsabella
    9 years ago

    Scary or not sex is how babies are made.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      Of course it is, but the way my mom talked about it, it was as though there was no option to prevent pregnancy and that babies was the only function that sex had. It was like sex for fun or even the idea that sex was a personal thing between two people who love each other wasn't even an option.

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      • RoseIsabella
        9 years ago

        Yeah, my mom freaked me out too, but wasn't trying to scare me. She just said, "the man sticks the dick in the woman's ...".

        If I were you I would try to forget about whatever your mom said and how she said it. Focus on just the bare facts and then try to decide what your personal moral and religious beliefs are regarding sex and reproduction.

        Block out her message entirely. Try not to deliberately go in the complete opposite direction simply for the sake of rebellion nor feel guilty about dismissing her messages. This might sound douchey, but try to detach from whatever she was trying to instill in you with love. I suspect that you need calm so that you can discern what your beliefs are instead of reacting to hers.

        You don't need to tell her any of this. It can and should be a very private thing between you and God.

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