Be happy to revive an insult?
For example one day someone said I my life was worth nothing and my neighbour called me garbage i felt happy but pretend to be mad and sad.
Is not like a pleasure or anything but I noticed that I just fell happy when someone insulted me.
Also sorry if this sounds creepy I really didn't wanted to think like this myself.
Ps: also other reason I am worried is that my self esteem is already really low