Bad relationship or overreacting?

I feel like sometimes I may be a little overreactive to things. I'm female, and we all know the stereotype for females in a relationship is to get worked up over the smallest and most insignificant thing. I've even chided myself before because I know that I've flipped out in past relationships over stupid things. But I feel like this time, I actually have reason. But I'm not sure if I do or not. Main question: Is it normal for me to feel this way about the situation I am about to lay out for you? And if it is, would my concerns for my relationship turning abusive be justified?

Situation: My boyfriend and I have been dating about 4 months now. Things moved fast early on, we went from meeting to chasing each other around to exclusively dating in about a week. At first, he seemed too good to be true. But he kept things from me. We would play flirty games together where we would ask each other questions and answer them. But he always had questions that he wouldn't answer. And they were the most peculiar questions; questions that seemed to be insignificant. Like what he does at work specifically (as in I would ask how his day went and he would *never* give me an answer), or I would ask him about his parents or his sibling and he would never give me any answer about that. I began to worry, as did my friends, but as I grew to knew him he opened up a little and I found out things as he accidentally let them slip in conversation. I have come to the conclusion that he was putting on some sort of mask to seem "mysterious" or whatever he thinks girls are into. I shunned it aside, since it was in the past and I did grow to love what I had found out about him. He stopped feeding me lame stories after a while and everything was fine. But then he started to get ... mean. He would tell me to "shut up" over the phone and literally mean it. He likes to be dominant. He's arrogant (I do not feel biased in saying this, he too admits it). He flirts with other girls behind my back and fails at covering it up. Either he doesn't care about covering it up or he really does a poor job at it. I don't really care about harmless flirting. But the fact that sometimes he flaunts it in my face shows a lack of respect. After 4 months of dating, he still is reluctant to give up information. He doesn't budge. I've confronted him and he throws it in my face. He tries to turn it around on me with the "do you not trust me" attitude. He has the realistic approach with life and even says things to me that are inconsiderate. Like "More than likely there's someone out there that's better for you than me and someone that's better for me than you." or he'll leave questions open ended and unanswered on subjects that he knows I care about. I guess my main worry is him being a control freak, in my opinion anyway. Whenever we get into an argument he states "I'm right and you're wrong, get used to it."

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9% Normal
Based on 207 votes (19 yes)
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Comments ( 11 )
  • luffymaxxie

    Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde!!!! Dumb his ass. It may turn abusive. You're not overreacting. That's just a bad relationship.

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  • awesomeadvice88

    Does he remember much? I know it may seem odd but the reluctance to 'give up' information may be due to the fact that he can't remember? I too like others have said am no psychiatrist but things like this can be due to conditions such as MPD, Bi-polar and many others! Many people with disorders like this can suffer memory loss and amnesia as many will know! Has he ever mentioned anything about his mental health to you that you may have deemed unusual? Does he get chronic headaches or experience blank spaces in his memory very frequently where he remember either side of the space just not remembering the space? I'm uncertain on how to take this unless I could see it first hand but in all fairness with all the other excuses disregarded he sounds like he needs a good slap! He shouldn't be that aggresive or keep secrets if he has no excuse! Hopefully you make the right decision and find out what is happening!:) best of luck, hope I helped!

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  • ellaisrad

    Tell him where to shove it.

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  • liljen1011

    I think you should get at of this relationship It is a unhealthy relationship and it seems like he is hurting your feelings. I'm sure once your out of this relationship you will find some one better for you

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  • sqwert7889

    I dated a man like that down to almost every detail. I'm very curious, is he a Scorpio?

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    • AbnormalI

      hahhaa every1 hates us =[

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  • tormentingambitions

    This is a bad relationship and you are not overreacting - perfectly normal. It seems like things are going downhill from where you are at, so I say you get out of it while you can because yes, it may turn abusive. Looks like your boyfriend has trust and control issues. My ex was the same and you don't want to know how that ended up. Good luck and be careful.

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  • Team_Cullen

    OF course, you're not overreacting. It's just him. All the same thing that happens to the adult world. 'nweiz.. I think you should end the relationship while there's still time. He doesn't even deserve you. Tsk. Well.. All I can say is Mind over Matter. :)

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  • Antiminty

    You are not over reacting. I think you already know the answer to your question, you just want someone to confirm it for you. This is a bad relationship and it's only going to get worse. If he can't tell you what kind of day he's had at work you've no chance of getting anything worth while out of him. You deserve better and you know it! Good luck

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  • duckfart77

    Perhaps he is bi-polar? Sounds like it to me, but then again, I'm no psychiatrist. Of course this relationship is not normal, maybe there are more underlying problems in his life that he is afraid to tell anyone especially you? I really don't know what else to tell you other than no this is NOT normal, YES you are justified in your feelings.

    I've dealt with my wife for the past 4 years and she is Bi-Polar, Somatization Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, Anxiety Disorder, Panic Attack Disorder, Oppositional Defiant Disorder and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. So if ALL you have to put up with is bi-polar then you should have it easier than me, lol. Good luck and let us know how things turn out :)

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  • Spook

    Note: I didn't get to add due to character limit, that while he is being "mean" to me, he still maintains an "I love you" attitude. When he's not acting this way, he's talking to me, having fun with me, watching movies, etc. It's strange. But it's like his personality changes at the drop of a hat.

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