Bad marriage/is there any other solution besides divorce?

Redsheep, it does not state and correct me if I'm wrong that the 2year old is not the husbands. Your advice was ridiculous! U deserve better and u blow up because u r frustrated at his lack of trying. Staying out till early morning with his mates getting drunk is not on! He is selfish and instead of being out drunk he should b at home trying to get a job! The money he is wasting on alcohol could b used for the houshold bills, the baby and the twins! Marriage cousiling could b good and if that doesn't work, if it was me, I'd leave him. If he still doesn't get it together even after that, I'd file for divorce! There's plenty of other men out there that will treat u like u deserve! Goodluck!

You're in mud... in very deep mud. But given the situation you've just described, this is not your fault, but your husband's for making less effort. I'm a male myself and I would never do something like that to my wife.

It takes two to tango and the first thing that needs to happen is that your husband needs to acknowledge that there is a problem and that he needs to do something about it. He cannot be out drinking all the time, he needs to be at home solving his problems. The children will need him.

Marriage counselling is certainly one. Another way I would recommend is to get to his parents and ask if they could talk to him and get him to his senses.

There is also something else you can try. I'm a male myself and I'm trying to put myself in his shoes. There is a possibility that you have hurt his ego by nagging him and he doesn't like it. Give him the silent treatment for a week or two and let's see how he responds. If he stays at home more and starts opening up to you and talking, we have good news, but if he continues staying out, we could be in deeper trouble here.

I have also thought of another thing you can try although this is very extreme. The idea is to give him a sneak preview of what divorce is going to be like. Go home to your parents and take the kids with you. In the meantime, tell your husband that you will only come home once he gets his act together. We can then see how he responds. If he loves you and/or your children at all, he will come begging for you to come home or at least call you and start talking. Only use as last resort!!

Anyway, enough of my blabbering, I hope things go well.

NEVER stay married just because you think you're supposed to! It makes life he'll for everybody, ESPECIALLY any children involved - young or not, kids aren't as oblivious as they seem and if you love your son at all you must see the logic in him requiring a healthy environment where everybody isn't putting on a show. I have no idea why you people think you're not doing Life right unless everybody's miserable.

Oh and reddsheep, she has a job, looks after her 2 year old, cooks and cleans so y should she 'do his resume' for him? His a grown man! He needs to grow up and take responsibility for himself!

The more you can do is get marriage counseling ASAP to come to terms with this and to make a plan for you and for when your children become part of the picture.

If you want to save the marriage and you still love him, I would suggest going to marriage counseling. If he won't go, go by yourself. He sounds clinically depressed and probably needs medication for it. He also sounds like he needs to do some growing up.

I am a lot like you in the fact that I get super angry when people don't do what's expected of them, "the correct way." And I tend to nag. But I tell myself...

Anger profits you nothing.
You can't make someone do the right thing, they have to choose it.
Your way is not the ONLY way.

If you can't work it out through therapy, I would suggest divorce. Some people might tell you to stay in the marriage for the children, but really, children don't need such a hostile environment while growing up.

I think the most important thing would be to get him seen by a psychiatrist for depression meds. If he had more motivation and helped out equally with the household and didn't need to get drunk and party to feel better, you might also feel better.

In any case, try to keep your anger in check. It won't change anything, it isn't healthy (especially not to keep it inside), and it will eventually (if it hasn't yet) make you resent your husband... Let go. :) Try to find constructive ways to deal with problems that arise... and talk to the people who cause them with calm. Problems are part of life and no one is perfect. Don't treat 'em like trash.

And please don't say you'd wish your husband would disappear. That's the sort of thing you regret saying entirely if it ever happens.

We only get to hear your side. How do we know all of what you are saying is true? Somehow I think there is more to this story than you are willing to reveal. There is, isn't there? There is a bad guy in this depressing hell hole you're living in. Why do I suspect that it is you? Hmm . . .?

I agree you should seek marriage counseling, but if he refuses to go, don't go yourself: Divorce him. I went myself, and stayed married. Hindsight is 20/20

I don't think you're a nag, but he sounds like a jerk, and i doubt he'll go to counseling because he doesn't think he's doing anything wrong. And I don't think you're a nag for wanting him to be more responsible. Having 2 new babies is going to make it a lot harder. You. Need to send him a strong message that you're unhappy and he's got to change without anger. It'd probably be best before the babies are born. Good luck.

Its not your fault.Theres a ton of stupid people out there .My wife is one of them.Doesnt appreciate a fucking thing I do for the bitch.I hope before I die I meet a nice girl .I cant not believe I've been married to this psycho or been in a relationship with this fucking mistake this whole time .I dropped the ball on myself.I believe things will eventually get a lot better after a divorce.I'm a great person .I don't feel the need to lie to anyone especially to their face.I might have everything surrounding me that I should right now even an angel of a son but its meaningless with the wrong person.My son is my world, not this crazy bitch.

get him to spank you!

Er, hell. Damned apple "corrections".

you've gotten some good advice. Going to a marriage counselour is probably your best bet. Even getting involved with the local church can be very helpful.

Look I'm 22 and your story is identical to my parents. They stayed together for almost 30 years and they divorced a year ago. Their marriage was misserable for everyone in my family. When I was young my dad would go out for a few hours after work, then it progressed to almost everynight till 10 or 11. My mom stuck with him the whole time, and she finally divorced him when he had an affair.

You found a man who would marry a woman with a kid that wasn't his, you probably won't find another and now you have 3 kids. Maybe you should help him and stop expecting him to be perfect. You are not. He doesn't have to be either. Maybe you could sit down with him and call old bosses look at old taxes and help or do his resume for him. I have worked for myself and I have had normal jobs, its a lot nicer to have control of your own time when there is enough work for it. It really sucks to do the same work and take home 10%% of what you'd have gotten if you didn't have a boss lining your jobs up for you. Don't expect prince charming and a damn castle, you're no fairy princess...

You sound like a huge nag, I truly think you are the main problem in that relationship, you sound like the type that thinks she's always right