Back rub problems

38% Normal
13 Comments

I'm in college and I've been dating the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with. We've hit a little rut in our relationship, and our issue is giving back rubs.

Last semester, I started staying over with him, and spending the night. We would give each other back rubs regularly and we loved it, no problem. This semester his roommate moved out and now I'm living over with him, and he refuses to give me back rubs, claiming that "he sucks at giving them." Even if he says "yes, later" or "maybe," it all ends up being a "no," or he'll do it half-heartedly for a very short period. Yet, whenever he asks me I almost always do because I really enjoy it, and I'm really inclined to say that he really doesn't get the picture. We talked about this once a long time ago, and he said he would change that, but I have seen nothing.

This is really frustrating and I'm starting now to do what he does to me in hopes of that maybe he'll get the picture because I feel right now that talking to him will get us nowhere.

Any ideas?

Voting Results
38% Normal
Based on 47 votes (18 yes)
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Comments ( 13 )
  • Bartholomew
    13 years ago

    Ooooh yay, I can be the first male to give my five cents on this. Yes supporting my sex! Well not in this case:
    I would like to believe that his failure to give your backrubs is just due to ignorance. You said you spoke to him about it once, a while ago, so let him know again that it matters to you. Communicate with him instead of just stopping the back rubs in the hopes that he will get the message. I know I personally have a tendency to forget things or issues all the time unless I'm reminded but I'm not your boyfriend (that would be weird on many levels...). You say he's the guy you want to spend the rest of your life with - don't let him off the hook but make sure he knows he's on the hook to begin with. He might not even think its a big deal.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      13 years ago

      I could see that being a problem too...

      And I think that communication is always the best way to go.

      Thanks for the support! :D

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      • Bartholomew
        13 years ago

        You are so on top of it with the replies and I'm therefore convinced you may be one of the best OPs ever. Let us know how it goes!

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  • 69sniper
    8 years ago

    my bf simply says its not part of the contract

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  • xXScYtHeXx
    11 years ago

    I'm always willing to give back rubs to my girlfriend, its great ;-; even if she doesn't ask I give one, lol.

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  • [Old Memory]
    13 years ago

    I think he is just to lazy
    I say the same thing it is tiering u know

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  • Binkamadink
    13 years ago

    My ex-boyfriend was like yours. He used to massage me all the time and I would gently scratch him arms and head (which he loooved). But after like 5 months of our 8 month relationship he slowed down a lot and eventually stopped. I would ask him to massage me and he'd say "But I don't want to massage you" :( The sex eventually stopped too and I had to bail. I don't want to be with a selfish guy who just always asks me to do stuff for him but then doesn't want to give me the same back.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      13 years ago

      Yeah, I can say that his favorite thing is when I scratch his head and arms too! (Haha)

      I did talk to him about that after I made this story thing, and he did say that's just because we've both been a lot more busy this semester (which we have), and because we see each other so much more now, he doesn't really feel like he has to.

      I think that maybe it's one of those things where you just kind of take a relationship for granted because you see the other person all the time. This is the first time I've been with someone like this, so I could see that...

      The comments are helping me though, and I'm starting to see this a little better now.

      Thank you!

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  • wreckd
    13 years ago

    My husband would make me rub his back, feet, shoulders all throughout my pregnancy with our son. I got one back every once in a while. Maybe he's gotten so comfortable with you, he doesn't feel like he needs to please you.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      13 years ago

      Yeah, that's something he told me (I talked to him a little bit after making this story), but that's just something I don't totally understand. Oh well I guess... :P

      Thanks for the comment!

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  • Ms.Caffinated
    13 years ago

    I used to give my ex backrubs everynight :'C lol He only gave me it 2 or 3 times though. you see, men are receivers. They believe that if they don't want to do something, people shouldn't push it on them, but if they want something it's 'cruel' of us not to do so as the women. Like it's our jobs or something lol. When he asks you, reply in the same manner as he has done to you, 'I don't feel like it' 'maybe later. My back is too stiff right now to do anything' lmao. Or maybe he is getting smothered, living in the same dorm and all. I can't really say because i don't really know you :/ sorry. Ps. my ex stopped because he was getting all hot and bothered from massaging me -and my virgin ass- wouldn't give him any lmao Make sure he is getting rewarded for his kindness if you get my drift :D

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    • Bartholomew
      13 years ago

      I don't know if I can completely agree with this; it's rather stereotypical or too archetypical to say that all men are receivers. Lots? Maybe but I don't think those who are, are stuck there. But I do see your point. Not many people try to look at themselves from different angles. Which is why I love this site, because we, for the most part, do!

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      13 years ago

      Hmm, although I think it's a little stereotypical for my tastes, I've thought about giving him replies like you suggested, but I'm afraid that it might create a rift or something. I don't want to intentionally hurt him. :/

      Thank you for the comment!

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