Back in 1993, a dog stole my bagel. iin?

45% Normal

I was damn hungry. DAMN hungry. All I could find was a bagel, there wasn't shit else to eat. It wasn't even a whole bagel, it was half of one. So I toast the fucking thing, put some cream cheese onto it, and proceed to walk outside to go do my chores.

I hadn't even taken a bite of the bagel yet. I was carrying it low, in my hand, just walking along. This fucking dog comes running out of nowhere, snatches the bagel out of my hand and keeps running. It didn't even stop!! It was like one movement, like a 'bagel stealing' Olympic event, and she won the gold medal by a landslide!!

This was 1993 and I'm still pissed over my bagel getting stolen by this fucking dog. My only comfort in all this is that by now, the dog is surely dead of old age (or maybe someone else killed it because it stole their bagel too).

I'M SO PISSED!!!! And don't tell me to calm down either because it's been like 20 years and calming down is not going to happen.

IIN?

Voting Results

45% Normal

Based on 66 votes (30 yes)

Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!

[ Report Post ]

Comments ( 31 )

Imposturously_yours

11 years ago

Certain things we should not forget.

I was having a day off.. and it just started.

It's 6am. I am rudely awakened by the garbage cans racket outside. I try to ignore. It gets too loud... I give up. Do you know how cold it gets in the fucking Scottish Highlands in the middle of January? I open my front door and I see it.

A fucking Shetland Pony turns his damn horse head and looks me in the eye, as he slowly walks away from the butchered garbage bin, with scattered shit all over my porch. The ponce has more swag than Keith-fucking-Richards, and he knows that I'm about to spend half of my morning just cleaning this mess. HE KNOWS.

I'll never forget.

The year was 2002 and I hope that goddamn midget horse had indigestion from something he ate from my garbage.

Comment Hidden ( show )

5

5
dappled

11 years ago

Some dogs live past twenty years. He or she could still be around and still pursuing a career in the thieving of doughy comestibles. Live and learn. Hold your bagel high. And watch out for eagles.

Comment Hidden ( show )

4

4
- Anonymous Post Author
  
  11 years ago
  
  Oh, no, dappled. You will NOT fill my head with any thoughts that this mutt is still alive. I refuse to believe it.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  3
  
  3
  - dappled
    
    11 years ago
    
    There could be a pensioner dog out there (aged 140 in human years) with one final fling in it against bagels of yours. Be vigilant!
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    0
    
    0
    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      11 years ago
      
      Oh stop!! My only comfort is in the high probability that this dog is dead!! Keep it up and I just my go into psychosis.
      
      Comment Hidden ( show )
      
      0
      
      0
      - dappled
        
        11 years ago
        
        Aww, given that dogs often become more interested in food towards the end of their lifetimes and that, as a baseline, we'd generally assume the dog was halfway through life, I think it's safe to say that the doggie is only stealing bagels off ghosts these days.
        
        Comment Hidden ( show )
        
        2
        
        2
Shnaz

10 years ago

The dog IS dead but the other good news is that I found your bagel and have been holding on to it till I found its owner. Want it back?

Comment Hidden ( show )

2

2
Terence_the_viking

11 years ago

I'm sorry for your loss but you can't deny that if someone else wrote this you would be rolling on the floor as i am right now

Comment Hidden ( show )

2

2
dinz

11 years ago

In 1993 I spent most of lunch time trying to assemble a jig saw puzzle when my teacher kicked it into pieces.

I will never forget that day. I wasn't upset but I never seen my teacher that angry.

Umm hang on.. I remember why now.. I glued them to the floor LOL.

Comment Hidden ( show )

2

2
anti-hero

11 years ago

It was 19 years ago and it was a bagel, it's time to let it go so the healing can begin haha

Comment Hidden ( show )

2

2
- Anonymous Post Author
  
  11 years ago
  
  I'm trying but I can still feel her wet cold snout brushing past my hand and the sudden loss of my delicious food. What pisses me off most is, the bitch probably didn't even taste it when she gobbled it down at a full gallop. Fucking dog, I didn't even see her coming and she didn't slow down a bit, just snatched the bagel and kept truckin.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
  - anti-hero
    
    11 years ago
    
    hehe
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    0
    
    0
Haleys

11 years ago

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA
OMG I can't stop laughting this is too good
you should be a character in a sitcom or smthing you are a wasting talent

Comment Hidden ( show )

1

1
the_misty_haze

11 years ago

My kitty ate my veggieburger once. I didn't even know kitty cats like veggie burgers. It saddened me.

Comment Hidden ( show )

1

1
[email protected]

11 years ago

So,NOW you wanna report that shit to the POLICE?

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
sky915

11 years ago

LMAOO,

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
kelili

11 years ago

I'm still mad I gave my friend my bottle of coke I couldn't finish when I was 9! 16years and I still regret

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
TerryVie

11 years ago

Well, learn.

If you are hungry and you got a bagel, you EAT it. You don't stroll around and carry it low, going places.

You are hungry, you got it, you eat it.
Thats how it works. The dog teached you a valuable life lesson. You may be pissed over the loss of your bagel, sure, as long as you are thankful for what it has thought you.

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
Imsupernormal

11 years ago

That was 19 years ago. GET OVER IT!!!!!!

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
sega31098

11 years ago

In the year 2000, I paid for a chocolate chip cookie in my kindergarten class. They never gave it to me because they were out and they never gave me a refund.

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
- Anonymous Post Author
  
  11 years ago
  
  A strongly worded letter may be in order here.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  2
  
  2
Aliifreak

11 years ago

Why don't you just take it humoristically? xD It's a pretty funny story.

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
VioletTrees

11 years ago

Uh, maybe see a doctor?

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
- Anonymous Post Author
  
  11 years ago
  
  Yeah and get committed? No thanks. I have plans that involve me being free and owning firearms.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  1
  
  1
emilydoll

11 years ago

:D

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
dom180

11 years ago

Calm down ;)

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
- Anonymous Post Author
  
  11 years ago
  
  CALM DOWN?? That's preposterous.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  1
  
  1
SEWnanist23

11 years ago

You must be a fat dude by now for that to be so tragic. I've lost more than food in my life and I'm still hanging. Two TV and a cat and I loved both immensely. I am neither a TV or cat horder. I don't even have a cat! C'mon dude the poop the dog left from eating your bagel either got washed away by many rainstorms or is petrified by now.

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
- Anonymous Post Author
  
  11 years ago
  
  I prefer the term Rubenesque.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
- Anonymous Post Author
  
  11 years ago
  
  Did the TV fall on the cat? That would be a cool story. Otherwise, pretty lame. TV's and cats die all the time, usually separately.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
yesnomaybeso

11 years ago

Hey I was born in 1993 :D

Okay, once I was making a sandwich. It was on the table, and I went to the freezer one sec and when i looked back again it wasn't there. My two dogs were around there and looking me with sad eyes asking for food. I got so pissed too. But I've forgotten about it... But yeah if i was you i'd be so pissed but... it's just a bagel, it could have been worse. Imagine if it was your $500+ wedding cake!

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0

Are You Normal?

Back in 1993, a dog stole my bagel. iin?