Avoided danger by fake sleeping

27 Comments

im 18 now, but when i was younger (about 15 ish) I was in my hometown for the summer. this boy and i had remained in contact since i had left. back then i was very rebellious and free spirited i guess. i lied, did drugs, would do anything for a few dollars as i wasnt at home lots due to the bad home environment. but something i never did do was have sex. it not like i hadnt tried though, stuff just got fucked up with either the guy or myself so it just never happened i guess.

anyway i was staying at my grandparents house in my hometown who were very smothering. they wouldnt let me do anything without them knowing, insisted on driving me everywhere, they even had alarms set on their house past a certain hour so i couldnt get up to no good. even as much as i hated it, i always respected their rules as they were nothing but kind to me.
up until one night. I devised this whole elaborate plan to make it to a small party at the guys house i mentioned above. when they drove me to the house, i said it was an old friend of mines house who they met the summer before. and they allowed me to go.

now before i went to the party me and they said guy were texting, and almost sexting the entire week prior to me being there. we were both virgins and we made plans to have sex after the party. (which was at his house). when i agreed to show up i was promised there would be other girls there, but when i showed up the guy said none of them were available to come. this immediately created red flags, but i decided to ignore them. when more and more guys came (8 in total i think) we started doing lots of drugs. the whole night the guys were obviously one on one flirting with me , i didnt mind at first, as i knew it was probably the drugs, but then it escalated. they made me talk about very sexual things with them. they even started touching me in ways like resting their hand high on my thigh and grabbing my ass. at this point i was scared, but i had nowhere to go. so i decided to lay down on the couch and close my eyes to make everyone think i was asleep. during this time they all were talking to the guy whose party it was saying really sexual things that im kind of embarassed about (i dont know why).
after they all left i "woke up" and made it super clear i wasnt doing anything, but i wasnt being rude, i just shut down all of his initiations. then i went to the bathroom and stayed in there for an hour or so contemplating what to do. i decided to come back out and he wss there laying on his bed being a little bitch and very passive agressive (because i didnt have sex with him) so i layed down on the cot on his floor and tried to go to sleep. every second i was there felt sort of suffocating and i was still on edge about what happened. i layed there for hours until about 7am. before he was awake, i got my bag and my phone, and i took the cash in his wallet to get home. i left his house and i cried. i cried because i really liked him and i thought he was a different person and i also cried because of everything that happened.

to this day i sometimes think about that night and think about how horrific it was. i genuinely thought i was going to get raped. it was probably the most scared i have ever been in my life.

did i do the right thing? or what would you have done?

i would have done the same 5
i would have done different (comment) 3
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 27 )
  • Anoverthinker
    4 years ago

    I would be scared too. Maybe I would just get out from there at that night but because of your decision to have sex with that guy you stayed? If you're uncomfortable with a lot of guys you don't know but only one that you trust he should probably understand you.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
  • Nikclaire
    4 years ago

    I'm with weird guy on this one. He probably invited girls but they had a better offer. Guys get horny on drugs and talk a bunch of bullcrap. That doesn't mean they would rape you and let's be honest, if they had wanted to pass you around they could have.

    The fact that you didn't say NO or STOP when you felt uncomfy is on you. Then you steal from the guy instead of asking for a ride home is shady as fuck.

    If it were me in that situation I'd have told them to knock it the fuck off. If they didn't stop I'd have grabbed one of the guys nuts and let them know in no uncertain terms what's up.

    I understand being scared in that situation but you are playing a victim when you put yourself in that situation and nothing actually even happened.

    Plus you lead the guy on all week with sexting and then became a prude. If you don't want to fuck, don't act like you want to.

    Honestly I probably would have fucked all of them and had a good time. Instead you are now fast tracking yourself into therapy as a fake rape victim.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
      -
    • Anonymous Post Author
      4 years ago

      I feel like an attention whore or a prude for saying this but I kinda was the victim?? Like I was literally surrounded by guys the entire night groping me... And I never said they could. At the beginning of the night I would have been totally okay with me & the guy getting down and having fun, but it turned into too much. You can't even say "guys get horny on drugs" like it's an excuse or something.. nah if it was fun for me I would have initiated more but a: those guys were being gross and harassing me all night. B: I went with the intention of getting with only him. After he did nothing when he noticed his friends, I was angry at him for not defending me because he "liked me so much".
      I will say it again,,, before the party I had every intention to lose my virginity to him,, but things escalated to almost the highest point and I was angry for him not stopping it as I was clearly uncomfortable. I remember that night I was in the farthest corner of the room curling myself up as small as possible to try to escape those guys. But they still put their faces close to mine talking breathy against my face and ear, and guided my hand to their crotches while their dick was hard. Maybe it is my fault for not making a scene and telling them to stop,, when they were trying things I can't tell you how badly I wanted to get out of that basement as soon a possible.. It was almost like I couldnt tell them to stop because I was too scared.

      I respect your opinion, and everything, but if you look at the situation through my eyes, a 15 year old virgin, who lied about where she was to her caregivers, surrounded by a group of guys high out of their mind who were groping you all fucking night long, can you honestly say you would have fucked all of them??

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
        -
      • Nikclaire
        4 years ago

        I understand being scared and it sounds like you had a horrible experience. I guess for me not saying no or even voicing displeasure means a lot.

        If someone touches me or even verbally says something I don't like they are going to know it, with fury.

        I realize some women freeze up and it sounds like that may have happen to you and I am sorry. I don't think however, you can say they did much wrong as you never let your boundaries be known.

        In a perfect world body langauge should suffice, but you weren't raped and you weren't abused. You were with a bunch of doped up guys and it got a little out of control. On shrooms, no less I am gleaning.

        You are very lucky they had self control.

        Yeah I can honestly say I probably would have fucked, unless I felt I didnt want to, at which point everyone would know and if they continued there would be hell to pay.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
  • GaelicPotato
    4 years ago

    I'm a guy and I'm sorry you went through that. Do you still speak to the guy?

    Either way stealing was bad, I don't approve of that. Regarding his behaviour though, he seemed to care more about fucking you, than to make sure you're okay.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
      -
    • Anonymous Post Author
      4 years ago

      I agree, me stealing the money wasn't the best thing but looking back I honestly don't think I would have done different if I was in the same situation as I was in my youth... Sorry

      Also yes we do still talk sometimes but it's kind of always the same stuff. He asks for nudes and when I sometimes say no, he respects that but then ghosts me for a couple weeks until he tries again. It doesn't bother me much, as i don't think our relationship is that serious, but it seems we only talk on his terms. I should also add that we have never talked about that night, after everything happened I sort of just left back to my city and that was it.

      From our conversations now I think he has matured a lot. which makes me happy, as we were about 15 when everything happened. But I don't think I would ever go further to have a better relationship. We were great friends from age 8-15, now we just talk sometimes, and that's how I want it to stay for now I guess...

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
        -
      • GaelicPotato
        4 years ago

        Truth be told, asking for nudes and then ghosting when they get rejected doesn't sound like someone who matured.

        I'm glad you feel better about it though.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
          -
        • Anonymous Post Author
          4 years ago

          I meant matured in his way of life... I think he's sober now and he's pretty intellectual from our conversations. And since posting this he has told me he still struggles with some issues and has a tendency to sort of disappear from everyone online in ways to cope with some inner struggles. So maybe I misread the signs

          Comment Hidden ( show )
          0
          0
  • WeirdGuyFr0mTheSouth
    4 years ago

    Just because they're hitting on you doesn't mean you're in danger. You could have always said no and told them to stop. Seeing how you stole his money at the end just shows what kind of person you are. I dont feel sorry for you on this one. I dont think there was much real danger of you being raped. It was social anxiety and you shouldnt have stole his money. He was nice to you. Super shallow.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    -2
    -2
      -
    • Anonymous Post Author
      4 years ago

      ok i respect your opinion but theres a difference between hitting on a girl and making innappropriate advances like touching my ass and forcefully putting sex into conversations with me. I didnt even know these guys by the way.
      as for me just telling them to stop it wouldnt have been that easy. no, i didnt explicitly tell them to stop, but i was obviously very uncomfortable and they should have known to stop from they way i was responding. also once you tell most guys to stop being innapproriate towards to you you suddenly go from a piece of ass to a bitch.
      i think its impossible for guys to fully grasp the danger i could have been in. being the only girl in a room of 8 guys, drugs, all being inapropriate, it was scary.
      I too agree he was very nice to me, as i said i genuinely liked him. but after that night i lost all of my respect and was angry and sad.

      with the money thing, it was $40. for my cab ride home and for my cut of the shrooms i was promised

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      2
      2
        -
      • Clunk42
        4 years ago

        Here's a question: did he do any of that, or was it just his friends?

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
          -
        • Anonymous Post Author
          4 years ago

          He had a role In everything that went down.

          Comment Hidden ( show )
          0
          0
            -
          • Clunk42
            4 years ago

            I will say, though, if you I were in a similar situation, one of the things I'd least want to do is put myself in a vulnerable position by falling asleep, or even just a position that looks vulnerable to them.

            Comment Hidden ( show )
            0
            0
              -
            • Anonymous Post Author
              4 years ago

              I thought about what to do and honestly I didn't want to cause a whole scene if I freaked out, I was afraid they would kick me out or something when I had nowhere to go. All I wanted to do was hide but I couldn't so I pretended I was asleep on the couch. I was in a vulnerable state the whole time... If somebody tried to actually do something I would have lost my shit but falling asleep was my way of escaping and telling them to fuck off

              Comment Hidden ( show )
              0
              0
      • WeirdGuyFr0mTheSouth
        4 years ago

        You should have pulled him aside and told him you're uncomfortable with all the guys there hitting on you. Told him to make them leave. The last thing you should have done is robbed him. I cant tell you how much I dont feel sorry for you with this one. You put yourself in this situation 100% and there was multiple ways out of it. You just decided to be a little shady bitch and steal from the guy that was nice to you.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        -1
        -1
          -
        • Anonymous Post Author
          4 years ago

          I didn't knowingly put myself in that situation. I was promised there would be other girls there, and that it would be just a fun low-key time. And that wasn't the case. Instead I was bombarded with sexual remarks and touching from a room full of guys. Even when I was "asleep" I heard the guys joking about sex and passing me around.
          You can't say I wasn't the victim of the situation because I was tricked into going and it was clear what their intentions were with me.
          I told the story as best as I could and I even called myself out on some things, so I think it's a little unfair you're blaming me for those guys actions. I literally had no way out of that situation. The world was asleep, I had no money, and I was fucked up. They were literally conspiring to rape me, I only consented to the guy. And The guy obviously took my consent with him and opened it up to all of his buddies.

          Even in instances with actual rape you don't blame the victim!! No matter the circumstances if the victim doesn't consent it's rape. No questions asked.

          It's fucked up that after I explained the whole story you guys are deciding to turn me into the bad guy because I admitted to taking $40, half of which was rightfully mine.

          Comment Hidden ( show )
          1
          1
            -
          • WeirdGuyFr0mTheSouth
            4 years ago

            What i cant wrap my head around is when the crowd left and it was just you, and the guy who was nice to you, why did you rob him then?

            Comment Hidden ( show )
            0
            0
              -
            • Anonymous Post Author
              4 years ago

              1: he tricked me into going
              2: he stood by while his friends were blatantly harassing me
              3: he turned into an asshole after I refused sex
              4: he joined in with his friends talking about me while he thought I couldn't hear...
              How the hell does that mean nice??
              He was only "nice" to get something from me. I said above how he turned cold when I refused to give him what he wanted... I'm not saying he deserved to get the money stolen, but... He did. Even if it was for my own benefit.

              Comment Hidden ( show )
              0
              0