At a loss

13% Normal
11 Comments

Here is my story.
I have been with my common-law wife for almost 17 years now and we have 3 children, 16, 14 and a 9 year old daughter. My wife has always had these moments of ups and downs and usually blames me for absolutely everything that's wrong in the world and her life. Back in 2008, she went through a very enjoyable "Up period" and our life (sexual and personal) was nothing short of wonderful! Around August or September of the same year, something in her changed and everything went extremely bad in a hurry. Since that time, she has told me once that she hates me, she has one excuse after the other for not wanting to spend time with me, she WILL NOT tell me what the problem is and if she does say something, it's always something different. This behaviour has gotten to the point where I am verbally and/or emotionally abused on a daily basis and our daughter has even asked her mom why is she always mad at dad. Over these past few weeks in particular, it has gotten so bad, I finally told my wife and the kids that I was going to leave. My wife's response was "Good, I can't wait, I'm tickled pink about that although I don't understand why you felt it was necessary to ruin the kids like you just did" I have mentioned to her in the past when she has gone over the edge so to speak that she may need to see a Doctor or counsellor because I felt that maybe she had an issue. She refuses to own up to ANYTHING and as mentioned has told me repeatedly that everything is my fault and I can't pin her with anything. She over rides medical people when there is any kind of issue at home (her, the kids or me) and has gone so far as saying I am a drama queen and all I am is Bipolar and an attention seeker etc. We have some friends that have approached me and asked what was wrong with her on a couple of occasions as they were witness to a time when we were all together and having fun and all of a sudden I was bombarded with these kinds of verbal attacks. My self esteem is crushed, I no longer feel confident with myself, I am 5' 11" tall and weigh in at 230 lbs. I know I'm heavy, but even our Doctor has told me that I carry it well as I am kind of a big man anyway.
My wife has ignored this and is always telling me I'm obeses, fat, stupid and other names. I feel I'm at my wits end and should get out before this gets real ugly. Any thoughts would be so greatly appreciated.

Thank you.

Voting Results
13% Normal
Based on 39 votes (5 yes)
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Comments ( 11 )
  • FakinRetards
    13 years ago

    I AM NOT GOING TO READ THAT! but because it's that long, i think you have a confidence problem :P

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  • ruination
    12 years ago

    hit her in the head.that may solve your problem.

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  • meohme7
    12 years ago

    first of all you need to make sure your kids will be ok with anything you decide to to. I understand her behaviour is untolerable and you have to find a solution even leave her but you should never forget neither you nor her that even if you cant be a couple anymore you will always be parents. And her behaviour is also obviously affecting your children too. Have a conversation with her about that and if that doesnt work out well ask a counselor or something... good luck i hope things will get better soon

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  • pansyfugufish
    12 years ago

    if you love your kids you will attend their needs first... Additionally, when one partner guilts the other, it is often because the one blaming the other has something inside themself they hate or blame. That is not to say you should go and call your wife out... you should ask whats wrong, but if she perpetually blows you off, know this: my mom was a single mom doing 12 hour shifts raising 4 kids and she never dated again. I asked her why, she told me she was afraid for us kids. Do what's best for your kids. If they get exposed to too much parental drama, they might end up on doing drugs or selling them.

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  • chp316
    12 years ago

    DON'T DO WHAT RUINATION 80298 SAID!!!!!!!!!

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  • shade_ilmaendu
    12 years ago

    Hmm... Could be either bipolar or borderline, but you'd need to get the help of a medical professional to be sure. :/ I'm sorry you have to go through this, and I wish there was more to do, but she has to realize she has a problem before any help can be attained..

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  • petawawacouple69
    12 years ago

    I wouldn't bother with couples counciling because she seems like shed believe she's done nothing wrong. My immediate thought is that she's not in love with you and resents you for some reason. She's too scared to leave, she knows her life would be a lot worse finacially and she doesn't want to put stress on the kids with a break up. I could be wrong but that's what it sounds like. If I'm right with this, there's a very good chance she has or is having an affair.

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  • howaminotmyself
    13 years ago

    This made me sad. I'm sorry you have had to endure this. Have you tried couples counseling? Keep strong brother.

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  • pamsue824
    13 years ago

    I think she needs help emotionally. She is miserable and wants to make others around her miserable too. If she doesn't get help it may get worse. I think if you did pack up and move out it would help her see the light and seek help. She has a deep problem that can be brought out with counseling. I would give her a choice either get help or get out. You have to be as cold as she is to you to accomplish this. Good luck to you sir. And if it helps you don't deserve to live like this. No one does.

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  • [Old Memory]
    13 years ago

    She needs help, man. To hate someone for so long, yet be with them too? That doesn't sound good. Take her to counseling if you have to.

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  • MrSutton
    13 years ago

    My mother was once like this but it wasn't her fault... completely. We had just had to move house because my mothers house was vandalised whilst she and I were next door, she went back to our house to find people smashing her (and mine) stuff, she tried to fight them but took several VERY hard blows to the head with a table leg. Anyways, after we moved my mother became very aggressive, never hitting me or my siblings (we were around 6, 9, and 15 years old) but she would verbally (and psychologically) bully us. But it turned out years later (after not being allowed by social services to see her) that it was because the blows to her head made her hear voices inside her head, and she was scared, and the voices were racist, homophobist, sexist, and they always said that they wanted to kill us all, my mother hardly slept 'cos of them. But now everything is better, but the point I'm making is that maybe your wife is going through something but is too afraid to tell you (or anybody else) what's wrong.

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