Asking about you then your partner immediately afterwards:iin?

62% Normal
6 Comments

One thing that I find perfectly normal - although somewhat disheartening - is that as soon as people ask how I am and I give a quick response, they immediately ask about how my partner's doing.

Fine, I'm female and have a boyfriend; and the friends who ask usually do too, which I suppose is fair enough.

But what I find disheartening is that it sometimes feels to me like they're more interested in hearing about how life is with him (or me WITH HIM) than me individually.

This is especially true of people from my partner's church, who often forget my name and treat me as a spare part of his, which I find bloody unfair.

Does anyone else ever feel like this?

Voting Results
62% Normal
Based on 42 votes (26 yes)
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Comments ( 6 )
  • [Old Memory]
    13 years ago

    Usually, people ask about a spouse to be polite, recognizing an important person in your life. However, maybe the fact that you are involved in religion (most are patriarchal) those people consider your husband as more important than you because he is a man - which you should feel upset about, it's oppressive.

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    • BlueAlice
      13 years ago

      We're not married yet... just "technically engaged" (He proposed to me after we'd only been together for 6 months and I said yes....).

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  • dappled
    13 years ago

    I know what you mean. It feels demeaning when you're the person right there and they immediately pass you over without any further conversation and talk about someone who isn't there, as though they are so more interesting that even their absence is better than your presence.

    On the other hand, I always ask about people's other halves. It's almost an instinctive, polite response. I only do it when I've had a good chat to them first, though, and the conversation is coming to a natural end.

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  • lindseymarie27
    10 years ago

    People do that normally when they're interested in the guy, you two are hot and heavy (or you're obsessed), or they know him but haven't seen him in a long time.

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  • BoredGuy
    13 years ago

    they are just trying to be polite.

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  • Ntoxicated
    13 years ago

    People do this with my mom. "How are you? How's your mom?" I sometimes feel like they're more interested in her, but maybe that's just my perception and they're being polite.

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