Are cute and sexy mutually exclusive?

24 Comments

My fiancée and I have had a long running disagreement on whether or not a woman can be both "cute" and "sexy" at the same time. She believes it's impossible, and that there's a sliding scale between the two (the more cute, the less sexy, and vice-versa). I believe they're two seperate values of attractiveness that commonly coexist. I'm also curious to see if there's a gender split in opinions. What do you think about this, is it normal friends?

I am a man, and I think a woman can be both cute and sexy.	42
I am a man, and I think a woman can only be cute OR sexy.	7
I am a woman, and I think a woman can be both cute and sexy.	22
I am a woman, and I think a woman can only be cute OR sexy.	4
Other (Write in comments)	0

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Comments ( 24 )

bucketfullofassholes

7 years ago

Sexy is something I wanna fuck, cute is something I wanna cuddle.

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hgjukbjk

7 years ago

I think your fiance's wrong because you can be both not cute and not sexy.

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MR.mr

7 years ago

I chose other because. I think that sexy and cute are indeed distinctly different but that being said a woman can still simultaneously be both. She can be 70% cute and 30% sexy but she can't be 100% sexy and cute.

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Tealights

7 years ago

It's purely subjective, because there are different variations of cute and sexy, which makes it very possible for the two words to entwine.

The issue for your fiancée might be the existence of pedophilia. As in, small children and babies are cute, but predators see that cuteness/innocence as sexy, which makes it hard to know where the line is drawn, since realistically there isn't one; but rather a line you make for yourself.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  7 years ago
  
  In her case, she's clear where her distinction between them comes from. She briefly modeled when she was a teenager, and "cute" was used derogatorily by some of the other girls/women there to denote someone who wasn't "sexy" enough to be a model.
  
  Something worth noting, I think, is the difference between, say, kittens-and-toddlers-in-halloween-costumes cute and grown-ass-woman-dancing-in-the-rain cute. I think there is a line drawn that allows the cuteness to register as sexually attractive, but I don't think it's in the cuteness itself. It may be more of a combination of other traits that signify a "proper" sexual partner that then (and only then) allow the cuteness factor to increase sexual appeal.
  
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  - Tealights
    
    7 years ago
    
    Which is why it's subjective.
    
    Also, sorry about what your fiancée had to deal with, not a lot of people understand the shit models have to go through.
    
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johnpartridge

7 years ago

Positing a spectrum that runs from cute to sexy is overly simplistic. I'm attracted to little girls, and I can assure you that cute in itself can be both attractive and sexy. Besides, a lot of the strategies that women employ to appear sexy emulate the look and behaviour of younger females (prepubescent or adolescent), whether this be to enhance neotenous features or adopt a submissive or vulnerable mien. Plenty of adult porn blurs the boundaries between cute and sexy. In short, I think you're right and your fiancée is wrong.

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- RoseIsabella
  
  7 years ago
  
  You're not normal! If you ever act on your attraction I hope you get caught, and they put you were all child molesters deserve to be. If you mess with a child they should put you in general population so the other inmates can handle the problem, and do what needs to be done. I honestly don't hate you, but you talk about your disgusting attraction like it's something wonderful which it isn't. You should be ashamed of being a pedophile!
  
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  - johnpartridge
    
    7 years ago
    
    Hirschmann et al. (1995) showed that 89% of heterosexual males exhibit significant arousal to prepubescent girls and that 32.5% of them showed arousal that equalled or exceeded their arousal to adult women. So as not to conflate arousal with attraction, various figures in the field (Sarah Goode, etc.) have suggested that significant attraction to prepubescents is common, with 20% being a conservative estimate and 50% being credible. That's for 'significant attraction'. In terms of so-called true paedophilia (exclusive attraction to firmly prepubescent children), estimates are in the 1-4% of the male population. I can't tell what definition of normal you're using (statistical, biological, etc.), but men with my sexuality (non-exclusive) are at the very least fairly common, and you'll certainly be walking past them every day.
    
    I have no intention of acting on my attraction. I agree that child molestors should meet with appropriate punitive measures. I disagree that this should be a matter for 'other inmates to handle'; wishing such harm on an individual hardly gives anyone the moral high ground. Furthermore, there are men in prison for offences that were not more serious than engaging in sexual activity with a willing adolescent minor. Although I agree that anyone breaking the law should be punished appropriately, I can't accept that such a person should be left to the bloodlust of the prison population, many of whom are far more contemptible.
    
    I'm glad you don't hate me, because I am a decent human being and have done nothing bad to you. I wouldn't say I'm proud of being attracted to girls. It's not an attraction I've chosen, and in that sense pride would seem a misplaced sentiment. For the same reason, I wholeheartedly disagree that I should feel ashamed. What I am proud of is that I have dealt with this attraction maturely, even when I was young and hormonal, and never done anything that would or could harm anyone, despite not having a support network until recently (which the Internet makes possible).
    
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    - RoseIsabella
      
      7 years ago
      
      I don't have a problem with bad things happening to sex offenders period! Hell, I don't have a problem with bad things happening to those who commit sexual harassment. It's just what I believe, and it ain't ever gonna change, nor do I want it to change.
      
      I once, without actually realizing it, threatened a convicted pedophile who had molested two seven year old girls. Yes, he served his time and paid his debt to society, but I don't care. After I took him aside and had a talk with him he never came around near me again. Yes, I'm proud of myself, and so we're a lot of other people.
      
      The man I scared molested his own niece and a neighbor girl. It's disgusting, he's disgusting!
      
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      - johnpartridge
        
        7 years ago
        
        I don't have positive feelings towards convicted child molestors (you can't be a convicted paedophile, incidentally, as paedophilia is neither an action nor an offence), and neither do I believe that paying one's debt to society necessarily equates to adequate justice for the victim. I don't restrict this sentiment to sexual offenders. However, it is not my place to wish bad things on criminals, or, as you appear to be willing to do (if I interpret you correctly), non-criminals (paedophiles who have not offended). If I were to judge, then I would start with the worst offenders, which would include those who commit the acts you wish to be committed against paedophiles.
        
        You may be proud of yourself, but I don't see any evidence in your response of anything to be proud of. Your position is visceral and blinkered. It is the type of bigotry that is harnessed by those with a keen sense of the pliability of the uncritical masses. If you had been born 150 years ago, you would have felt this way about homosexuals. If you had been born 100 years ago in Germany, you would have felt this way about Jews. If you had been born in Europe of the Early Modern period, you would have railed against witches and heretics. If you had been raised in the Middle East during the 1990s, you would now be railing against infidels. Your kind are common, as evidenced by your statement 'and so were a lot of other people', but the moral high ground is not earned by numerical supremacy.
        
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  - MR.mr
    
    7 years ago
    
    I agree with everything you said except the first 3 words. While numbers vary even the more conservative studies show close to 50% of men are attracted to little girls. So while it is horribly disturbing it is unfortunately quite normal.
    
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    - johnpartridge
      
      7 years ago
      
      I hadn't actually seen your comment here before replying. Given the prevalence of paedophilic attraction, the question for society is how do we deal with the subject maturely and in a manner most conducive to children's well-being (and that of the adults they go on to become)? Hysteria, I would contend, is not conducive to their well-being, creating, compounding or aggravating harm.
      
      Neither is it conducive to reducing rates of child molestation, because it stifles understanding of the problem. For example, a major UK children's charity was approached by Dr Sarah Goode, who was seeking funding for further research into the prevalence of paedophilia. This research would ultimately contribute to greater understanding with a view to reducing the incidence of sexual offences against children. The charity turned her away on the grounds that understanding would be perceived as sympathizing.
      
      A study was commissioned by the FBI to look at paedophilic attraction in people convicted of child molestation. It emerged that c. 90% of child sexual abuse is committed by what are referred to as 'situational offenders', i.e. people who are not preferentially attracted to children. These could be lonely opportunists using the child as a sex toy or sadistic psychopaths who enjoy inflicting suffering on the most vulnerable victim they can find, and are therefore turned on by the suffering rather than the child. Paedophilic attraction only accounts for the motive in a minority of cases. With that in mind, bogeyman myths are wholly inadequate to the task of reducing the incidence of child sexual abuse, which can only be achieved through greater understanding. And hysteria gets in the way of funding for research, as the case of the children's charity above shows.
      
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  - Anonymous Post Author
    
    7 years ago
    
    It reads to me more like he was just explaining his perspective. Pedophilia's an admittedly unfortunate orientation that people can't can't just "turn off," just like any "normal" orientation. If someone acts on it and predates on children, of course, they should be punished with the full fury and rage such acts deserve.
    
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    - RoseIsabella
      
      7 years ago
      
      Roger that on the fury and rage.
      
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dytrog

7 years ago

Cute can mean cunning, clever, adorable, loveable or attractive. My wife was 21 and cute, sexy. 4'8" 97 LB's and fun to be with. I like a cute girl better than beautiful. They are not as likely to be self centered. You can be cute from birth to diff. ages for diff. people. There is nothing wrong with thinking a young girl is cute. Just wrong to have sex with one.

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HiAGAIN10

7 years ago

depends. sex appeal is about attitude and style. cute is softer and charming. theres women that can posess both. usually the girl next door type of chicks are cute and sweet but can be sexy too. alot of 90's actresses and celebrities had those vibes.

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rayb12

7 years ago

I voted that they can be both, but I have heard people say that they are mutually exclusive, or rather a guy cannot be both cute and hot

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fluffy1uv

7 years ago

You should have said people instead of women for those of us who do not find women sexy

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  7 years ago
  
  Sorry about that. For the sake of the poll, though, I was targeting women specifically, as it's a seperate issue on whether or not the "cute" value is a consistent representation of the same qualities across various target gender identities.
  
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you_go_glen_coco

7 years ago

Turn the tables. Say, for instance, that the specimen is a guy. If you call a guy sexy it means that you are sexually attracted to him. If you call a guy cute it means that the attraction isn't there on the same level as what calling him sexy would be.

So, reverting back to a girl, how can a girl be cute and sexy at the same time when, with the one, you want to rip the buttons off her shirt and lift her skirt over her hips and press her up against a wall ... and with the other one you want to watch Netflix with?

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  7 years ago
  
  Hm. A good point, but I'd argue that I've often seen the two used interchangeably when referring to guys.
  
  I've encountered the simultaneous need to curl up with a nice lady to watch netflix and to rip off each other's clothes. It's a matter of what happens to be more pressing at the moment.
  
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  - you_go_glen_coco
    
    7 years ago
    
    So you admit that the difference in the word is what you intend to do with the person?
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      7 years ago
      
      Nah. I'm merely saying both urges can exist simultaneously. It doesn't mean they're automatically to be attributed to a sole factor.
      
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Are You Normal?

Are cute and sexy mutually exclusive?