Are all cheaters bad people? should you associate with them?

I have a new friend that has admitted to cheating, and I'm not sure if I should be around them anymore. I don't want to judge people, but it doesn't seem right to be around someone that could betray you at any moment and you wouldn't even know it.

From what people have told me, when someone cheats they don't love their partner anymore and don't care about their feelings (some say they haven't cared even before cheating). That being the case, no one should ever get back together with the person that cheated on them.
What is to stop them from cheating on their next partner? Nothing. If they've done it before they could easily do it again, so why should anyone give a cheater a chance? A lot of them lie (that's how they get away with it) and leave their partner suffering, but that doesn't matter to them.
Why would ANYONE want to associate with someone like that, for the matter? What would stop them from betraying the trust of their family and friends? If they can show no concern for their partner, the person closest to them, they could do it to anyone.

It seems to me like cheating would make you one of the most reprehensible people out there, especially seeing how it has affected a lot of people online. In the forums I go to these people are permanently ruined because of this, and the few that recover are too hesitant to start a relationship again.

I'm not planning to get into a relationship with this person, but I don't think even a friendship would work if the stuff I said above were true.
I need advice.

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Comments ( 20 )
  • Murun

    I wouldn't want such a judgemental self-righteous twat as you to be my friend!

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    • I'm sorry that I don't want someone that can disregard someone's feelings at the drop of a hat. Everything that people do shows bits of their character, and that includes cheating.

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  • Tealights

    Why are you so limited? There are many different forms of cheating, and people do it all the time. Cheating on work, test, out of situations, and more; if you're going to focus so hard on one deceiving act, why not on them all?

    My point is, cheating sucks, but romantic relationships have a lot more rules than a friendship. You're not bound to this guy in some "monogamous" friendship lol; there's no such thing. So if he does lie, his lies to you would be rather trivial at best, and the most hurtful would be him not paying you back money he borrowed or telling secrets you've told him (which you should only do with best friends you trust btw). If he seems like a fun person to hang around, then go for it, and warn your friends who seem interested in him about his past; otherwise, what he does in his personal time isn't any of your business.

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    • How can I just ignore that part of someone though? People always tell me how horrible cheating is and I don't want to be friends with someone if I know they can't treat other people with respect (best case scenario they are a huge hypocrite and that isn't a good quality either.)

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      • Tealights

        Although you're not in a position to be cheated on by this guy, what's probably upsetting you and making overreact is the fact of knowing.

        Some cheaters redeem themselves, and some don't. Look at him for the person he is now, and see if he learned from his past mistakes. However, it you rather deem a lousy friend without further consideration on whether he changed or not, then ignore him.

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  • It's not really your buisness what other people do. Some may be unsure of being friends with someone who judges their personal lives.

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    • CreamPuffs

      Cheating is wrong and you shouldn't give the time of day to someone who did it, let alone be their friend.

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      • charli.m

        I've had good friends who have cheated. Their reasons are various.

        Is it ok? No, not really.

        Are they still good people? Yes. Very much so. And I care for them very much.

        It's not fair to blanket condemn people because of it.

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      • That's an opinion. There are lots of reasons people cheat. Personally I think if you feel like cheating you should probably just break up with them but I dont really care what people do if it doesn't effect me because it's not my buisness.

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  • uppyurarse432

    Once a cheater always a cheater and word to the wise you are the company you keep .

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  • more4

    Your not dating this person so what's the problem ... This is the real world... I can guarantee you people close to you have cheated on their partners and you'd never suspect them ... We are all human and all have urges

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    • Having urges doesn't mean you should act on them.

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  • erik9631

    While some respect that, I do not.
    Cheating is bad. It is hard to judge those people. Some just do not care, just like you mentioned and some are just weak. They get easily affected by emotional attachment, and quickly jump to cheating, or simply are too scared to end one relationship to start another. Dishonesty is the biggest problem here.
    So many people fail to realize how much can a simple conversation achieve. All you have to do is look in the persons eye and tell him how you feel.
    You do not want the relationship anymore than say it out loud and save all the drama.

    I am one of those that does not respect cheating and does not take lightly to it. It is so easy to avoid. All it takes is a rational healthy mind.

    Whether you should associate with them? That is hard to judge. It is hard to judge a single person based on a single action in his life. It generally depends how you feel about him/her. The person could have cheated because he could have been weak. That does not make him a bad person. The person could have cheated because he/she does not care about how people feel like. Just wanted to get laid.

    It generally all comes to you. It is hard to generalize. Just think rationally. If you really think he is a bad person and does not deserve you than just quit hanging around him/her.

    But I would never date a cheater, that is for sure. No matter the reasons or the cause.

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  • yesnomaybeso

    I was in love with a guy who had cheated on the past.

    He cheated again.

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  • It's a tricky subject for sure and you're not wrong for how you feel, it's allowed and not bad at all.

    People cheat for a ton of reasons, I assume. I'm like you on this, I wouldn't be with someone who has cheated, they tarnished themselves by my standards when it comes relationships of they've cheated.

    That said, that's "my" standard and it's "your" standard, not everyone is like us and will give others another chance, a chance which isn't obligated to give but their choice.

    So I wouldn't say you're bad for your standards, I share them with you, however others have their own standards, sometimes they work, sometimes they don't.

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  • pantaloonz

    Cheating does not make you reprehensible. Many cheaters both men and women never get caught because they are still dedicated spouses, parents, and community members.

    People get bored easily, and we were NOT meant to have the same sexual partner for life otherwise our species would never have survived.

    Humans are primal, we forget that way too often, This over exuberance on tolerance, emotional repression and political correctness is absolute poison. Not telling some one they are complete f*cktard is hurting them and you.

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    • Being bored isn't an excuse to cheat.
      Cheating disregards the partners feelings and just tosses them aside for some other person.It's disrespectful and a betrayal to the partner.
      How can you justify that?

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  • Yennifer_Of_Vengerburg

    Cheaters are lame... But you get to make the choice if you want to be friend's with them or not the one worry is they might try and fuck your significant other if you had one. I know a guy who is married with children and his always trying to get with any female even underage he's wife don't have a clue. But everyone is different I'm sure not all cheaters are the same.

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  • Youngvictoria

    I've known people who cheated in the past and then grew up and knew 100% that they will NEVER do it again (myself included). And then there are tbe people who go decades never cheating or thinking they would then they get bored in their long term marriage and have an affair. People change. You can't judge people just like that at face value, it's more complicated than that. I would never dismiss someone as a friend because they once cheated. Now if they are a total douche who still cheats and has no regrets/brags about it then they probably have a shitty personality anyways and wouldn't be worth being your friend. But someone who did it in the past probably learned from tbe experience (at least hopefully they did) and don't need your judgement.

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    • JonathanOo

      I agree. It's one thing to accidentally flirt or cheat a few times in your life vs actively or repetitively trying to hook up with someone else time and time again. Some learn from the mistake and do their best to make sure they don't hurt anyone again

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