Another soft boy post

Really obsessed with this idea of being soft/me

When I turned 12 I got so horny and I thought I had to compromise who I was to get girls.

So I ditched all my friends and stopped trying in school and tried to skateboard etc.

And then when I got older I stayed with this alt-music crowd and eventually started smoking weed sometimes which I thought I'd never do.

And I didn't try in school or do anything really that wasn't aimed towards being attractive to girls.

What never stopped me is this always worked, or I was charismatic and funny and attractive enough that girls liked me anyways.

But I always feel like I had to compensate, like I'm really really good at making girls get off rly hard and I always felt the need to do that :(

And I didn't let them fully sexualize and feel comfortable around me. Like they'd always want me, but I always felt like I'm giving them space to be sexually with holding if I don't put on this alpha bullshit.

The idea i could fully be me with all my parts and still be sexually open with someone is an idea I abandoned forever ago if I ever had it. I never thought I could have both