Am i too judgemental when it comes to looking for a boyfriend?

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6 Comments

Hi,
I am an attractive 20yr old female and looking for a boyfriend but are very judgemental when it comes to finding a potential partner and so have never had one before. I know guys' crush on me all the time and think mainly because of my appearance. However, I am very judgemental which I think deep down is a lot to do with their appearance so usually hold back in getting involved. I don't want to sound vain or big headed or anything because I am far from it in life. I do want a boyfriend, but when it comes down to it, I don't like most of the guys which like me how they do me, if that makes sense. My immediate reaction if I know a guy likes me is to say I just want to be friends. Half of me is saying that I just need to wait and the right one will come and the other half of me is saying that if I keep declining to get involved I will miss him when he comes and that i will never really get to know a guy if I immediately reject him. Do u think I should wait because if I did get into a relationship and 'mr right' came along I would miss him, or should I get to know a guy better because I may grow to like him?
This is probably a very pathetic situation, but just want some advice. Thanks =)

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71% Normal
Based on 31 votes (22 yes)
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Comments ( 6 )
  • justme83
    14 years ago

    It's too bad more people don't do as much planning for a healthy relationship as you do. I'm proud of you. One day your patience will pay off. Good luck.

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  • mieoux
    14 years ago

    Try this:

    1. If you think the guy is good looking - accept the date. Don't think any further about it at this time. Just focus on showing up for the date and looking good while you are at it.

    2. On this first date you need to evaluate several things

    That the guy is not on drugs
    That the guy has not had episodes of violence against women
    That the guy is reasonably intelligent, doesn't have to be Einstein but needs to be able to say a full sentence during the conversation.
    That the guy either has a job or has the potential to get a job.
    Anything more than this is just excessive.

    3. If he passes the above stage then you may proceed, go on another date or several more. If the dates are fun keep going on the dates.

    4. Have sex with the guy, if it's good then continue with dates and sex, you are now in a relationship.

    4. Evaluate how it makes you feel to be in this relationship, do you feel good about being in this relationship? If your answer is yes, then congratulations, you have found your Mr. Right.

    By the way if the guy fails any of these steps, drop the guy and move on to the next one. By the way if you add any challenges to the steps make sure that you honestly also pass those challenges. Remember you too have to bring something to the relationship. All the best!

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  • [Old Memory]
    14 years ago

    Well it is difficult for many young attractive women because they get "hit" on so much, and it is hard to know what intentions or possibilities are there beyond the obvious and limited sexual one.

    So I think you are right to think about relationships in broader and more meaningful terms. That is not judgmental. that is just not being a sexualized "a piece of meat", if you pardon the expression.

    You are pretty young as an adult, and may need to evolve beyond your crowd and its limited (i.e. immature) concepts of what relationships are about.

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  • Aaargh
    13 years ago

    No, I don't think you are too judgamental. You have all the right to decide what is good and beautiful in your own eyes. And you are clever enough to think of things thorough before taking someone as a boyfriend who is not fit for you.

    Perhaps something inside of you is saying "this guy only likes you because he is beautiful" and that is why you dismiss them so easily and call them "Friends".

    I think you will find Mr.Right if you are patient and selective. Don't compromise your self.

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  • freethinkerguy
    14 years ago

    What you are dealing with is known in mathematics as the "optimal stopping problem".

    There is no Mr. Right. You have to live life, then it will change you. But you're crazy if you marry before 30. Nobody should be allowed to marry before 30. Nobody really knows what they're doing before 30 :)

    As Dan Savage says, "part of settling down is settling for". Just find somebody you can be happy with.

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  • [Old Memory]
    14 years ago

    I think you should get to know the guy
    How else will you know if you like him?

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