Am i the only one who is confused by a bidet?

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31 Comments

I've never used one, only seen them. I'm probably too old to not know how a bidet works, but, hey, I don't, OK?

Today's the day, I'm going to google it finally.

Here, just so you can laugh at me, I'll post my most burning questions:

Do you poop in it? It doesn't look like it's meant for that.

I think it sprays water up on your ass?? And then what? Do you use your hand to wash your ass?

What the heck do you dry your ass off with?

Can men pee in it?

Can a guy just go wash his balls on there, if he's so inclined?

What's the force of the water spraying out?

Do you use it when you poop and pee?

So, yeah...haha, I'm an idiot. I hope youtube has a good video to answer all my questions.

Anyway, is it normal to not know the dealio about bidets?

Voting Results
72% Normal
Based on 201 votes (145 yes)
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Comments ( 31 )
  • dinz
    11 years ago | pl

    •Do you poop in it? It doesn't look like it's meant for that.
    No you don't poop in it. Please use your toilet

    •I think it sprays water up on your ass?? And then what? Do you use your hand to wash your ass?
    You can use your hand to wash your ass, HOWEVER most bidets have internal sprays that does it.

    •What the heck do you dry your ass off with?
    Toilet paper or a towel

    •Can men pee in it?
    Yes

    •Can a guy just go wash his balls on there, if he's so inclined?
    Yes

    •What's the force of the water spraying out?
    It depends on how you want it

    •Do you use it when you poop and pee?
    Poop - yes. Pee - No

    •Anyway, IIN to not know the dealio about bidets?
    You're American it's ok.

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    • dude_Jones
      11 years ago

      Remember, a squeaky clean butt hole is a joy indeed. This is why most Americans smell funny.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      I watched some videos on this and I'm still confused!!

      So you poop in the toilet and then hop over to the bidet to wash your ass....this doesn't make sense. What if you had the shits and if you stand up it will run down your leg, or if you had a little klingon that is stuck but falls down your pants leg when you get up? Or, wait, do you wipe too?

      Then in one video they had a bar of soap in a little recess in the wall there.... the idea of community ass soap is pretty gross.

      Also, community ass towel?? eeewww.

      And you don't pee in there? Not even the women?

      Isn't it worlds easier to just use either baby wipes or the specially made flushable wipes?

      The ones that are built into a normal toilet are weird too. I don't like the thought that pee or poop will get all over it from the previous person washing their ass, then spray up onto my ass.

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      • dinz
        11 years ago

        Well alot of bathrooms have toilet paper as well, use that if you needed to "clean up" before you proceed to use the bidet.

        I personally don't use a shared towel for it. I either use wipes or my own towel, if done properly you are basically using the towel to dry your ass.

        You can pee in it but there is usually a toilet near by so I would use the toilet.

        I never used a Japanese style bidet before. But I'm assuming the spray heads are design in a way that it's design to minimise fæces landing on the head/s.

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          11 years ago

          Thanks for the information! This all sounds far too complicated for my tastes!

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          • dinz
            11 years ago

            Well if you do encounter a bidet in a bathroom there is no rule where you have to use the damn thing ;)

            Are you heading overseas or having one installed? If you are going overseas, some advice take a roll of toilet paper in your day pack just incase.

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  • Who_Fan4Life
    11 years ago

    The bidet was invented by the French (go figure!)

    I mean, come on....escargot, ascots, toilets that shoot water into your asshole. It's the French, what do you expect!?

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    That is what that is for? I thought it was a low drinking fountain.

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  • disthing
    11 years ago

    Never even seen one.

    I want to go to Japan and try their funky multifunction hotel toilets. That's not the only reason I want to visit Japan of course... (it is).

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  • goldengrain
    8 years ago

    Nobody answered the 'Which way do you face' question. I use a spritz bottle after I evacuate. Along with bidets there are fancy toilet seats that have them built in which eliminates the need to get up off the toilet to use the bidet. There are also handheld spritzers that can be attached to your water supply and hook on to the wall or the back of the toilet.

    I am wondering about the latter. They probably only use cold water. If a person is not using soap, then only the heat of the water will really kill bacteria in that area. Since feces probably contains grease, I think I would want water as hot as is comfortable for me.

    They also sell squeeze bottles as portable bidets. The bottles are made for that purpose with a long tip that is curved at the end to reach the appropriate area.

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  • gloryholeflasher
    10 years ago

    I understand what the bidet is for, and basically how it works. My concern is, what about overspray?
    Are we supposed to remove our pants and underwear completely before using it?
    If I'm using one for the first time, am I likely to come out of the bathroom with water sprayed all over my clothes, looking like I pissed my pants, because I was too close, or too far away, or in the wrong position?

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  • peterr
    10 years ago

    In Paris, I washed my boots in one. Does that count for originality or anything in this fucked up world.

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  • negasphere
    11 years ago

    If you're from/in a place where the Bidet is not common= NORMAL.

    I don't care for the separate "bidet" fromthe toilet layout. It's WHY my home and work Thrones have either Bidet seats or a simple sprayer with hot/cold balance valving. How much do you value your ass and junk's care&cleaning at after all, eh?

    Our junk&arses are worth it!

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    I keep my goldfish in mine.

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  • Terence_the_viking
    11 years ago

    would you rather have skiddy pants?

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  • CoolJoe
    11 years ago

    Retarded people asking retarded question... LOL
    Epic FACEPALM + ROLLEYES

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  • katdr12
    11 years ago

    this is a great topic...now to google which way you seriously face. Washed my feet in 'em before. I will bring up the courage to try one one day for its true purpose.

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  • Avant-Garde
    11 years ago

    A bidet is supposed to be used after you go to the toilet. Wipe your genitals/anus and flush the toilet. Walk over to the bidet, become acquainted with it and squat. Twist a knob or push a button (whichever allows the water to come out and spray your genitals/ass). Dry yourself off and wash your hands. Go on with the rest of your day until you have to go to the toilet again... Then, the cycle should repeat itself.

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  • Mando
    11 years ago

    Bidets make sense. The north american TP only approach is pretty dirty and gross. There are even cartoon ads of bears talking about which TP leaves fewer bits behind in the behind! HELLO!?!? Low hygiene awareness alert!!!

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  • NeuroNeptunian
    11 years ago

    A few weeks ago when I was in church, I saw this fat couple that made me think to look it up. Now, I don't mean a couple of chubby folks, but like, BIG people (and I suspect that the woman was pregnant because she kept rubbing her belly but since she was so big I couldn't tell). They usually sit in front of me and they don't control their kids at all (so like... why have any more you know?).

    But it made me think... they are so huge and their butt cheeks were at least 1 foot out from their rectum, how do they get their hands all the way up there to whipe? I pulled out the smart phone and lookied it upon google and that is where I discovered the bidet.

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    • IrishPotato
      11 years ago

      What if they're American and down own a bidet?

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      • NeuroNeptunian
        11 years ago

        Sometimes caretakers wipe for them, sometimes their spouse or kids, sometimes they use a stick of some kind, sometimes they take showers afterwards and sometimes they just don't wipe.

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        • IrishPotato
          11 years ago

          I'd hate to be fat.
          Say Batman, how come you never show up in the chat anymore? :o.

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          • NeuroNeptunian
            11 years ago

            I was on last night, man :O

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        • JustDave
          11 years ago

          Sometimes they use a carwash.

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    No, you're not the only one who is confused by it. I was too.

    I bought a house last year with one installed in the en-suite. After I bleached the shit out of it, I played around with it a bit trying to figure out how it worked. I wasn't quite sure which way you're supposed to face sitting on it (still not certain) and there is not much of a "seat" part to it. It's like having a shower on your bits without having to go through the hassle of full-on body shower. It's pretty fresh, but I don't use it since it's in a part of the house I rarely go in.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      Whoa I didn't even think about which way to face! More confusion.

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    good for washing dirty feet tho

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    • BlueJeansWhiteShirt
      11 years ago

      I've used one to wash my feet too. It's hard to get the sand out your toes.

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    • [Old Memory]
      11 years ago

      You're comment made me laugh. There is one in my house and I have used it for washing my feet after playing in the dirt. It's very handy that way, much easier than doing it in the tub. lol

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  • dirtybirdy
    11 years ago

    I know a very large woman who has a store bought thingy attached to her toilet and its quite obvious that its a booty spritzer. Mmm cold tank water

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