Am i still a virgin or am i still allowed to call myself one?

That shouldn't have happened to you and the fault is on your older cousin's side, not yours. Please talk to someone about it: is there a sexual assault hotline you could call or your school counsellor?

You have done nothing wrong, please believe that.

First, understand that the whole concept of virginity is messed up.

The idea of virginity is something that men came up with as a way of ensuring that the kids their wife had were their own. It's all about women being seen as property. In the bad old days (and in some places still today) the virginity of girls was protected - with violence, if necessary - until a man claimed her, and then he locked her away so that no other man could ever touch her. Virginity is nothing at all to do with spiritual purity or a woman's value as a human being, and everything to do with her value to a man as a piece of property and the potential mother of his children.

I'm certain some men also value virginity because the woman's lack of sexual experience means there's no risk she'll compare him unfavourably to other men.

People who believe virginity is a valid concept have different definitions of it, but I suppose most believe that a woman is no longer a virgin once a penis has been in her vagina. If you buy that, and the only thing your cousin has ever put inside you is his finger, then you clearly are still a virgin by that definition.

If you're still doubting if you're a virgin because _something_ has been in your vagina, then do you think girls who use tampons are no longer "officially" virgins? What about if you'd had some health issue when you were small and a doctor had inserted a medical instrument in your vagina? I've heard of confused mothers taking their infant girl's temperature by putting a thermometer in her vagina. If someone had done that to you, do you think you would have officially lost your virginity at the age of six months?

Like I said, the concept of virginity is messed up, but believing that would be completely ludicrous.

In any case, the central issue here is not your virginity. The most important fact is that your cousin did sexual things to you at the age of 13, and then did it again a couple of years later. A secondary issue is how you feel very guilty about being curious and having been involved in something sexual.

He shouldn't have done it, and maybe you should have been more emphatic in telling him to fuck off. But the simple fact is that kids your age are curious about sex. They always have been, and they always will be. Puberty is a hormonal and emotional shit-storm, and curiosity about sex is a big part of it.

Beating yourself up for not punching him in the face the moment he touched you when you were 13 achieves nothing positive. Regardless of whatever crap you might have heard from your family, your church or anybody else, you did not become a sinful, evil slut the moment your cousin's fingertip entered your pristine vagina.

It seems to me that the best thing you can do is make it very clear to your cousin that you do not want this to ever happen again, and that you will tell people about what he's already done if he ever tries it. Make sure you state this very clearly, because far too many guys hear "maybe" when a woman says "no". You should also do your very best to never be alone with him again.

As for talking about this with your mother, from what you say, I'm not sure that's a great idea. Is there someone else you could talk to? Ideally, it would be someone non-judgemental (so not a frigging priest), female, and not related to you. Does your school have a counsellor? Maybe there's a youth charity near you with counsellors?

First of all, I'm sorry this happened. Just know it is NOT your fault.

However, virginity is basically just a concept. You're a "virgin" until you consensually have sex with somebody

You could easily lose your hymen by stretching or falling or maybe it could just be damaged on its own? That doesn't define your virginity. Only sex does, and its not sex if its sexual abuse.

Yes you are still a virgin. Talk the situation over with an adult female that you trust or check for sexual abuse hotlines (they are usually free).

Tell your cousin to stay the fuck away from you up you ever run into this person again.

If you don't feel like you can talk to your mom maybe you have a teacher or a school counselor that you feel comfortable enough with that you can talk to them? You could call the police and ask them what to do.

You haven’t lost your virginity until you think so! Like if you got raped, you can still say you have your v-card because it’s YOUR GODDAMN BODY! Do what you want with your cousin, but don’t go too far. You only get one life, so live it:)

Get proof have ur phone close to you if happened again and just pop up and take a pic then black male him for the rest of his life

You're not useless or a slut or dirty or anything like that in any way. You're a good pure person who has been abused. But you can't hold onto this by yourself forever, you need to talk to someone to let it all out, whether that be your mother or your school counsellor.

To me a virgin is a woman who has never given birth or had a miscarriage. The hymen can be damaged just by riding a bicycle. Way too much talk about virginity being described as a woman who has never been penetrated. That's so old school.

When was the 3rd time? You need to talk to your mom or some sort of and just stop being scared of what will happen. Whatever you do, don't let this keep going on if you don't like it that is.