Am i over reacting, this is cheating right?

41% Normal

I want to know what this called ??? Here the story ....

Back in old days, My best friend had feelings for me actually so am i but i was scared as he wasn't mature enough and i needed secure relationship.
and after 6 years of friendship he admit it but i refused it and says its not the right time and you shouldn't admit it till you ready cause you are not and i am currently emotionally not available and all i want to have him around as a friend.
Years passed he left town i moved on with my life he also did but we never apart from time to time we catch up,
One day he called and asked me to meet him as he was on town and he misses me once i saw him something changed in me my feelings towards him grow i fell for him as he changed he growed up .
I kept blocking myself not to tell him i wait it for two years as i thought it was a fling and i don't want resk what we have but i realized that it wasn't.

Finally i admit my feelings he blamed me and said its too late and he is currently on relationship with someone else and this girl dreamy and beautiful and everything he want and kept blaming me why i late why i was with everyone else but him but he rejected me and say that it's over we are just friends.

but after awhile something happened we back to talking everyday about everything but as friends but suddenly he admit that he never love or will love anyone like he loves me but its not the right time and there alot of things going on in his head right now and he don't want to see me sad or hanging on something not clear.

i get that he stopped talking to her as he mentioned that he cannot be in this relation as this not him and something not right.

he was traveling in the weekend to Europe and he kept me followed what his plans there i asked him is he going alone he said yes he is going to visit our old friend there i kept asking and pressuring on alone he said yes.

till the travel day came and suddenly connections lost !!!!!! and he stopped talking i text him how is things there and he was cold in his answer !!!

till he came back he didn't text me i text him to see if he back he kept talking that he wished i was there and this trip would be complete if he have me but i felt something was wrong then after a few days i discovered that she was with him and they spend apparently from the pictures a lovely time :O
i am torn into pieces right now i felt like i lost it all and my friends keep saying i have no right to get upset as we weren't exclusive and i already know that they were a thing!! I am lost and i don't know what to do he lies he cheats and he hurt me what should i think or do is that right and i am over reacting ?

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41% Normal

Based on 29 votes (12 yes)

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Comments ( 13 )

ZaneT

7 years ago | pl

From your perspective: You only wanted to be friends, then u wanted to be more than friends, then u wanted to be just friends again.
From his perspective: He wanted more than friendship but you didn't, he got on with his life, you both stayed in contact, he met someone else but kept in contact with you. Ultimately he wanted to have his cake and eat it.
You have to move on from him as he doesn't love you like you now love him.

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New-Zealand-Guy

7 years ago

I can understand you not dating him in the past because he was immature and you needed a secure relationship. However, you have to accept doing this comes with consequences and they are that he starts dating other women. After all you said no.

The reason he bought it up again after 6 years of friendship is because he has loved you all this time even while dating other women. Now he is not in the wrong for loving you but he is in the wrong for leading these other women on. The fact he has done this to the other women should be a warning sign that he may well do that to you as well if you dated him.

You told him you want him around only as a friend and that is fine but you need to accept he is likely to leave you alone after that.

The thing is deep down he never lost the love for you and you never lost it for him and what actually happened is deep down you both still shared love for each other all this time. Now, when you two met after all these years this love deep down resurfaced because all this time both of you have had feelings for each other.

You not telling him how you felt meant he started to date another person. However, it was mean and nasty of him to tell you how the other woman was dreamy and everything he wanted in a woman. That information was not needed from him.

He was extremely wrong in telling you he was going to Europe alone when he was not. He should have been honest. The fact he said he wishes you were there while being with the other woman is playing with your mind and you have every right to be upset and annoyed with him over this.

To be honest he does not know what he wants. I think for your own good you need to let him go, move on and find another man when you are fully over him because unless he changes he will date you and while dating you will be telling other women that he likes them. He also lied to you and people that tell lies over things like this are a person you should stay away from.

I am sorry to say this but it is the way I feel. I honestly feel you are not doing yourself any good if you dated him because he has shown he can't be trusted.

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- Rodmino
  
  7 years ago
  
  really i cannot describe what your comment done to me it such a relief thank you :)
  
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  - New-Zealand-Guy
    
    7 years ago
    
    You are welcome. :) Do you have anymore questions? Please ask anything you want, you are more than welcome to? :)
    
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    - Rodmino
      
      7 years ago
      
      actually i am afraid, i close all my connections as i can't deal with him right now and he doesn't know that i knew he cheats , but i am scared if he reach me or contact me what should i do and i don't even want to blame him or discuss this with him whats done is done and i chose to move on but what if he confronts me why i shut him down ??
      
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      - New-Zealand-Guy
        
        7 years ago
        
        Sorry for the delay in getting back to you. There is nothing wrong with it if you want a time to yourself right now to reflect and think. Could you tell him that you have some things to sort out in your mind and you would appreciate some time or would he get mad and angry?
        
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        Rodmino
        
        7 years ago
        
        He will want to know what's wrong with me and if i chose not tell him he gets upset but i don't care for that i mean do i confront him that i knows ,blame him for breaking my heart ?? How should i act i feel numb
        
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ZaneT

7 years ago

He wants to have his cake and eat it. It's time to move on.

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silkspector

7 years ago

I know we have serious mood swing but on this occasion you are messing with his head and heart

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- Ellenna
  
  7 years ago
  
  And he's messing with hers: I see no future here for either of them
  
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  - silkspector
    
    7 years ago
    
    Definitely
    
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Am i over reacting, this is cheating right?