Am i normal? are these thoughts normal?

I m sorry. I know it s long. Hope it s written clearly. IF YOU ANSWER YOU NEED TO READ THIS, OR DON T ANSWER AT ALL. These are the thoughts I wrote on my phone after I went to a friend s 20th birthday party at a beer kiosk, in Rome, 13/12/2015.

""Am i weird?
I think people can tell I am weird
I m Italian 20 years old male.
I think I have something that makes me look weird what is it?
My eyes are small, do I have eyes so small I look like a mongoloid? I have a rough voice, do u have a asinine voice? I am tall, am I so toll I m a giant? The skin under my chin is like a little loose, do I have a double chin? And so on. Maybe I have some weird physical caratteristic that makes me look weird to everybody.

Maybe I m weird socially. I was just at a gathering for a friend who was in high school with me, turning 20. It happened at a beer kiosk in Rome. I could fucking not figure out who to talk to and who to speak to and who to say hello and who to not. And so I told a friend about it. The thing is this friend is not a close one. But we know since high school. Does he god damn think that I m weird?

Am I weird with the other sex? 
At this party there was:
C who is a ex girlfriend of my friend who now lives in London. Pretty enough fir me not for the most selective friends of mine. I d like to fuck her. Can't figure out how to hit on her.

D she s a friend of mine since we left high school.  In high school we were not friends at all. Never cared for each other. Now we see each other sometimes. We re friends. I want to fuck her. But I don't know how to hit on her. How do I know if she likes me enough?(there was her twin sister also tonight, they were both so hot)

M oh this one is complicated. We were at elementary together. She rejected me at elementary. FIRST big defeat with the other sex. Now I see her at the gym sometimes. We say hello. I want to fuck her. Tonight we talked. A kinda lot. Couldn't figure out if she was talking to me to pass the time (which is ok) or just to fill up any embarrassing silence there could be between us, while she figured out a way to ditch me and that stupid conversation. She talked a damn lot. I faked interest. Did I do that well enough? She picked up her phone e and said hello to a friend of hers, walked towards her. She figured it out, didn't she?

A. Oh she lives near me. Same university. We both study law. She s rich tiny bit more than me. She s thin and athletic. She s sexy. She s kinda ignored by her male friends because they don't take her as an option. So maybe she has low self esteem, but  she looks so much like a proud person. She look damn noble and she looks like she knows it. I want to fuck her. But we barely speak. How can I hit on her?

L I was in love with her for 2-3 maybe four years (so maybe up until now). In high school.  I think of her like once a week since 4 years. Too bad she had a boyfriend. She still has. She said she didn't like me enough to leave him. I have tears in my eyes while I write this. Tonight I saw a girl sat at a table and I thought it was her. She was not. But my heart made a big jump and lost the rithm. Last time I saw her I was down for like a week. I want to fuck her. But there s no way. THIRD defeat of my life, beaten by the other sex.

These are the four women of tonight.

Am I weird with sex?
I fucked only a girl. 3 prostitutes maybe more. Only she gave me blow job hand job and french kiss that I hadn't paid. I love pegging and cuckold videos. I did pegging with a prostitute once, I m thinking of trying it again. Why can't I be normal with sex? I may like BDSM too.

Ah now I feel like having a hand job.

Maybe I should stop writing.""

I did not masturbated in the end. Instead I posted what I wrote here.