Am i just bullshitting myself ?
Deep down inside, I really want to engage with people and have a genuine conversation with them. But somehow, when I am on the verge of making good conversation, I pull myself back and start doing the old bullshit routine. By bullshit routine, I mean 'boys talk', you know like making dick jokes, not being serious, talking about banging the waitress, Pokemon porn, etc. I do enjoy having these sort of nonsense conversations from time to time. After a busy day at college/work, one just wants to relax. All I am saying is that I am growing tired of this routine. One might say, I have grown out of childish humor but the thing is, it's not even about that, I am also exhausted by having these so called adult conversations. Whenever I try to address a difficult issue, my brain just halts and I don't want to think or talk about it anymore. It's like I am addicted (for lack of a better word). I fantasize myself having an intellectual conversation but in reality I can't bring myself to it. I revert back to the old routine. To give a concrete example, I was having a discussion with my friend about Science. We were talking about how awesome it is, joking about dinosaurs and Pluto not being a planet anymore. I asked (and wanted to) him whether he thinks that science can answer moral questions. He replied "I don't know, maybe." and I said "I bet science can't explain all why we watch midget porn" and then we laughed and we moved on to some nonsense topic. This happens quite frequently. Am I just bullshitting myself ? Is this normal ? Does anyone share the same feelings ?
PS: I didn't want to write this post, it took me a long time to find the motivation to write it.(That same stagnation occurred)