Am i in an abusive relationship or am i exaggerating?

11 Comments

I've researched abusive relationships and all the signs seem way to extreme, compared to what I'm going through. I do however feel unsafe around my partner. I'll save you the trouble and won't go into detail. My bf of three years and I got into a fight last night. He started insulting me and I then started insulting him. He got mad and pinned me down, he began slapping me in the face, not brutally but hard enough (6 times) to heat my face up, and hard enough for my face to hurt today, no bruises or anything like that, just slight pain. Then he started pulling my hair back, again not brutally but hard enough to hurt. During this whole time he was just staring at me and breathing really hard. I started yelling at him to get off me. Once he got off I stood up and said I was going home, he pushed me back on the bed and blocked the door. I somehow was able to get out of his house, but he followed me to my car and held my door open, so I couldn't drive away. He kept trying to blame the whole thing on me, saying if I hadn't insulted him, this wouldn't've happened, he also tried to justify it by saying this was the first and only time he would physically hurt me. All I wanted to do was get away from him. Saving you the drastic and emotional details, I ended up braking up with him. He took my car keys and managed to get into my car and I just freaked out. I started yelling and crying, mostly because I was scared of him. He then started crying and begging for forgiveness and saying that he would learn to control his anger (which has been an empty promise for years, because he's had anger issues and outbursts before). I felt the only way I can get away from him was to pretend that everything was ok. So I did. He started kissing me and I just kissed back, I knew that if I kept fighting him he wouldn't let me go home. Today I just feel sick to my stomach and dont know what to do. All these stories I hear on the internet are of women who are close handedly beat, kicked, bruised, given black eyes, scratched, cut, etc. My story just seems so insignificant compared to theirs. Am I just exaggerating?

Yes you are exaggerating 1
No, get away from him! 39
You're right to be scared, but try to work things out 1
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Comments ( 11 )
  • Ellenna
    8 years ago

    Classic textbook abuse and it will only get worse - get out of this relationship while you can. I think you already know this is the safest course of action for you to take, or you'll end up being one of those women of whom it's said "why didn't she leave when it started?"

    In the case of the women you feel have been abused more severely than you, the abuse almost certainly started off the way yours has.

    The remorse and broken promises are standard for abusers so don't be fooled. Every time an abuser is "forgiven" condones his behaviour.

    You deserve better: get support from a women's support line or crisis centre.

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  • Nokiot9
    8 years ago

    You just have to recognize what they're capable of. Recognize their triggers and tread lightly when the situation requires. That's the unnerving part. Not being around someone that might attack you, walking on ice constantly for fear of how they'll react when they lose their shit.

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  • Nokiot9
    8 years ago

    We can all weigh in and say abusive or No. I say yes it's an abusive situation, but that doesn't make him an abusive bf. Yeah it sounds like he way over reacted. I'd never get that physical unless girl hit me first like 5 times in the face lol. Question is; do you think he is unpredictable? If so, he has the potential to become abusive. And dating an abusive person is like being in a cage with a wild animal. If you can predict their behavior well enough you can somewhat guarentee your own safety,

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  • GiveMeAFuckingNameAlready!
    8 years ago

    Your not right for one another.

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  • Maedris
    8 years ago

    As a guy, I think you should leave before it escalated into something far more horrifying. In fact, after the official breakup, you may want to sandwich yourself between friends you can trust and care about you. He may or may not harass you for a period of time, and hopefully if he does he'll give up soon.

    I speak as an outsider who has witnessed this for a few times to my female friends. One of them, who encountered the worst possibles, was almost burnt alive. It was a close call her neighbour called the cops before the guy did anything. That was a long time ago but we get crazies everyday.

    Just move on from this guy; he sounds emotionally manipulative for having led you to believe in his promise to reform FOR YEARS and never did anything. If he really cared about people that love him, he would have done something to ease their worry. Not only emotionally manipulative, he sounds dangerous.

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  • theseeker
    8 years ago

    No, you're not exaggerating. Actually, it seems like you're trying to minimize the issue, which is a mistake. Just do what you have to do to leave and never look back. Life is too short to be wasting your time in a messed up relationship. These kinds of relationships don't get better, only worse.

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  • Aries
    8 years ago

    he sounds like a loser honestly . He clearly hasn't grown up , has the emotion control of a 5 year old . He obviously isn't very intelligent either since he can't seem to solve problems with words . He doesn't have respect for women , doesn't value you or the relationship .. is a creepy weirdo and a woman beater . Don't call him back , do not text him , do not communicate with him and if he comes over to the house warn him to leave and never return or you will call the police .. if he doesn't leave , call the cops . You will find a new boyfriend don't worry about it , it's not big deal and they will love you and treat you right ...otherwise , if you stay ... you are no better than him for encouraging the abuse and I don't feel bad for you since you have clear indications he is an abuser and have a chance to escape it . I think you should leave right now and never return before he ends up dumping you in a creek or hitting you and you fall and hit your head the wrong way or anything .....

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  • Redcoats
    8 years ago

    Seriously, gtfo before he really hurts you. Leave and never go back to him or talk to him again. Your bf is a psycho.

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  • Freedom_
    8 years ago

    Even if the abuse was emotional and never escalated to a physical level, I would say get out.

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  • RoseIsabella
    8 years ago

    ...RUN!

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  • VinnyB
    8 years ago

    It isn't really about comparing how badly you are being abused to others. Are there people who are getting it worse than you? Yep. Does that make your abuse ok? Nope. Could it escalate into something much worse it you let it continue? Yep. Should you let it continue? Nope.

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