Am i gay? or is this hocd messing with me?

83% Normal
6 Comments

Not sure if 'sex' is the right category to put this under.

I'm an 18 year old male, I have never questioned my sexuality, even through puberty, I never even thought about my sexuality or what I was, I just went my whole life not thinking about sexuality or what I am(gay/straight/bi) yes, I know I shouldn't put a label on it, but I can't help it.

One day I was watching porn and I just thought to myself, 'Am I gay?' (never asked myself this before and I'm 18)
And since that day, I have questioned myself and the HOCD has got worse.

It's made me so confused that I can't even remember if I have had crushes on girls or guys.

I'm terrified of being gay it makes me want to commit suicide (I know that's a stupid reason to commit suicide, but that's what it makes me feel like) I'm scared of these thoughts. It's caused anxiety.

I don't re-call ever being attracted to guys before I asked myself that question, but then again, my HOCD makes me think I was or I am now, or I just can't remember if I was.

I don't know what to do with my life if I turned out gay. I have always wanted a girlfriend, but HOCD makes me confused with what I want.

Do you think I am gay? and do you think it's normal to NEVER question your sexuality whilst going through puberty or question your sexuality at all? I never thought about my sexuality once.

Voting Results
83% Normal
Based on 36 votes (30 yes)
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Comments ( 6 )
  • 1000yrVampireKing
    11 years ago

    HOCD says a straight person with gay thoughts. So even if you have this you might still be straight. It is not a plague so you can not catch it. Gay is not contagious.

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  • diaperwolf21
    11 years ago

    your just like any other simple minded teen going through pubertiy, child

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  • ucipher8
    11 years ago

    and i thought OCPD was pushing it, today i learn of HOCD. You ought to know if your gay or straight, porn shouldn't be a determining factor. I don't believe in people who were straight for most of their lives and then just decide to be homosexual one day (i see a lot of women do this in response to bad relationships with men) to be straight later on in life.

    All I'm saying is, you know for yourself inside what turns you on, don't let society decide that shit for you. We live in a world where catholic priests are pedophiles and candidates like George bush and sarah palin get airtime on CNN.

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  • smurfoil289
    11 years ago

    It is interfering with my life.

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  • quentari
    11 years ago

    being gay is nothing to kill yourself over o.0 it shouldn't be that horrible of a thing.

    You can question your sexuality at any age, even way past puberty.

    Also unless you've been to a psychologist, don't go around telling people you have some disorder. You're curious, not obsessed to the point where it interferes with your life. That's the difference between OCD and liking things neat or in a certain order, it's only OCD if it starts messing with your life. I highly doubt that every time you see a man you run up to him and stare wondering if he's gay and if he'll have sex with you or something

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  • DADNSCAL
    11 years ago

    First of all, self-diagnosis of a psychological disorder is a big mistake. Secondly, you can question your sexuality at any age, and it may take years for you to know. Thirdly, whatever you are, you must learn to love and accept yourself. It took me until I was 28 to realize I was bi.

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