Am i doing something wrong?

16 Comments

I am good at making friends with girls and have no problem asking a girl out but after that I have a hard time encouraging her to hang out with me again. I cannot figure out if people make excuses to not see me or if I am over thinking it. (the last girl I took out decided she was a lesbian the next day. I told her that was ok and I would still like to be friends but she said she needed time away. The week before another girl she said she would call the next day and never answered her phone. etc... similar stories life long.)

I have a few guesses why I have such a difficult time maintaining human interaction from reasons others people have pointed out to me.

1. They are embarrassed of my behavior. I provide entertaining company but some people have said I draw too much attention.

2. My lifestyle is random and you never know what I might do or who I might hang out with.

3. They are uncomfortable around me. I have a friendly positive attitude but have been told I am awkward.

4. I have an angry, depressing side but I don't express it often other than creative outlet. I am not sure if people can tell and think I do not like them.

5. They are annoyed by my eccentric behavior. Also I am often told it is annoying that I constantly repeat myself, but I never realize it until someone calls me out.

6. Bad luck/No reason

Obviously nobody will know from just this information but I have shared enough about myself over the years that I think some of you will have input.
-Bugs

They are embarrassed 2
My lifestyle 1
They are uncomfortable 4
They think I do not like them 0
I am annoying 7
Bad luck 8
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Comments ( 16 )
  • disthing
    9 years ago

    Your best chance of understanding why they rejected you is.... to ASK THEM!

    Do it in a straightforward, polite way, explaining that you're having trouble with your love life and it would help to get an honest insight into why you put people off.

    And you have said previously that you have Aspergers/Autism? This may well be an obstacle in your interactions with people. Those on the Autistic spectrum can seem socially awkward, rude, emotionally detached etc. They might not be as able to 'read' people's emotions, get people's jokes, recognise when a conversation is no longer entertaining or appropriate etc. That could be a contributing factor.

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    • [Old Memory]
      9 years ago

      I do ask which is where I came up with my possible explanations, but often it seems people are afraid of saying what they really think. Sometimes they do give advice, but more often they seem to go around certain topics.

      I am sure Asperger's is why I have this problem and all the traits you mentioned are fitting of my issue with this, but knowing I do those things is only half the challenge.

      I can tell my sensory perceptions and way I process thoughts and emotions is different from how other people describe, but how I am is normal to me.

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  • reminiscent
    9 years ago

    I wanna know what embarrassing behavior ...I can tell you if its a problem or not.

    Ill need an example for how yiu are awkward

    I personally worked at a retirement home so if you repeat yourself I generally just go along with the conversation as if it were tge first time.
    I might say hey we talked about this before after maybe the 5th time lol. But I still will not be irritated with you. Seems trivial.

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    • [Old Memory]
      9 years ago

      I probably wont be the best at pointing out the difference of what I do that is normal vs abnormal.
      I have posted about 500 questions here trying to figure that out myself.

      Everybody has different standards of what is normal or acceptable. As far as I can tell my biggest challenge is not knowing what any ones standards are until they tell me.

      There have been times someone tells me something was inappropriate and I learn to not do it, but I may do something else they say is similar because nobody told me that was inappropriate too, and it did not seem similar to me.

      Personally I think I am just entertaining and have interesting topics.

      The best example I can give of things I do that upset others is stuff like talking about my dui at a meeting or talking about divorce at a wedding and doing things like giving a card that says my deepest sympathies for your loss, because I thought it would be funny.

      Really, those are probably bad examples most people would find amusing, but I tend to unintentionally upset people without knowing why. I really am unable to tell you what I may be doing or if I am even doing anything wrong. That is why I come here to ask in the first place.

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      • reminiscent
        9 years ago

        Well people are complexe and to give you a better answer I would need to get to know you better :)

        From the examples you gave me it seems you enjoy contradictory things. It is amusing for you. Some people just might not get the joke. I think things like in your examples should be avoided until you really get to know someone longer. And you can slowly introduce yourself to them. .. that way they know you are in fact joking and not trying to be insulting.

        I upset people too with my blunt honesty... so I tend to make a friend then tell them not to take it personally that im blunt and generally blurt things out... im the friend that if you walk out and say how do I look? Ill give you my honest answer lol... never cruel tho.
        but ill at least never let you walk out looking like a hot mess.
        I have a friend who says she really appreciates this since she had people lie to her and let her walk around looking a mess.
        So maybe after making the friend ease them into your personality and let them know.

        I hope this was at least somewhat helpful

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      • [Old Memory]
        9 years ago

        Oh, I can think of something that many people have said embarrasses them is how I dress and act in public. I often wear costumes as my regular clothes and tend to talk loudly sometimes.

        Many people like this about me as well but some have said they do not want to be seen with me.

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        • reminiscent
          9 years ago

          I didnt see this when I made my post

          In regards to my post I would be the person that made sure your costume looked hella fine before we went out :P

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  • Shroot
    9 years ago

    Have you tried putting your dick in a kettle?

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    • [Old Memory]
      9 years ago

      What does that mean?

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      • Shroot
        9 years ago

        I don't know how to rephrase that

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        • Lynna
          9 years ago

          I am looking forward to see your rephrase, good luck!

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  • Lynna
    9 years ago

    You want to make female friends only? Obviously I could not give you any advice since I don't know you much. Yet, from what you have said, I can see you are either a confident person or an arrogant person.

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    • [Old Memory]
      9 years ago

      I have both male and female friends, and dont notice anything challenging about casual friends other than we may argue. I seem to not do so well with dating and want to know why, which is why I made this post more about female friends. I am wondering what I said that was arrogant.

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      • Lynna
        9 years ago

        Remember what I have said? I said you are either a confident person or an arrogant person. As the above words you wrote to describe yourself makes me think you are cofident to yourself, but on the other hand, you may overestimate yourself as well. That's why I said that. And the problem you have mentioned about dating I really can't help you as I have no idea about your dating routine.

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        • thegypsysailor
          9 years ago

          Bugs is an arrogant person? Are you shitting me? What does that make you?
          Damn, you are a strange one, that is for sure.

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        • [Old Memory]
          9 years ago

          Am I confident or arrogant? I do not know the answer.
          I base my confidence by my skill.
          I am confident in my musical abilities and my general intelligence. I am confident that I am someone people like because I am good company.
          I am not as confident with my dating skills, because it is not something that usually goes well. Of course I know to fake confidence and not let anything negative show, but I do not see how it is possible to truly have confidence in something that has gone wrong so many times. Confidence is based off of experience and I wouldnt judge someone for their experience, but you do have to go for what you are unsure of. I do think it is a really bad quality when someone refuses to try regardless of what they think, because to not try is the worst guarenteed way to fail.

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