Am i considered asexual, pansexual or something else?

Hello. I have been looking over things, but I have not seen anything reference my specific, let's call them, oddities. I am a young adult male and have been researching sexuality, attractiveness and relationships for a long time due to curiosity and my original desire to be a Psychologist, specifically a family therapist.

The more I delve into it the more curious I am about myself and I realize a few things that seem somewhat abnormal to people. Due to these realizations I am curious of I am truly Pansexual, as I claim, or if I am just Asexual with some dysfunction.

First: Anytime I meet someone I imagine if I can be in a relationship with him/her/em from first introduction. This usually goes with a bit of obsessive fantasizing that, ultimately ends in me deciding the flaws outweigh the benefits and this 'crush' period ends between a week and month. No one have I had an infatuation longer than a month.

Second: I can and do find everyone attractive. Rather than focus on ugliness of someone, I focus on the positives of his/her/eir physical form, and rarely, if even can legitimately say someone is 'ugly'.

Third: I have never been sexually attracted to any real person. I view, read, etc pornography, but most of it is drawn or just stories where I can imagine things myself and do experience arousal and masturbate. I do so frequently, as well, which is within the norm for males my age, but whenever someone else points out how he/she/ey would like to have sex with someone and I am brought with the question 'How about you?' I can only shrug and say, 'Not really...' And when I sexually fantasize without the aid of pornography it will NEVER involve me, but other created, non-real characters for the specific fantasy.

Fourth: I desire a relationship with someone and care not for what he/she/ey is, but who he/she/ey is. I want to be physical, but keep it reserved for whomever I would designate as a 'lover' only. I never hug, kiss, etc friends or even family, and am very reserved in my physical interaction with others. I do fantasize about being with someone and kissing, touching, etc but in all my fantasies of this type it involves a fog of black as if those 'who is this person?' trivia you see in the movie theater. I usually fantasize about one 'person,' but admit to being open to Poly relationships as well, though the preference is a Polyfidelous relationship (One where any involved are with one another, interconnected.)

So! Anyone out there able to share some insight? I have never heard of any such situation, most situations I see are people questioning not being attracted to anyone and deemed Asexual, being attracted to EVERYONE and being designated a Pansexual, or not being attracted to PEOPLE, but attracted to SEX or the thought of sex, which I am pretty sure I do not fall into that category, myself, due to lack of sexual experience/desire.

Asexual 6
Pansexual 2
Pan-Curious 5
Other (Explain) 2
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Comments ( 11 )
  • NoraBaker

    The spectrum between asexuality and pansexuality is quite wide. From what you're saying it seems like so far you cannot be defined as anything but onanist.

    I do not mean to make this person's words my own, but found what she had to say about it interesting enough to direct you there:

    http://zariamedevedeva.blogspot.com.br/2013/01/asexual-pansexual.html?m=1

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    • Jdub

      Interesting article if not a bit harsh. I hadn't an idea of what onanist meant, but I went ahead and checked it up. Of the basest of terms for it... Yes, yes I am as it was stated in the initial comment.

      One thing I'm half-wondering is this normal to have the initial attraction to anyone I am introduced to, fall out of that state and not only not imagine myself sexual with some, but not imagine real persons in fantasies. Any fantasies are strictly with imagined characters, some recurring some not as I have never really read of such occurrences.

      Or... Is it simply a case of me being not 'finding someone(s)'?

      Also: In the case of the article I do consider myself a 'pansexual' due to the idea of me rather enjoying the idea of someone I connect with an I wouldn't mind what they are. The reason why I use 'pan' than 'bi' as argued by the article if we end up finding aliens or intelligent beings I am able to communcate with that are non-human... Why the heck would I restrict myself for the chance of a connection.

      And I think this also is one of the oddities of myself, due to my lack of overt sexual desire as seems normal for others, I am open to the idea of non-sexual people as well, perhaps why fantasies that DO involve myself, don't involve actual sex and involve a 'masked' presence of whom I'm with.

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  • Ace-fishies

    I see this question was posted a while ago and I don't know if you will see this, but I think you may be Panromatic Asexual. This means that you are romantically attracted to anyone (doesn't matter about what gender they are) and don't usually want sex. You could fit under the ace-flux umbrella, which means that sometimes you want sex, but mostly you don't. You could also be demiseuxal, meaning that you only want to have sex with a partner if you have been in a strong, meaningful relationship. I don't know for sure, but that's just my thoughts :)

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  • Avant-Garde

    You sound like a Pansexual person with a low sex drive?

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  • ccjigsaw

    BAM! Me again. Here's a link.

    http://www.asexuality.org/wiki/index.php?title=Demisexual

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    • Jdub

      I appreciate the long-winded-ness of your posts. (Not to be offensive, as you can tell I am long-winded, myself.) I like to get a discussion and ask back and forth and this actually has some interesting insight for me.

      Thank you for the link, perhaps it'll stop having me feel self-conscious and unusually odd. XD

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  • ccjigsaw

    You're not asexual that's for sure. You just sound like a regular person who hasn't found the right person yet.

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    • Jdub

      Is what I described really something regular? I don't mean to be rude or anything, I just am curious because most folks I see have some kind of sexual desire towards others and I rather... Don't.

      As mentioned in my main post when people say they would want to have sex with someone I don't really react the same. In fact, I have had a few friends and associates that when they ask 'well who WOULD you have sex with?' I just draw a rather blank.

      From my observations of the outside world, it just seems my views may be, at least, a wee bit abnormal. That the reason I have posted here, just to develop some kind of discussion to see what I may be, if there is any valid classification.

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      • ccjigsaw

        Well, if you really need a catagory, I'd say Demi-sexual. It's my guess that if a woman walked up to you, and you found yourself interested, but later found out she was a total bitch, you'd be over her in a snap. I think you're the type that actually needs to know somebody before you say you'd "do them." If they were listing biographies you'd likely have a better at choosing who you would choose, because you know who you'd connect with better. "Betty over there is really sweet, she's funny, and easy to get along with. She never pushes to far and loves to make people happy." "Sue. Sue is a whore." "Janette has a rough attitude on the outside, but she has a real soft side too." Not gonna lie, some guys would choose Sue in a heart beat. You sound more like a Betty or Janette kind of guy lol This doesn't mean you'd sleep with any of them, but you might find a girl more interesting and want to get to know her. What's required for demi-sexuality is an emotional connection. And since from your post I can tell you haven't had something like that just yet, that left you confuzed and catagoryless lol Hope you find someone that matches up with you on an emotional level.

        That was a lot to read, sorry :P It's also hypothetical since I don't know you. But if any of that sounds like you, then there yah go! Demi-Sexual.

        Wiki exerpt: person who does not experience sexual attraction unless they form a strong emotional connection with someone.

        There's a lot more to it. Google it some time :)

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        • ccjigsaw

          One more thing, yes I think you're normal. I've never catagorized myself as anything, and I wouldn't say I'm the exact same as you, but I'm similar. I do feel sexual, but I don't look at guys and want to do them. My friends play that game, but I never have. If I find a guy with an amazing personality, I get to know him. If I like what I'm learning, I then feel the urge to be with him. I don't go by looks, like you, I find everyone beautiful in their own way. I go by personality. Not everyone wants to just sleep with someone. I read your whole post, but I think the underlying message in there is that you feel different because you don't want to sleep with random girls. Everything else is you just being picky on her personality. Different forms of fantasy are normal, that's just how your mind chooses to fantasize. I bet if you did meet that perfect someone, they would be who you're thinking of. I just don't think you've found them yet. Once again! Soorryyyyy for the long post. I'm hoping it's insughtful though, I think you and I are probably the same

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  • Terence_the_viking

    1000 island sauce?

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