Am i being unreasonable or are friends too needy?

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5 Comments

I like friendships to be very casual and low maintenence. I don't want anyone to call me on the phone and I don't want anyone coming over more than once every week or 2. I like spending my days doing whatever I want when I want on my own.

I do value having some friends but I just can't spend hardly any time with them. It wears me out mentally to be around people too much. There seems to be this magical amount of time that I can spend around someone where we can have a good time, I can hold conversation and also listen but if it goes in too long I get extremely bothered. If someone calls or comes by too much I begin to hate them for it and often end up either snapping at them or trying to hide from them.

I tell people that I like to be alone most of the time but nobody ever seems to get it. Either they think I don't want them as a friend at all or they don't respect my limited availibility.

Thoughts?

Voting Results
89% Normal
Based on 18 votes (16 yes)
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Comments ( 5 )
  • dirtybirdy
    8 years ago

    That sounds just like me! Two hours is usually my limit then I just want to retreat back to the comfort of my nest. The older I get, the more time I want to spend alone. I enjoy solitude and that's ok. Now go away and leave me alone please.

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    • dirtybirdy
      8 years ago

      Oh, I don't think you're being unreasonable and I don't think your friends are too needy. Just different is all. Some peeps love company all the time, some dont.

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  • Short4Words
    8 years ago

    I didn't even bother going out tonight because I knew it'd end up with me endlessly tapping my foot and drinking myself stupid because of sheer boredom.

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    • empty.heart
      7 years ago

      Same

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  • Koda
    8 years ago

    You're the very definition of an introvert. Most people think introverts have to be closed up and shy 24/7, but in reality, all it takes to be an introvert is to be "drained" by social interaction. Introverts don't want to be alone ALL the time. Everybody needs a little company. But introverts, such as yourself, prefer short meetings with one or two people to partying all night in a loud environment.

    Your friends need to understand that though you do value spending time with them, your first priority is your alone time. Tell them that if they come around too much you start to feel crowded and irritable, and it's not what they're doing to you, it's just your nature. Extraverts, some of whom might be your friends, especially tend to blame themselves if they feel shut out by someone. Make sure you make it clear that you value their friendship and don't want to lose them as a friend, but that you would like to initiate when you feel up to seeing them.

    Make sure that, when you do see a friend, you open up to them, so that your friend feels satisfied that you're on good terms and that you have an open and sharing relationship, because, of course, your friends have their own social needs too. Introverts and extraverts CAN be friends, they just need to completely understand each other's needs. Sharing is all it takes.

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