Am i a psycopath?
I don't know what's wrong with me. I think I match a lot of the "traits and signs" of narcissism here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissism, but I am the the opposite of the "seven sins" listed right below them. I hate myself, have a terrible inferiority complex/imposter syndrome, feel that I have way more than I deserve, and I'm reluctant to ask anyone for anything.
I just cried for an hour and a half (can psychopaths cry?) over the sense that none of my friends would ever ask me to be in their wedding party - that is - that none of my friends consider me a close friend. If I invert it though, I don't know that I consider many of the same to be close friends. I want them to be my friends, but I don't see them as such. Do I unconsciously expect more than I give?
I feel an obligation rather than an emotional attachment. I think that's true of most of my relationships. I love my mother and my fiance because they love me. I don't know that I'm sure what it means to love them otherwise. Everything I 'feel' feels like a chess game, like it's a mechanical response to stimulus and not something secret and internal and human. It makes me feel like some kind of unfeeling psychopath, and yet I'm incredibly depressed and I don't think I fit any of the other characteristics (e.g. aggression, ambition, lying, manipulation, criminality, etc.). Am I some specific breed of psychopath? Is there something else to describe someone who just doesn't 'feel' but who wishes he could? WTF?