Am i a broken, messed up person? iin?

79% Normal
6 Comments

I started asking myself this question more and more lately so I though I might aswell ask on IIN.

Long story short, I was abandoned by my father when I was around 8 years old ( I am 19 now ), and I havent talked to him since then.He found himself another familly, and the girl he was taking of care now and treating her as his daughter was going to my middle school and I saw him only a few times when he was picking her up.
My mother tried to raise me as good as she could but she had to work a lot so we would have money, and she was under a lot of stress since father left us, and she would sometimes lash out at me like telling me "it was best if I had never been born", she felt very sorry after that and she probably thinks I dont remember it, but I do unfortunately.

I have mostly gone through my life by myself and taking care of myself.
I dont have a brother nor sister, and I dont believe in God, and I have scored top of my class a lot of times, and I have been praised by the teachers as a excelent student and as someone who should serve as an example to others.

My way of thinking is very difrrent however sometimes from my peers and friends, and they dont understand my thoughts sometimes.I mostly think only rationally and logically, leaving out emotions when making decisions.I like taking charge and being dominant in interations with people. I also lie quite often when I think about it, even though I deny it to myself over and over again.(sometimes I just simply convince myself that what I am telling is true)

There are usually girls that like me and are interested in me, but i never seem to be interested in a relathionship with them even tohugh they might make me happy over time; I would say I am avoiding relathionships because I simply think I dont deserve to be happy even though I want to be.

I also have issues trusting people and I never really had a stable, long-term relathionship.

And I can have quite big mood swings, one moment I am all cheered up and the other I am almost in a state of a despair.

I was told I am not normal several times, but I always simply replay with " if you were me, you wouldnt be either".

is it normal ?

Voting Results
79% Normal
Based on 19 votes (15 yes)
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Comments ( 6 )
  • gummy_jr
    10 years ago

    You're not messed up. You were abandoned which ruined your trust in people. The one man; your father-- that should have been there for you, left. Unfortunately when that shit happens, it has that sort of effect.

    Like I said; you're not messed up, you just have a dampened trust.

    Oh and I think you DO deserve to be happy.

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    • [Old Memory]
      10 years ago

      Yes i agree, just open yourself up to happiness and life will get better.

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  • Anime7
    10 years ago

    You're not messed up and like gummy_jr said you deserve to be happy just as much as anybody else.

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  • missesawesome
    9 years ago

    i think you should probably check your mental health with a personality test that you can find in a barns and noble. You seem pretty detached and i think you should check your mental state because (im going out on a limb here) i take interest in things like sociopaths and physcopaths although im not a professional and you seem to lacking in the emotional aspects of things so yea if you decide to check into your mental health can you tell me how it went and what u found?

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  • ThatCreepyWhiteGuy
    10 years ago

    Kicking your dads ass would probably make you feel better.

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  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    That sucks. I'm sorry you went through all of that. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy.

    That being said...there are probably near a million who have been raised in similar situations.

    Parents make mistakes too. The fact that your mom owned up to her misplaced words, and apologized, shows that she didn't mean it...and I think you know that. In all honesty...you probably mean the world to her, and it most likely eats on her to this day that she said those things.

    Your dad's obviously selfish...again, like millions of others. Write that one off.

    My opinion? Own it. Wear it like a badge.

    I think you need to quit trying to blame your feelings and actions on someone else. Allow yourself to be happy. You deserve the same respect as every other human being. You're as valuable as anyone else on this planet...but again, I think you know that.

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