Advice: should i give a handicapped guy-virgin a sympathy-fuck?

20 Comments

Dear IIN,

i am in a situation where i'm unsure of how to act. I am living in a open relationship with my female partner(also female), but do have intercourse with men now and then.

Now, one of my better male friends, and a former neighbour, is in a wheelchair(from birth). He's a real nice and charming guy, and enjoys life as best as he can. Now, i was never really interested in his sex life, but still, when we were out recently, the topic came up. It turns out he's still a virgin. He would like to have sex, but he'd feel stupid having his first time with a hooker or escort. As in, the first time should be with someone to remember. The most that ever "happened" was that a female student that lived in his flat on sublease(is that the word? one room that she paid for and a little help in the flat) gave him a handjob when she was drunk.
Now, he KNOWS i have a partner, i only love girls, and that i sometimes have ONS with other man. When he explained that part about "the first time should be with someone special" i said in jest "yeah, someone like me, right?" and he was looking at me for a moment silently and then nodding slowly, saying "yeah, someone like you. I'm looking for a memory to cherish here, not a relationship."
Ever since then, i didn't really get this out of my mind. It's like, i'd be willing to do this, for him. I'm just not sure if that would really be so uncomplicated. If we can still just be friends, if he'll be content with hookers afterwards or will try and convince me to do it again, and again...you know, i'm just unsure if it'll work out, but the fact he's still a virgin really seems to be a serious deal for him.

So what do you think, should i go ahead and do him this favor? Or is it the wiser thing not to?

By all means, yes, spend a night with him. 326
No, he will get emotionally attached regardless. 34
No, it will ruin your friendship, he'll try for sex again... 36
I really don't know., but lean towards yes. 69
I really don't know, but lean towards no. 27
Other: I'll comment. 9
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Comments ( 20 )
  • lc1988
    12 years ago

    I really don't see the problem unless your partner would get angry.

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    • captblood44
      9 years ago

      @terryvie: listen to this guy. yes.

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  • Ono
    12 years ago

    Hmmmm

    You know yourself best, but it doesn't seem like this would affect your side of the relationship. It might affect his though, even if he thinks it wont. Sex can change things in ways we don't realise beforehand, especially for someone who has never experinced it. If he understands this then...maybe?

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    • TerryVie
      12 years ago

      hehe, yes, that's kind of my worries and thoughts summed up nice and tidy, worded efficiently. of course, in the end it's my decision, but i was hoping people bringing up points here may sway me into one direction or the other- either by reinforcing or dispersing my reservations-it's nice though to see you understood the point, but are as "maybe" as i myself feel about it-

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  • wigsplitz
    12 years ago

    Watch out, this might be a habit for him. He might do this with a lot of girls...play on the sympathy, say he's a virgin, and get free sex. I don't know, I don't know the guy, but I've definitely, DEFINITELY seen more than one guy I know do this sort of thing to girls.

    Anyway, besides that, if you're friends with him it probably won't end at a one time thing (for him anyway), he'll probably try to do it again or things will be weird between you two, so it's probably not a good idea unless you're moving away or something and won't be seeing him again.

    I vote NO, don't do it-I think it will be a disaster for one reason or another. If you still want to help him out, maybe try to hook him up with a friend or something. Or just go out to the bars with him, have a good time, and try to get a random-but cool-chick from the bar to do him. If it doesn't work in one bar visit, become regulars somewhere for a week or so and worm your way into some girl's heart. Pretend it's his birthday or something.

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    • TerryVie
      12 years ago

      Hm, as to the first part: Thanks for the warning, but i don't really think so. I've known him for several years...if that was his "plan" i should either have seen it happen or he'd have made a move on me WAY earlier. As said, i never was really interested in his sexuality, but in retrospect, it is rather believable.

      As for the latter part: I don't really think it's much of an option. If i try to hook him up with a mutual friend, i would just pass this problem on to her, if a person that doesn't know him, they have no reason to help him...and it would be no different than if i paid a escort to hook up with him.

      The middle part of your post, thats what i'm afraid of. I know it's also true to an extent for many girls, but guys just seem to handle such things...weirdly. And i'm not sure if he's different-

      I was also thinking about the going out part and being his sidekick, but well, actively trying and failing may be a bad experience, and while we do keep contact regulary, he's living a bit too far away to make this into a very intense thing without it being a SERIOUS chore. I had considered trying to do this just when options present themselves when we are going out anyway, and _IF_ his (real) birthday comes around without success, "gifting" myself for a night- in hopes that if it's in connection with something special(like birthday) he'll not even consider trying for it "regular". It's like, if he asks for this once a year as a birthday thing, i can live with that...as long as the rest of the year we can be normal friends.

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  • zoltan9000B
    9 years ago

    I have come to the conclusion that the young woman asking this question is either an American, is mentally retarded or has the maturity of a very dim 14 year old. Why do you people always associate physical disability with inherant sympathy & pity? what is it with you? I am a 40 year old man who was born paralysed from the waist down, have my own home, my own car, an ablebodied partner for 13 years and a job. PLEASE, i didnt catch your name but for Christ sake grow up and act your age - realize that being in a wheelchair doesnt mean vunerability or an inherant need to sympathize you silly little girl. MACK

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  • captblood44
    9 years ago

    YES. DO IT. DO IT. DO IT. you would be a saint. you do ONS? thats for you, but this would be for you and him. DO IT! PLEASE and personal message me, so i can high five you :)

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  • Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress
    12 years ago

    "Now, he KNOWS i have a partner, i only love girls, and that i sometimes have ONS with other man."

    I'd say talk to your partner first. Who knows maybe she can join in and give him a really special night.

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    • TerryVie
      12 years ago

      na. While i appreciate the good idea, she had a darker history with man than me.
      She also takes advantage of the open nature of our relationship, but exclusively with other girls.
      From experience the absolute most she would do is sit there and watch, and i'm not exactly sure that would "improve" his first time- ;)

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  • nAt2017
    12 years ago

    I don't think you should. You owe it to him not to give him a "sympathy fuck." He deserves respect, not for people to pity him.

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    • captblood44
      9 years ago

      @terryvie: don't listen to this guy.

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  • DolphinAngel
    12 years ago

    I'm unsure because I'm not the best one to give advices for relationships I never had and maybe never will... but anyway, I tend to say "No" because you shouldn't just sleep with someone out of sympathy but out of love... but you can try to "get him a girlfriend/ help him get a girlfriend"

    To sum up sleeping with him won't be satisfying for you and it may give him the feeling you want more so he wants more and that could bring danger to your friendship!

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      12 years ago

      hm, i see what you mean...the thing is: i'm fine with this probably not being satisfying for me in any way. that never was a problem.

      also as said, we live in an open relationship, and when i do "it" with men, i do it out of hornyness, not love or sympathy. So i suppose you could say i'm beyond redemption on that one...i'm a dirty enough girl to not go on "new grounds" with having sex without feelings.

      but as said, i AM afraid of him wanting to have this as a repetitive thing...and i wouldn't like him to turn this friendship into a "everytime we meet i'll try to talk you into sex"-thing...been there, didn't like it, and all men seem to kind of have a switch in their brain...as in: "if something happened once, no matter the circumstances, it can always happen again, so lets try with the persistancy of a duracell bunny to get it to happen again!"
      thanks for your advice-

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      • captblood44
        9 years ago

        explain to the dude, its a one night stand. one time. repeat again. but, not on the night you do it. don't say it that night.

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      • Diver2
        10 years ago

        Are you really that great? Somehow I doubt it. You should write stories like someone suggested.

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      • Shackleford96
        12 years ago

        Props on the Duracell bunny comment. Lol.

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  • Aleks85
    12 years ago

    Don't fuck anybody you don't love. That's my word. Abide by it.

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    • captblood44
      9 years ago

      you think she loves her ONS? really? did you read what she said

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    • Diver2
      10 years ago

      Good advice.

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