Advice on love?

56% Normal
6 Comments

I'm in love with the most amazing young man in the world. We've known each other since sixth grade, here it is seven years later and the feeling has never died. I love him to the ends of the universe, and nothing could change that. He's there to comfort me, wipe my tears away. He makes me feel something other than self-pity and self loathing. He makes me feel normal.

I remember the first time I noticed him, in sixth grade. We were in choir together and he played the piano, but when he opened his mouth my entire world shifted. That nerdy little boy had the most beautiful voice. Turned out he was just such a good person too.

Over the years we kind of drifted apart. We reconnected in 11th grade, and became good friends again, better friends. I loved him more than I ever did, I'm crazy about him. Our senior year I imagined him asking to be my boyfriend, we would graduate together, get married one day, we'd have a home and a couple of kids. He wanted to speak to me alone, I got excited. He told me he had something important to tell me..

He's gay.

I love this young man to pieces. He's in college now, a few hours away. I support his life and everything he does. I listen when he tells me his sexual exploits with other men. I play along to his fantasy of us being 'girlfriends' and talking about hot guys. God, it hurts so much. I try to tell myself to move on, he's nothing to offer but friendship. It's been a year now and I love him so much that I just want to scream it at him, but if I do we'll lose what we have and I can't handle losing the one person that makes me feel human. When will the pain go away? When can I accept that he doesn't love me like I love him?

Voting Results
56% Normal
Based on 32 votes (18 yes)
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Comments ( 6 )
  • Pastafarian
    9 years ago

    I'm a firm believer that there is a big difference between loving somebody, and being inlove with somebody. Being inlove means the feeling is mutual, and trust me, its a lot more painful to have once been inlove and to have lost it. Its a lot easier to move on with your life when somebody doesn't love you back because well, there's not much else you can do. Like it or not, you will eventually. Move on because what else can you do? Love or whatever you're feeling towards him will only last so long before it dies out because love is a flame that needs to be kept alive by two people. One sided love or attraction always dies out when the feeling isn't returned.

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  • Avant-Garde
    9 years ago

    I once fell madly in love with a friend of line that turned out to be gay... Needless to say, it Resulted in heart break. I pined so many years after. My other friends kept telling me that he was gay and I was wasting my time, but I didn't want to believe it. It didn't help that he would send me mixed signals. Anyway, somehow, I managed to get over him. Stranger things have happened, but it isn't common (at least that I know of) for a gay person to go straight/bi for one person. I'm saying this so you won't get your hopes up. I know that I hurts, but it isn't worth the struggle. My friend and I had so much in common and a connection, but I think it is safe to say, that it wasn't meant to be. I thought he was my soulmate too... I think that most if not all of my feelings are gone for him. I don't love him anymore and this is a good thing. (Sorry if I went on a tangent!)

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  • Petrichor.
    9 years ago

    I'm not sure if the pain will ever completely go away, but I think the only time you'll feel better is when you find someone who makes you feel the same, or very close to the way he makes you feel.

    I can imagine how hard and painful it is to be in your situation, although I've never been there myself, and I'm truly sorry for you!

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  • Faceless
    9 years ago

    GROW UP!

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    • Petrichor.
      9 years ago

      OR GROW DOWN?

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  • Shackleford96
    9 years ago

    I think you need to talk to him about this. Tell him exactly how you feel. Just like you've told us here. He may or may not reciprocate (probably not, sorry), but you need to do this anyway because you sound like you need some closure. You obviously want something to change...

    In my own personal experience, I've not been able to get over someone like that unless I didn't see them anymore. Complete separation. That's the sad, cold-hard truth. The way that I see it, you can either:

    1. Not tell him, remain friends, and continue to suffer by pining/lusting after this guy who doesn't return those same feelings to you (trust me, that's a very lonely and depressing place to put yourself in).

    or

    2. You can tell him.

    He will either reciprocate or he will not. It's as simple as that. If he does not reciprocate, then things will no doubt change between you two. However, it will be better in the long run. Initially, you will hurt for a while. Rejection hurts, that's a fact. Eventually, time will heal you. You'll get over your hurt for him. Once that happens, you can start focusing on you and the things that make you happy. Once you are happy with/by yourself, then you will be able to find someone to be happy with together.

    Happiness truly does come from within though, you just have to discover it for yourself.

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