Absence of father

42% Normal
6 Comments

hi. i am 26 male. i have a problem i am not sure of. can you help out please. my father was still in college since i was born till i was 5 years old. he came home on vacations for one month every year. i lived at my maternal grandfathers house with my mom and her brother's family. at age five, i went to a boarding school. my uncles took me to school with their children. and as i grew older my father was always posted to different places. i stayed with my mom. i also was the intellectual type at school and got first all the time though i have left it. i always felt insecure in school. and am still insecure. i dont know myself. i am the eldest male child but cant take up the responsibilities. i am socially phobic. emotionally suppressed and confused. i cannot get into relationships. i become cynical and start to doubt when i face relationships . i started finding difficulties in doing manly things, i went into drugs. and am totally lost and confused in everything. i never grew up mentally and emotionally, i cannot think of my father as a role model and feel guilty, i always change myself, ialways tried to stay away from parents in my teens and early adulthood, i started hating them, i always look and compare with others. i compare my father with my uncles all the time and become dissatisfied though he is very intellectual. i have become feminine in nature since i stayed with my mom but my instincts wont allow me that. does it make any sense or am i just over exaggerating things? IIN?
thanks

Voting Results
42% Normal
Based on 24 votes (10 yes)
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Comments ( 6 )
  • randomjelly
    12 years ago

    It sounds like you use it as a crutch. I was raised by my mother, never touched drugs, never any trouble and I turned out to be a lesbian. So your mention of "feminine" is just who you are. Hate to break it to you and strip you of your excuse....but...yeah.

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  • Riddler
    10 years ago

    This has absolutely nothing to do with your father. Just so you know. Many people have these type of issues and these type of insecurities are not always caused by an absent parent. You blame this all on your father but present nothing which would correlate to him being gone causing it. Cynicism happens when you realize the truth of the world.

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  • NothingxCrazy
    12 years ago

    Not every male needs to act like societies idea of one. You're normal, you just need to be open minded. Cynicism happens to young people more than you'd think. Once you realize you're completely sick of it, just tell yourself to enjoy life. You can control your mind with a flick of a switch as long as you know WHY. Why are you cynical, why are you afraid of being social, why are you confused? Drugs are a way to suppress the way you feel. You're only hiding your real problems with them. Go find yourself and you'll be happy.

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  • Mc100983
    12 years ago

    I totally understand. Everyone is different and there are hardly enough details provided here to say "you used it as a crutch". Now that you are aware (b/c this IS a hard pill to swallow), get to know YOU. One day at a time. Then you will discovery those things that fulfill the YOU in the NOW. I'm learning that at some point, love and happiness start with SELF. It won't be easy, but the journey will be worth it. As for the feminine thing, use it to your advantage later on... A right woman will adore a man who has truely experienced a few things. You will he able to connect with her on a level beyond love and friendship. Hang in there, it will get better if you want it badly enough :)

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  • UliNalaMansae
    12 years ago

    Parents are essential when it comes to emotional growth and forming relationships into your later life. You said is this normal? Yes. Most definitly its NORMAL to feel this way since you probably hardly knew them especially at a critical age, whether its a good thing is irrelevant. Its completely understandable that youd feel this way about your family and how you-lets say- 'turned out' I'm also not going to offer any advice because you dont want it. But all you said was is this normal. Yes it is that youd probably end up feeling this way, or that your mindset on relationships is a negative one and yes its normal that you are socially awkward. Your apparent feminity is something you should be less worried about mind you.

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  • onelove1121
    12 years ago

    During the end of my High School career my parents got divorced and I too seemed to become socially awkward, depressed, and had many things running through my head. Just as you did I started using drugs. Eventually I kinda hit rock bottom and had to make a change. The one thing I can say is don't overthink things in your head, usually that is just going to bring you down. If you learn to take things slow, keep them under your control, and have a positive mind set you tend to be fine. Look on the bright side of life and try and find a hobby or something that helps you relax and feel good.

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