A normal reaction to an abnormal life

In retrospect, most of my childhood was atypical, but it was probably as happy and fun as most others were. But I learned some hard truths at a VERY early age. On the day I was born, the doctors found a tumor in my mom's brain. I can't remember a time when I didn't know about Mom's tumor/didn't know Mom was sick.

When I was four I woke up to the sound of my just-home-from-the-hospital baby sister screaming at the top of her lungs. I'd heard her cry before, obviously, but this was different. I got up and left my room. I saw Mom laying on the kitchen floor. I thought... well, I BELIEVE I thought my mom had dropped my sister on the floor and was down there trying to pick her back up. I ran in to help/see what was going on/for some reason and saw that Mom was shaking, drooling on the floor, making noises like she was about to vomit. Her eyes were wide open, but she didn't respond when I walked up to her. My sister was next to her, face up and wailing.

That's all I remember about the scene. The next thing I remember is sitting on the couch in the living room. My mom walked out of my sister's room, looking and sounding more tired than I had ever seen her. She asked if I had wet the bed and I tried to tell her she fell and dropped my sister in the kitchen. She looked confused and said something else about potty training, then went to bed.

Memory goes blank again until my dad comes home. I'm not sure how much time had passed, but I was still sitting on the couch. Dad goes in to check on my sister, then comes out and asks why she was sleeping in the baby-doll crib. I say that I put her there after Mom fell in the kitchen. (Mom told me later that she woke up in my sister's crib. I can't remember, but my dad still believes that I put Mom there, too).

Dad rushes to check on Mom and I think he calls someone to watch my sister and I while he takes Mom to the hospital. When they come home, they apologize and tell me what a great job I did. Then they teach me how to dial 911 in case anything like that happens again.

Now, I know that's not normal (I HOPE that's not normal) but at the time I thought it was. I remember telling people that I learned to dial 911 after Mom had a seizure. The only thing that upset me was that I didn't know how to use the phone before it happened. I thought that that was the REASON kids were taught how to dial 911. So they could do something in case any of their parents had something bad happen to them.

Since my mom died, I've been thinking about these things a lot, and it's been hard to accept that my life really was that depressing. I remember being sad a lot, and scared, but mostly I remember having fun going with Mom to get her blood work done. Looking forward to taking trips to the hospital with her. Mom made it fun for my sister and I. It's only now, looking back, that it scares me.

So, now that you have some context, here's my question;

Am I reacting to my abnormal childhood in a normal way?

Voting Results
85% Normal
Based on 54 votes (46 yes)
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Comments ( 8 )
  • thegypsysailor

    You seem to be doing quite well, if you can discuss it with the frankness and clarity that you did.
    My mom was quite insane, but as her husband, my dad, was a surgeon, she was able to stay home under his care.
    Many, many things my mom did made absolutely no sense to me growing up and even as an adult she would do odd things like calling me at 3AM and chiding me for not sending a birthday card to her 4 years previously.
    At times during my youth, she would disappear for a few weeks/months; these were "visits" to the mental institution when things got so bad dad couldn't handle her.
    I didn't find any of this out until I was in my 30's; I just didn't understand my mom and I thought I was doing something wrong.
    At least you knew what was going on and you did not blame yourself for that over which you had no control. Remember the good times and have a great life, which is what I'm sure, she would have wanted for you.

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  • Shoefish

    I think so. It would have been hard for you to comprehend at such a young age, especially since you'd never known any different. Now that you do, it would definitely be scary to look back on! You must have had a very brave and loving mother for her to make the hospital trips so fun for you. I'm really sorry for your loss.

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  • Caryopteris

    Your reaction is normal. You coped as a child would, not knowing what is supposed to happen, but this is what happened and this is how you responded. You did well and you have nothing to feel bad about.

    I'm sure you think everybody else had it normal, like Leave It To Beaver or the Brady Bunch. Not so much.

    I remember my mom always seeming to be tired and depressed, even though she didn't allow herself a pity party. Christians don't get depressed! Except she always seemed full of despair. My dad had a decent job, but unfortunately they had four kids and the budget was tight and we didn't get to do much fun stuff. Mom was too tired anyway it seemed. When I was 14 or so, she was having lots of abdominal pain. Dad was away on a business trip and she called the doctor's office, but the receptionist or nurse told her that no, the doctor couldn't see her for another tummy ache. They had sent her to a gynecologist, who said she was fine and it was all in her head. No it wasn't fine. She almost died because it was her intestines, not her female parts. Her friend who was a nurse came by to check on her, which she had never done before! She realized she had a hot abdomen and got her doctor on the phone and yelled at him that he was an idiot and my mom needed to be in the ER. So mom went to the hospital and had surgery but almost died from the infection. Dad had to come home from his business trip halfway around the world. She lived, but it was strange to realize at such a young age that doctors can be lazy and unhelpful or stupid, and we really have to watch out for ourselves.

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    • ::Turned out longer than I meant it to. Long story short, thank you. Your comment means a lot to me. Every comment here does, but you're the first I've been able to respond to. It's been a year on all the others so I don't think I'll reply at this point. Yours didn't show up for me until today for some reason, but a month's a short enough time, I think::

      Heh, for a long time I did think people had Brady Bunch and Beaver childhoods. Then last year, a friend told me she found out her Dad was cheating on her Mom with other men. I had always been sort of jealous of her because her family seemed, well, perfect. I'm not exactly happy about it, but it does help to know that life screws everybody over. My friend and I are closer for it.

      Thank you for sharing your Mom story. I don't really talk about, well... any of this in real life. Just to my Dad and my sister. Sometimes. The older I get, the more I wish I could ask people what it was like with their Mom's when they were younger, and... I'm especially curious about what it's like to have one when you've grown up. I just don't know how to bring that up.

      My Mom... I didn't know her long. She died when I was 15, and she wasn't exactly herself for that final year... She was always smiling and happy when she could be. Had an amazing sense of humor. Even voted class clown in High School :) But when she got angry, she got REALLY angry. Once, after her first brain surgery (that I can remember), she pulled up her hair and showed me the staples keeping her scalp on as a way to force me into doing my homework. Said she had enough to worry about without me messing up in school... School had always been an issue with my parents... I can only imagine what she must have been going through to blow up like she used to. When you're young, all you really know is that your parents are angry at you. The cancer thing was normal for me, so I didn't connect the dots. It's obvious now that they were both using me to vent their frustrations.

      It's scary to learn that someone like a Doctor either can't or won't do anything to help you. Doctors were just names to me, (I'd be there for blood tests, but I was stuck in the waiting room for anything more serious) so I didn't really have that revelation until I was much older. It's hard to trust a regular person when someone like that lets you down. I'm so glad your Mom made it through okay. A "tummy-ache" though, my god... We'd be in the same boat if your Mom's friend hadn't been there. I'm so glad they got their act's together to help her before it was too late.

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  • peterr

    You are doing very well.

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  • chuy

    Seemed like a lot for a kid your age to deal with stuff like that and you 've dealt prerty well with it. No worries you did all you could at such a tender age.

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  • Aurora93

    I think it's slightly strange that you're so bothered about something that didn't bother you much at the time, but I've never had an experience like that so I'm in no way an expert. Just a regular person with an opinion.

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    • BlueAlice

      It clearly did bother OP at the time but they didn't have the capacity to realise due to being a kid

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