A manly self n a womanly self in one combined! is it schizophrenia?
First of all, just to be clear,no genderism/gayness/gender identity/any liberal cr@ps as such. I'm a man in my 20s, a little quirky, a bit cynical, but always faithful in God. When I'm at work, I like to dress up neatly in plaid shirt, blue jeans and cowboy boots at summer or a pinstripe suit at winter with my hair slicked back even though I've got no one significant to impress. I live alone in an apartment of my parents with no financial pressure of rent or utility bills - but also almost no social life either except a bible study group. Usually I'm taciturn unless the topic is something I'm interested in. As a fan of Steve Jobs, I'm a vegetarian - to whom dairy and eggs are ok, though, meat and seafood are off limits.
And speaking of which, that's where my "issues" kicked in. Although everyone sees me as a man and in all my life I feel attracted to pretty women and NEVER to any man, most of my recreational activities in my spare time are typically a woman's. For example -
- Music: I love listening to classic slow-tempo country love songs by Faith, Carrie, Martina, Trisha and many others. Never have I been a fan of rock n roll or the "bro-country" lately. And rap and pop laden with sex in the lyrics are totally abhorrent to me. Even noisy, I'd say.
- TV and Movies: I don't waste much time on those lately, but I used to spend hours with my eyes glued to the screen, while on it was either a soapy opera - namely, Nashville, the Good Wife, Once Upon a Time - or some silly "chick flick" if it's a movie. Sometimes I watch Foxnews, but any kind of sports is just repellent.
- Reading: Gotta admit, I'm a sinner with Lust. Although, thanks to God, I find most porno videos so disgusting that makes me wanna puke, oftentimes I 'd like to read some "romanticized" porno books - yeah, 50 Shades, which would be perfect if the kinky BDSM parts and all the cursing words were censored. I'm just into this "white knight saving a damsel in distress" kind of stories and I have no idea why.
- Lifestyle: Uh, finally, this is something productive and bringing to me a sense of achievement! I cook and bake - yep, I collect recipe, watch tutorial videos, shop for the ingredients and make yummy meals all by myself like a housewife! And many websites I browse are about health, nutrition, diet and so on. For the cooking part, I make mashed potato, pancakes, casserole, pasta and a variety of salads; my bakery includes apple pie, apple turnover and a few kinds of cookies, and of course, I'm always exploring new desserts. Take this checkerboard cookies for example, it's very time-consuming to prepare two different doughs and assemble them into this pattern, but I've just got all the patience and passion that it takes to have it done from scratch! Well, perhaps this has something to do with my cynical conservative views as I lay more trust in me myself than professional food providers who allegedly add toxic chemicals in our food.
Perhaps I've got more "symptoms" like these but I'm not aware of yet. Deep down, my motive is that I'm following the Lord's command that man shall "eat herbs of the field and in sweat of your face you shall eat bread." It's good that I eat the fruit of my own labor - literally, but I'm sure those verses are more than just their face value.