"you dream of ice cream.... i dream of fear!"

Ever since I was little, the teachers and students at my school said I had a "funny" atmosphere about me. I have ADD, artistic and blunt, and I was VERY emotionally sensitive. So when I got bullied I reacted right back and would beat up the other kids that picked on me. And if they ran away from me I would chase them, And I liked it. I liked the feeling of CHASING other kids, it was as if I was a lion hunting down a gazelle, and when I caught them I would scratch them and make animal noises. Teachers thought I was a freaky wild child. I didn't care. I ended up bullying the same kids who bullied me, and I hold onto a deep grudge for most of my life. And it got worse in high school.

In my group of friends I would great them by.... slapping them in the face or kicking them really hard and even grab their faces and shake them.( this behavior was only shown to the guys in the group) As for girls I mostly slapped them or grabbed the scruff of their neck and would shake them. But I was only gentle to animals. In fact I don't really like humans, Id rather just live with a bunch of animals in my house than socialize with humans.

The thing is...I allways got this "high" from inflicting fear on people that I hated. I loved it when they cried in pain and begged me to stop. And if people were to afraid to sit next to me I LOVED it. I loved being feared. It made people avoid me. And when people get close to me I shut them out and scream at them, I notice that I become a completely different person, I scream at them and tell them " you shouldn't trust me! Im a messed up person and I hate you!"

I don't know what this even is, but the one thing Im trying to get my head around, is why I want to kill people that are having sex. If two people were "doing it" in front of me I would actually attack them.

Is this normal?