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The bathroom is right next to the bedroom, she tells me to do it at work because the smell wakes her up. She sleeps in until 10 or so because of no job. Also I have to pee sitting down because of the noise.
She doesn't seem to give a shit about your feelings and is treating you like a wimpy slave. I suggest ditching her and finding a woman who actually cares for you!
I would eat the hottest curry for lunch and dinner, followed by as much liquid I could possible take. Try and keep it in as much as you can til morning, wake up early have a large cup of coffee and let your gut blast that toilet. Fucking don't flush and leave all the doors open so your bitch gets the full flavour.
Have you evwr considered giving your wife a good slap to her face so she knows what is what? She is not the boss...you are the boss.
Close the toilet door & light a candle before you shit & leave it burning, then put lid down immediately afterwards: if she doesn't want you to flush because it wakes her up then don't flush, let her deal with having to flush when she gets up.
As for peeing sitting down, how would she know what you're doing in there?
I'm interested to know just how she "doesn't let you" - she has a gun or what?
Personally, I think interfering in someone else's toilet habits is about as big an invasion of privacy as I can think of and not being comfortable to take a shit in your own home when you need to could have medical consequences.
Lol this doesn't even make sense. Taking a wazz sitting down makes sound too.
I think you should listen to her because she might not give you sex if she gets mad.
WTF it is your house. You pay the bills. You can take a S**t in any bathroom in that house.
Shit in the backyard with the dogs. Howl at the moon while you're at it.
You should shit inside her pillow, that way she'll always be smelling crap and will never know when you shat and when you didn't.