is it normal to not be able to stand your step daughter

In the very beginning I thought my step daugher was such a sweet young girl and I thought we would be close and have a great realationship. She was 14 when we met and now she is 20...5 years of pure hell. I tried so hard to be good to her and then started to notice at about 15 years old how she would act when she visited us. She would take off crying out of the house and my husband would chase her, then she would hold his hand and play with it tracing on it and all the while looking at me and hang all over him. She would say mean things to me and be very jabby but have a smile on her face. She told me around that same time that she should be a actress and I asked her why and she said because she can cry anytime she wants and everytime her mother sent her to see her dad she would cry to make her think she hated coming to see him. When my husband took her back to her Mom she cried the whole way and he felt horrible...she plays on his guilt and knows exactly what she is doing... All the while telling us horror stories about her Mother and if her mother only knew the things she has said about how she has treated her i bet she would die. My husband hates her so he believes everything his daughter says so now she uses her Mom to play victim for so many things. When she was 18 i got her a scholarship through my company and she had a band scholarship too...when she came in for Christmas she was telling us how hard her classes are and working and going to school was so hard (we were paying rent on her apt) so I told her i needed her transcript to hand into work so my company could send the money to her college....she would never send it and never send it, so finally I called the college to have them fax it over and found out she dropped out of school three weeks into it. She lies with such ease and has lied about so many things it didn't really suprise me at all.

I tried to talk to her a year ago and asked her to tell me the truth about everything and admit to all of her lies and I could start fresh with her. She called her Dad crying and said that I was horrible to her and the only thing she has ever lied about was school. Pointless to even try with her....

She also accused her mother and step dad of sexual abuse but then took it back a week later ...she said she did it because she was so mad at her mother...she told my husband she is crazy so then he was more concerned with that then what she did..also, she told him the reason she dropped out of school was because she checked herself into mental hospital..no proof was provided on that one...I at that point did not feel comfortable having her in my home and she is not allowed to stay with us until she proves herself to be trusted...she could do all kinds of hurt on me if she wanted..she could plant drugs or hit herself and say I did it..who knows..I have had to go to counseling over this girl and just went yesterday again because I am trying to deal with it the best that I can...

I called the hospital where she says the works and talked to human resources and guess what...they have never heard of her. she will tell my husband how sorry she is and she will do anything to get me back in her life, but she does this to make me the bad guy. I don't know what to do at this point...she is the kind of person that has no feelings and does not feel bad when she does something wrong...lies with no problem. I cannot stand the thought of having to deal with her.

My mother in law is dying from cancer and now my step daughter decides to come and see her this weekend finally and even my mother in law says she knows she is coming to cause trouble and she does not care about her and she thinks her grandaughter just wants her car. My sister in law see the same things in my step daughter and her daughter won't have anything to do with her own cousin because of all the trouble she caused in her life. No to mention my whole family took her in and she caused trouble there too and now they don't have anything to do with her.
I feel bad for my husband and can't imagine how he feels knowing his daughter is like this, but he also never holds her accountable for anything she has ever done. after she lied about school we told her no more money from us until you prove yourself, but he would not have done that without me in his life. She also told us she was paying for the apt (after we cut her off from money) we were paying every month while she was going to school, but it turns out she was not and we got stuck with 1200.00 from a collection agency because my husband co signed. I am just so angry at her and my husband believes she is working where she said she is and believes everything she says...who knows what she is really up to..we live a few states appart. Anyway, this has put a strain on my marriage and his daughter would love nothing more then to see it end. I really think she is a sociopath. she quotes things from the bible all the time on facebook and it is so insane. I hope my husband and I make it through all of this...he is the love of my life and I know I am his also...I think she is very jealous of me and has it out for me...I really tried with her and wanted nothing more than to have a daughter in my life, but that does not look like its going to happen.

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Based on 64 votes (40 yes)
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Comments ( 14 )
  • WitchesBrew

    I'd definitely convince your Husband to take an un-announced trip to visit her. Make sure he sees the importance to keep it a secret (even if you have to make up a reason for it to be secret other than snooping). This girl needs to be caught red handed so to speak. She won't get much further in life the way she's going and Daddy won't be around forever. the sooner she's put in her place, the better, for everyone involved! Good luck.

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    • Hootie

      I agree 100% that he should do that and the counseler has told him the same thing....he just wont' do it ..I think he would rather not deal with it either, but at this point she is taking money from his Dad he needs to put her in her place. Thanks for the reply!

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  • observ4fun

    I am in a similar situation. I often wish I had not married until the step child was out of the picture. But, the sad part, they never are. As long as the money is flowing, they never leave.

    My advise, remember you are important and your life/happiness is important too. Your marriage might not work but it's better than a life time of the self absorbed, know it all ADULT step child. Any weakness and you will be run over like a train. This may not work out for you. Sorry! I feel your pain.

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    • Hootie

      I have thought about my marriage may not work, but if it gets to a point that I cannot take it anymore and he chooses to stick up for her or give her money then I will have no choice. I told him i dont mind to be around her and I will be nice, but I will not trust her or give her money. We will see what happens...thanks for your reply

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  • raphydaphy

    that is definitely not normal! I agree, she may be a sociopath tbh!

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  • Hootie

    Newest news from step daughter....Last time i mentioned her taking money from her grandfather and then asked him for 600.00...he finally cut her off and now she is calling her Dad and telling him that she is bipolar 2 and cannot work for a while becuase of the meds she has to take...I told him she is looking for money from us. Who knows if its even true, but she is up to something all the while we are taking care of my mother in law in our home and she has to cause trouble. After my father in law sent her the last check i noticed on face book that she went to houston with some friends and had a great time eating out and doing zumba...I think that is probably what she wanted the 600 for but who knows. My husband is going through the hardest time of his life right now with his mother dying and she just keeps trying. Wish me luck....

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  • Hootie

    Well, the last thing I found out this last week is that my Husbands Dad and Step Mother have been sending her money (150.00) per month the last few months and Friday she asked them for 600.00 and my Father in Law was so upset he sent her 150.00 and told her that would be it (he also had a heart attack the same day)...we will what she does now. When she came in to visit us to see her dying grandmother she was telling her and her Dad she can't pay her bills on what she makes and all this stuff...she was so upset that her grandmother was dying and has not called her once since her visit that she got a ring from her....you are right, my husband needs to make a surprise visit to check and see what she is up to, but I don't think he wants to know...at this point as long as I don't have to deal with her in any way and he is happy not knowing that is all I can do. Oh, and I had extended a olive branch by adding her back on to my facebook to maybe talk and she just deleted me, her Aunt and Dad and posted that she is erasing her past and starting fresh...she also posted something about a song that reminds her of how much her daddy (Jesus)loves her...I wish she would grow out of this but I have a feeling this person is who she is and is here to stay (she will be 21)...all she wants is money and my family is wealthy..I use to take her shopping to spend time with her and when I think back that was the only time she was really nice to me and my family Christams she got money and gifts and also my family was included in her birthdays..she told her grandmother she wants to be able to come back to visit us for Christmas and her birthdays...I bet she does...giving her no money has shown me true colors..its unfortunate for everyone involved. the Grandparents that have been sending her money are on a very fixed income and didn't want my husband to know...she knows they don't have much to give but takes it anyway....alright, i am done venting until the next time and I am sure that will be soon.

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  • Hootie

    Also, the whole time she was here for 4 days she only spent a few hours with her Grandmother..about three hours one day and a hour the next and all of that time was only with my husband. But she cries to my husband and says how she doesn't want her grandmother to die and she is devastated....she works whatever situation to manipulate and everything she does or says has a bad intention behind it....

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  • Hootie

    You are right in my husband is in major denial at this point and she just came in this weekend to visit my dying mother in law her Grandmother. She told her grandmother that I am the reason that her and her father do not get to have a relationship, so I set her and my husband very straigh on that subject. they can have a realtionship and I do not have to be a part of it...she lies about everything and my Mother in law has had it and is going to talk to her son about it and let him know what she thinks...it makes me so angry that she has to deal with this while on her death bed...she gave her grandaughter a ring of hers and she didn't even say it was pretty or thanked her at all. Everyone can't stand her and she cries and says she doesn't understand why nobody wants to be around her, but she only does that infront of her Dad and when her Dad isn't around she is a totally different person. If anyone tells her Dad (including me) that she did something then he asks her about and she lies. its hard for me to put her in her place when her Dad doesn't completely back me up but I am at the point that if she keeps pushing it I will just have to let her know what I think and what I expect to even think about having her in my life again....see, my family welcomed her in and at Christmas my parents treated her just like the other grand kids and gave her money and gifts. All she wants is the money and she doesn't care about anyone else but herself. She told her grandmother that her bills are 3000 per month and she works a 40 hour job at 12 an hour...she just makes stuff up and nothing ever makes sense and until my husband drives to see her without her knowing and checks it all out himself it will continue to be this way. I do love my husband and have put up with so much along with everyone else involved because he won't do what he suppose to, so at this point if he makes me choose I will choose to be happy. I cannot have her in my life..she sucks the life out of me and there would be no point, nor will I allow her to hurt my family...thanks for all your comments.

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  • AllenFlows

    Woman, i don't know who you are, and pardon me for saying this, but need to toughen your shit out and show her what for. Not hurt her, correct her.

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  • DubstepismyMJ

    5 years you had to put up with this? Wow. I praise your love for your husband. Someone needs to show this bitch whos boss. I dont get how can such a liar get so much credibilty from that accusion? Maybe when she was young . But shes 20 now. And you know her for 5 years, and seen her true colors. I dont see whats there to be afraid of if that lieing bitch trys to accuse you. Tbh i believe its only your husband who can change her bad behaviour. But in order for that to happen your husband need to see her terrible ways and the damage shes doing to your family and his. Its not fair on you, cause obviously hes not getting shit on from her. Seriously your husband seems indenial from what i read. Well judging from what i read, your husband doesnt discipline her at all, or enough, thats why shes doing all this bad stuff without fearing the consequences because she knows she can get away with it. In other words your husband is enabling her.

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    • Hootie

      I totally agree and I and our counseler has told him the same thing. Being a good father doesn't mean always sticking up for her and giving in. She needs some tough love. We will see what happens..there is always something with her and his family can't even stand to be around her..his own sister and niece and now my family. She has done so many wrongs and has never been made accountable. I hope he changes because she won't if he doesn't make her...she may be a certain type of person, but she can still be made to respect boundaries.

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  • Hootie

    I appreciate your comment and see how there could be a difference...I am not her Mom, but she accused her own Mother of sexual abuse because she was mad, so imagine what she could do to me out of anger. I don't see how this issue will have a resolve, but hope somehow it can. I just know at this point I do not want to be around her....

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  • Terence_the_viking

    Yes it is because she is daddies little girl and you are not her mum.

    Step daughters are more hostile than step sons.

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